Jack Monroe #262 Why you cry? No WiFi

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Title by @BlendedSlop

Please remember no thread title noms until the tail end of the thread and to add ‘thread title’ or ‘thread title nomination’. No swearing in them please.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies.

Jack’s hair isn’t purple
Jack’s book is extremely overdue
Jack’s publisher’s loo has lighting that removes your pores.
 
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On a minor grunk and the last thread closed, I just wanted to say the Jacktionary is a work of absolute genius 👏👏👏.
 
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I spent so long writing my post that the thread closed without me so I'm copying it over to here because I believe it to be of highest importance (what ego? Hmmm?)

duck's sake,

Mumsnet. You've picked it up on Mumsnet - they've been rowing about whether it's a real word in the 21st Century or not (with some Scots wading in with a very determined YES IT IS YOU'RE RACIST SOUTHERNERS' for about four months.
Outwith, the only place I have ever seen it used is on mumsnet.
The other word they use a lot is 'think', when describing a scenario: 'I made lunch for my male friend, think lots of innuendo, trying to be nigella and failing miserably' or 'i dyed my hair today, think sumptuous red and oodles of coconut oil'
not the most succinct explanation but I have covid and my brain is more mush than usual.

Whilst continuing the Mumsnet derail, lots of them also use the spelling que when they mean cue 'i made brown slop today, que the postman's greedy sniffing nose outside my door'

and , per say instead of per se 'i'm not a lesbian per say but it comes in handy when I want to appeal to a core group of people, think, bandwagon jumping and striving desperately for an identity. Que stamping and booting open train doors when I don't get the attention I crave'

Also that vile phrase 'i'd rip them a new one'

And finally, for a long time the mn regulars would say 'suck it up' about any and every sad story from non regulars.

Probably many more but these are the ones that grind my gears the most.
I don't really use it much now I've found tattle, my spiritual home
Mumsnet are more of a cabal than we will ever be.
 
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Ah well... to paraphrase LP Hartley "Mumsnet is a foreign country. They do things differently there."
 
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Title by @BlendedSlop

Please remember no thread title noms until the tail end of the thread and to add ‘thread title’ or ‘thread title nomination’. No swearing in them please.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies.

Jack’s hair isn’t purple
Jack’s book is extremely overdue
Jack’s publisher’s loo has lighting that removes your pores.
Her hair might not be purple but her face is excessively retuned.
I can't stand Toni and guy but I imagine that original 'cut' and colour would have cost a pretty penny, and bleaching hair is notoriously fraught with danger for home dyers.
what kind of maverick ego maniac would then try to match up the roots themselves?
Probably the same kind who would insist on cutting their teenage brother's afro with zero experience in a lockdown so no chance of anyone fixing it up when she inevitably jacks it right up.
'i'd do anything for that boy, ANYTHING!!!' she declared , drunk on her own altruism, tears in her eyes, slamming her hand down on the table and side-eyeing the three sets of rusty hair clippers hanging on a rope atop the kitchen sink
 
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Apologies, can't recall who said that outwith may have been picked up from a dalliance with a partner of the Scottish variety..? Could be on to something there, I did wonder what the 😉 was doing there at the end of her reply.

Eeesh, if so she'll be dropping Scottish breadcrumbs all over the show 😩
 
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@FlirtyThirty Iain M Banks books are my favourite - he died a while ago. Bereft.
Yeah I loved his books as a young pup. he wasn't really Ian Rankin was he? Rush grunked the last few pages and didn't get the nuances.
What makes people think she might be dating Ian Rankin?
It's like Liz Jones all over again with her secret Rockstar lover, Glaswegian tenements and piggy eyes... Jim Kerr issued a cease and desist order against Liz, maybe this is why jack is keeping her new squeeze on the lowdown/ downlow
 
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To shut this down

Jack has randomly tweeted Ian Rankin about some Scots word. He Mariah Carey’d I don’t know her.
spelling of Iain mooted - I suggested that Iain was Banks not Rankin - and went OT and caused a chaos. Apols
 
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I feel like if the maybe new boyfriend was a Scot it would have come out in the slop by now. She’d have coated those chicken nuggets in haggis rather than black pudding and have come up with a recipe for prune tablet.
 
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I wonder if the potential man squeeze is her postman, he does like to spend time nosing around her knockers and letterbox flaps!
 
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It’s weird to think that as we speak, (if Jack actually did email it when she got home), Jack‘s publisher is looking at 95% of the manuscript of THE long awaited, #Jackshacks tips book. I’m slightly jealous.
 
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It’s weird to think that as we speak, (if Jack actually did email it when she got home), Jack‘s publisher is looking at 95% of the manuscript of THE long awaited, #Jackshacks tips book. I’m slightly jealous.
I'm quite tempted to do a Julie & Julia-style cookalong when it finally comes out. We have a lot of seagulls here, and I'm curious to learn if there is anything that even they refuse to eat.
 
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It’s weird to think that as we speak, (if Jack actually did email it when she got home), Jack‘s publisher is looking at 95% of the manuscript of THE long awaited, #Jackshacks tips book. I’m slightly jealous.
Really? Is she though? Not convinced today’s trip to the publisher even happened.

Today was probably a hide out day to prevent anyone seeing the T&G dye job that was done yesterday.
 
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@Thank(space)you can't quote across threads, but, yes, this book has been on the list since inception as

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could also be categorised under

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or possibly

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it may involve

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and maybe even

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for now though, I'm minded to include

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as an aide memoire 🥰

eta. soz this post is a mess. got wifi probs of my own and cba to straighten it out
 

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It's very magnanimous of you to think she has any scruples about out-chaosing anyone, Silver. Remember what happened when LJC was busy with the Capitol Hill riots? We got #thunderclapforjacksego and Mary Sloppins. When Sarah Everard was murdered, we got the stalker thread. She's probably plotting right now the best ailment to come out with. I'm torn between falling down the spiral stairs that a bungalow shouldn't have and almost getting run over by a bus on her way to a dalliance with Mr Asda but being saved at the vital moment by her omnipotent Mediterranean arse.

The Jacktionary is now part of the wiki lads so feel free to add to it, especially if you know any of the sources I was unable to find.
 
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It's very magnanimous of you to think she has any scruples about out-chaosing anyone, Silver. Remember what happened when LJC was busy with the Capitol Hill riots? We got #thunderclapforjacksego and Mary Sloppins. When Sarah Everard was murdered, we got the stalker thread. She's probably plotting right now the best ailment to come out with. I'm torn between falling down the spiral stairs that a bungalow shouldn't have and almost getting run over by a bus on her way to a dalliance with Mr Asda but being saved at the vital moment by her omnipotent Mediterranean arse.

The Jacktionary is now part of the wiki lads so feel free to add to it, especially if you know any of the sources I was unable to find.
She'll be busy reading up about the division in Cyprus and what happened to her family there is EXACTLY like what is happening in Ukraine.
 
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