Jack Monroe #260 Stop trying to make macro philanthropy happen, it’s not going to happen

[Pavlova]

I once bought tinned potatoes . For some reason I thought that if JM recommended them, they must be ok (this was before my enlightenment).
They tasted disgusting (even in a vegi casserole with lots of nice flavours).
Will stick to recommendations from proper chief’s/cooks.

I've tried all sorts to make tinned spuds taste nicer, and they still have that canned taste. And little red spot scars on my hands where they exploded in the frying pan once. Bloody things. By the time you've made a Jacksie potato salad, its cheaper to go a buy a carton of it. The lidl ones are lush, and it all gets eaten (unlike anything made by our fave smol pixie). X

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Bleach is not a cleaning product and I will die on this hill


I too have a bidet hose and I love it.

Also make my own clothes wash liquid and don't wash my hair, except the hairdresser does when I have it coloured every 6ish weeks

Please don't throw me out of the group

It's ok you can stay.



You're lucky. I have to wash my hair every other day or else it looks like I washed my hair in a chip pan!

 

[FlirtyThirty]

View attachment 1074321View attachment 1074322View attachment 1074324View attachment 1074325View attachment 1074326

Confidence in self-presentation!! Like Jackie has ever had any problems presenting HERSELF into everything

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

How can you have a spare bank card? It doesn’t work like that

That'll be the 'spare' card for the account with more than 34 quid in it.

ETA.. Jinx @JeanBurns76

 

[Thank(space)you]

Why doesn't Jack ever use cheese?

 

[Cookiecookie]

This is absolute s****. You don’t need to buy lace topped underwear. At any price point (sorry about using that term).

Why are lies just pouring out at the moment? Why?

Someone stop her.

Not offering up my company discount on basically every underwear brand in Australia just so Jack can buy new, non lace topped pants!

This is at least the second time she's described her knickers on twitter. She's just so gross

 

[EllaEm87]

For god sake I’ve been using bags like that for years, since I started using reusable instead of cotton pads. NOT GROUNDBREAKING

 

[BubbleDuck]

Just when you think she's exhausted every possible avenue of revolting activity, she soaks scraps of cheap cheapy cheap cooking bacon. Imagining her swishing her manky hands about in salty fatty meat water to massage questionable tiny meat chunks is making me want to vom.

Why do I never learn- never read this thread while eating

 

[MooBelle]

Ha ! Thank you @Clovis
Wasn’t the Edinburgh trip strange ? All that way for a lovely but expensive sleep on her own and then she didn’t do anything. Apart from the usual nonsense of course. But what was it for ? Why go all that way to do stuff that she does at home ?

I am of the opinion that Edinburgh was supposed to be the honeymoon and she went to show LJC what she was missing.

 

[StringyMango]

QUOTE="traumatised sideboard, post: 8547058, member:

Also prove to me you have ever once in your life eaten seaweed, miso and dried mushroom in preference to an anchovy. You can't. And when did she work the rotisserie counter in Asda?! Was this before or after being specifically employed in the Towel Aisle?
[/QUOTE]
@ Sidey T
I misread Asda as Hades for some reason.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Can't lie, tinned spud curry is still a fav of mine from my student days. (Just tinned spuds and a jarred sauce, you can go fancy and add peppers, treat yo'self).

It's sounds like a proper Jack recipe written down, I feel shame.

Nope, that’s actually useful and would work. 2/10 must try harder to out-slop Jack. Maybe add some anchioade and black pudding

 

[Powershower]

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Has she had her tastebuds surgically removed?

 

[Pavlova]

So didn’t she say the Volcanic Bile Index would be coming mid February? As today is the 20th which I calculate to be 71.4% of February- significantly over the 50% which would be mid February.

Can we therefore conclude that it is late (like her taxes) or it is not coming?

Sad innit, really. This is where she does a lot of damage. Poor squigg had the chance of maybe getting a small pay rise, and for other colleagues too using the Virtual Bonobo Index...and Jack just fucks 'em over. Boo boooooo

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

How dare you.

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Why did you show us those rose knobs right next to the chrome ones? Why?

Those knobs are worse than the performative “feed me” post its.

 

[Feck]

I don't have anything in for dinner this evening. I have plenty of food in the cupboards and fridge/freezer but nothing that particularly goes together. Rather than bunging it all in the blender I think I might nip out and grab a cheap jar of carbonara and a garlic bread. I might even chuck on a handful of wilted rocket. You know, rather than whiz it up into salmonella pesto. I don't know the costs off the top of my head but I'm happy to scrawl down a breakdown of the costs later if you all wang me a tip.

(I actually have everything I need to make That Man's yoghurt flatbreads but, effort. That's the biggest difference between you and him, Jack. His food is actually cheap, easy and palatable )

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Sideboard Bob]

View attachment 1074551I don’t understand what’s going on in this photo. You’ve got washing up liquid, hand soap and a mystery substance in a bottle by the sink, so what’s the green stuff in the wall dispenser? It looks like more washing up liquid, but why? Then there’s a baffling sequence of things on hooks. A funnel, I know funnels have their uses but are they so regularly used you’d need one hanging over your sink? A ladle, which would make sense if it was next to other such kitchen implements but it’s next to a grubby looking washing up brush, then there’s a solo mug, why only one? Generally people store their mugs together, and finally a frying pan, which is the sort of thing people put on kitchen hooks, but not next to mugs. It’s like one of those “guess what’s next in the sequence” puzzles, but in this case the answer is “fuck knows”.

I love your genuinely forensic attention to detail. What’s baffling me is that it looks like there’s a tap but no sink?! I know it‘s probably just because of the angels angles though. #Pythagoras4Eva

 

[Django]

Ah, Edinburgh-Jack.

Had a mad idea on Twitter to go there with no notice, apparently, and was on a sleeper train (with a one way ticket) two hours later, a trip that in the height of covid times, never mind just regular adult responsibilities like kids and pets times, definitely couldn't have been as spontaneous as made out.

Packing a suitcase full of camera equipment and a nutri bullet.

Then arriving and declaring it 'Home'

Then breadcrumbing that she'd actually moved there.

Then, despite all the stalking claims, posting pictures from her window and incredibly identifying interior design details.

Then raiding the local Sainsburys for bags and bags of reduced salad and weird flavour biscuits.

Then the indignant denial that Dishoom isn't a chain restaurant.

Then the sudden departure for reasons never fully explained.

Then apparently donating the nutri bullet anjackmd salad bags to the homeless and a local charity

In many ways, given the VBI and Trussell Trust debacles, these were simpler times. Her 'salad days'.

Never forget the melamine cutlery #savetheplanetjack. Even though it doesn't exist.

 

[Mogmog]

Why would you have a drawer full of cancelled cards? Cut them up and bin them. And who has a ‘spare’ bank card? Is that even possible?

Must be next to that drawer of engagement rings
Ive always got hoarder vibes from Jack

 

[Hollaaa]

I hate ADHD/Autism Jack the most.
I have both and struggled for 35 years before I was diagnosed properly.
Her making me sound like I basically need a carer fucks me right off.
Strategies and routines, Jack. That's how the rest of us cope.
INGRAINED strategies and routines.
You cuntasaurus.

Thread title nomination: Duntasaurus