Jack Monroe #269 The secret ingredient is … SPITE

[Orphan_Black]

Oh the barefaced LIES

She can't get the bus there! Stop taunting her Aldi!

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Walking stick, ffs. I had a moon boot when I fractured my foot and I walked around all day at work before I got it X-Rayed, Queen LaTeetha.

 

[kachoochoo]

pretty sure dentists can pull them out... they kinda like doing that cos they can charge good money for that

oh, right. too poor

i dunno, pawn a sideboard?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Can't believe she's going to be 144 tomorrow, you'd never know from her unblemished chorister son appearance and youthful demeanour.

Jack tomorrow, reflecting on her 60th birthday.

 

[hollowhusk]

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Has anyone suggested going to the dentist yet?

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Respiratory problems could mean anything.

I mean I have very mild asthma which only flares up when it gets really cold and a few puffs on an inhaler sorts me out so technically I have a respiratory problem. A cold is also a respiratory illness.

ON the other end of the scale my friend has severe brittle asthma and has ended up in intensive care with a cold more than once.

Once again illness cosplaying is making a mockery of people with real problems.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

@Penelope_Ghent Jack considers herself disabled because daddy wouldn't buy her a lilac Merc and now the big mean government won't give her a house for free because she's not poor enough. Also I remember hearing that being such a massive twat immediately grants you the highest rate of PIP as it's considered terminal.

 

[JeanBurns76]

I’ve gone through a few and only one Squigs asked! TT are bumming her off! Christ she’s a c%#^!!!! Imagine opening up comments just so ppl can wish you a Happy Birthday. Such a needy little tosser!

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

So over the last week that's arthritis, respiratory problems, allergy to Cooper, detachable knee, a chunk of lip bitten off and too many teeth. I'm now running a sweepstake on which ailment will be next.

Lights OFF 2/1
The absolute classic, you know it, you love it: standing on glass 15/1
Return of the shortest longest long COVID 25/1
Any form of arse drama 10/1
Prostate trouble 25/1
Phantom limb pain 30/1
Whatever LJC has, elevenerifed 15/1

I have a lot of sympathy for broken glass foot Jack from lockdown one. Because I spent most of it off my face too but I owned it and didn’t make up elaborate stories and pretend to be sober….

 

[Orphan_Black]

I'm not a dentist but a quick Google suggests a bridged implant to be around £7500. Yes, that's a lot but, remind me again about the cost of all those designer handbags, sideboards, coats, spoons and hats that you treated yourself to after each book? If your teeth are so bloody painful get them fixed and stop pissing your money up the wall. Or ask Daddy for that loan you wanted on the square shop. Moron.

Or four months of Patreon subs.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I miss Flash123 with the taxman avatar.
Also

 

[HotesTilaire]

I would have so much more sympathy for Jack’s conditions and ailments if they weren’t just raised whenever deadlines or certain pieces of work were happening.

I’ve said this before so repeating myself like a dick, but there comes a time in your life when you’ve committed todo something (usually amazing, exciting, right up your street etc) and you just can’t do it. You get ill. You get tired. You get distracted. Whether it’s adhd or underlying illnesses. At some point you just learn to reign it in and stop starting things you can’t finish. Even though you want to do them, you learn you can’t keep doing it to yourself and everyone else.
All Jack learns is that she can carry on with impunity. Kickstarter? Gaily Mail? Patron? Thrifty Shades of Beige weekly postcard? T-shirt’s? No comeback. Still at it. Still getting money thrown her way. Still on the telly.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

10k would be good...

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

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Someone else made this joke in a thread, Jack, and you've pilfered it.

Also there's no chance in hell that Jack would be able to comprehend the home report/offers over/closed bid system of Scottish real estate. She'd gnash.

 

[Colourallmydays]

I’m confused because if her teeth are overcrowded, why would she need a bridge (false teeth?) if some of them were removed?? Surely that would just reinstate the problem. Not a dentist mind you

 

[Brainkits]

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Wow she really thinks she’s the main character

 

[Fruitjack]

Well I for one am thrilled that cheap salmon paste contains all those essentials nutrients that she can’t get from expensive vegan supplements.

 

[BlendedSlop]

If her ouchy joints can't cope with Southend in March how in the name of LJC does she think she's going to handle the winters in the Scottish Highlands, the fucking whopper.

 

[Smeghead]

Just bringing over from last thread
1. Not paying the TT money when she could

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Scotty1976]

She's gonna rinse that tooth fairy for every penny.