Jack Monroe #292 Poet, philosopher, fighter, cook, hero

[Walkdengirl]

Shamelessly going for the 500k

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She's only about 5 weeks behind on this

 

[Ouchyfingers]

.

I had to watch this again, I had to! It’s so weird! So much preening. Then the scowl. Then the exaggerated grin. My god

There’s a trend on Tiktok at the minute using an audio clip from Love Actually - just Keira Knightley saying “I look quite pretty!”

This video would go perfectly.

the fuck did I just watch?!

 

[Captainmouse]

And chatting shit about Germolene.

I missed that one

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

The Georgia mix up is almost like when she tagged good old cap'n America instead of regular ginger Chris Evans.

What happened?

 

[Captainmouse]

Why is it so slimy?

Because it is!

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

When she came upon this young man
Sawin' on a goat leg and playin' it hot
And the devil jumped
Up on a hickory stump
And said girl let me tell you what

I guess you didn't know it
But I'm a bit of a cook too
And if you'd care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you


Now you play a pretty good slopscam, girl
But give the devil his due
I'll bet a pineapple of gold
Against your soul
'Cause I think I'm better than you


The girl said my name's Jack, though
And it might be a sin
But I'll take your bet
And you're gonna regret
'Cause I'm the best there's ever been


Jackie wash up your bowl and play your slopgame hard
Cause hell's broke loose in Georgia and the devil deals the cards
And if you win you get this shiny fruit all made of gold
But if you lose the devil gets your soul.


The devil opened up his case
And he said I'll start this show
And fire flew from his fingertips
As he floured up his bowl
Then he pulled a pan across the hob
And it made a evil hiss

And a canal of hausfraus joined right in
And it sounded something like this


When the devil finished
Jackie said well you're pretty good old son
But sit down in that chair right there
And let me show you how it's done


She made self love stew and Anchoiade
Run Harold, run
The peaches' in the pot of the blandest slop
Chicken in a cold pan, dirty hands tho'
OH does your brother's chicken bite
No child, no


The devil bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that golden pineapple
On the ground at Jackie's feet

Jackie said, devil just come on back
If you ever wanna try again
I done told you once you son of a bitch
I'm the best that's ever been


She made inexplicable eggs and rinsed hoop pie
Run squiggles, run
The meals in this plan only cost me 2p tho' (lies, lies, LIES)'
Bollocks in a sausage flavoured like Bounty Bars now
Jackie, will this food taste good?
No child, no

Bualadh Bos!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Absolutely needed this laugh tonight!!

Trifle Defender for Lifetime Achievement Award at the sloppies

(Turquoise is TD under the screenshot tweet)

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You have to squiggle the @names too!

 

[proshootz]

Please can someone post the list bobble video? I’ve seen it once and whilst I remember the face, I’d like to see it again.

I had a quick google (Jack Monroe hair video) and damn was that illuminating!

Didn't find the one we're looking for though ... but that's okay because I didn't need to be scared today. It was chilling.

 

[Nonnymouse]

I do believe she has had threatening messages of threats, but to be honest if you’re a woman on the internet then you will get that. In the early days of internet dating I got that. For famous women it’s more frequent.

No, I get your point, but no

 

[Wooh]

@KebabGirl

thank you very much! Amazing. Impressed by you

Jack Monroe #291 What about the price of hummus?

A big fan of their work? It's a government funded company. They regularly give influencers wads of cash to post a photo eating leftovers, with a wanky hashtag acting as if they've saved the world. Is jack wanting some tax payers money? She’s got 3 years worth of taxpayers money 😡

tattle.life

 

[Switchstreetz]

I cannot be trusted to do the next thread today (and also don't want the decision of choosing the thread title ), but I have a recap I can post if someone else makes it?

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Not complete yet but it’s a HUGE task ok and I haven’t slept in DAYS cos I keep my DMs open and addictively scour social media 24/7 looking for a fight. Here’s a preview of part 1 for those of you who contributed to the kickstarter.

The Twat in the Hat

The sun did not shine
It was too dark to click
So she took no selfies
And just sat there, the dick

I sat there with OH
We sat there, we two
And she said, how I wish
I had a chaos to do

Too lazy to go out
All her phones in the hall
So she sat in the loodio
And did nothing at all

So all she could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
And we didn’t mind that
Not one little bit

But then something went Squeal
How that squeal made us feel
We looked and we saw her step out on the mat
We looked!
And we saw her!
A Twat in a hat!
And she said to us
Why do you sit there so glum?
I know it is cold
But the squigs have their money
And we can make lots
of green slop that is runny

I know some good food we could ruin
Said the Twat
I know some new shills
Said the Twat in the hat
A LOT of good shills
I’ll explain them to you
Then you can shill for me
They’ll not know at all if you do

Then OH and I
Didn’t know where to run
The Twat was all fired up
Like the sun

But then Coops said “No! No!
Make the Twat go to bed
Tell that Twat in the hat
You don’t want to be fed
She should not be here
In the kitchen about
She should not be here
About cooking she knows nowt”

Now! Now! Do not fret
Do not fear, said the Twat
My food is not bad
Said the Twat in the hat.
Why, you will have
Lots of nice food, if you wish
With a meal that I call
Inexplicable egg in any dish

Do not make us, said OH
I would rather be dead
Do not make us, said OH
How ‘bout Dishoom instead?

To be continued…..

This is so much better than my version

 

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

Is it just me or has Jack deleted the list of recommended cookbooks tweet?

It's still showing for me

 

[gimlet]

Oh when is she going to realise! Somebody please @ Katie Melua! Or Kandi Burris.

Happy days!

Apologies if this is OT but how many of us have informed our OHs of our frau status? I got caught at my phone yesterday and I think Mr Pro is worried that I have found another (I would never. He is the bestest. SB would clap for him and probably jump up and down with glee) ... but how to explain our Jackie?! He wouldn't understand Slopwatch because I can actually cook.

OH is aware. He detests grifters and loves having a good snark at the deserving.

 

[RaeRae]

What will really blow your mind Poca is that there is a Columbia district in Washington up here too.

I know just the place

 

[trancejunkie]

Why is it so slimy?

It’s made from the slop from under her nails

 

[humpty.]

Well yes - he is my potential third imaginary husband. (Others being Michel Roux Jr and Dave Grohl)

Great taste in potential OH’s

 

[Veronicaaa]

Reoffending rates would fucking plummet if Jack was put in charge of prison food.

Priti mate, get on the blower to Southend.

There would be literal riots.

This is the tweet reply to TD

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It's coming up on my twitter that they still follow each other.

 

[TillyMiffin]

OK, I see why Jack likes it
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That sounds great tbh

 

[Lurkeryaar]

'Hating' Jamie Oliver is kind of a meme.

I have to say, I cannot stand Jamie Oliver. I don't know what it is about him, but I find him so msug and insufferable. Cannot bear to watch anything he's on I won't deny he's done good things for food, but I do not like him one bit.