Jack Monroe #256 The Da Vinci Code is easier to solve than her timeline

[Silver Linings]

Title by @BeautifulTrauma Nominated by @Valiofthedolls

No thread titles until the tail end of the thread, please add ‘thread title’ or ‘thread title nomination/suggestion’. No swearing in them please.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies.

 

[Geetbo]

Will this be the thread in which the Venereal Blisters Index is revealed?

 

[Clovis]

The cable of nefarious ninnies trying to establish a timeline for The Destitution:

 

[ContentCrunch]

I’m gonna miss a disgusting deadline at work and it’s making me feel sick as a dog but at least I know the VBI won’t materialise either and life will go on. This is my zen place.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

TL;DR

Poetry unworthy of Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz

Much wailing and ranting about tit that Never Happened. ASDA got their delivery and put the rice back on the shelf she couldn't be arsed to walk to and look for herself.

Claiming of credit where it most certainly wasn't due.

LOADSAMONEY.

Fascist Hoodies for the Trustafarians.


And, in her neverending quest to prove the Tory bastards right in everything they say about poor people - she's gonna get another tattoo.



ETA: Scene from Monroe Towers right now -

 

[HotesTilaire]

I’d recap but I can’t remember much. Every day is the same now.
Jack continues to be lauded as the saver of Smart Price Rice which was available in store, but not on l8ne
Allegedly Sainsbury’s are thinking of taking her back
LJC isn’t. Still no C4 news coverage of the cheap food hyperinflation (that didn’t happen. I’m 344% sure)
The riot t-shirts have started arriving, hope the wonderful desperate people appreciate them.
@colouredlines continues to demonstrate why nobody has ever bothered to check The Poverty timeline.
Jack callled Martin Lewis a friend but he “we have mutual respect”-zoned her.
She’s threatening to spend all that free money she got on another bloody tattoo, some utter whelksplat suggested Vimes’s Boots.
She reckons she’s been working on the Index all week, whilst listening to songs from a 9/11 musical. Neither of those things are good.
The canal continue to write increasingly hilarious names for the Vimes Boots Index...you should all have a prize. An apostrophe badge for each and every one of you! I’m sure Jack hasn’t forgotten about the pin badges and phone cases.

 

[skronkywildcat]

The Veracity Busting Index
The Vagina Bentata Index (needs work)
The Vomiting Bout Index
The Vormir Bereavement Index (Marvel reference, poor Black Widow)
The Vacated Brain Index (current favourite)
The Vexed Buffoonery Index

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Title by @BeautifulTrauma Nominated by @Valiofthedolls

No thread titles until the tail end of the thread, please add ‘thread title’ or ‘thread title nomination/suggestion’. No swearing in them please.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies.

Well, I’ve been here since the very first thread and this is my first thread title. I’d plan an acceptance speech but I’m not a narcissistic little skiprat like Jack so will graciously say thank you for the honour and allow you all to continue the conversation.

Gracias!

 

[Ninch55]

The Veracity Busting Index
The Vagina Bentata Index (needs work)
The Vomiting Bout Index
The Vormir Bereavement Index (Marvel reference, poor Black Widow)
The Vacated Brain Index (current favourite)
The Vexed Buffoonery Index

Venomous Bullshit Index?

 

[Jelly Bean]

Catching up again on the last thread. I knew Jack would be on top of the Vastly Beleaguered Implosion.
She was just being a coy minx, all the while beavering away with wooden calculator, moleskins and special crayons. Bless.

So in just under two days it will be revealed. In fact I think we can soon start to go into hours rather than days. Eek!

 

[Toffee finger]

But she only has £34 in her bank account how can she afford a tattoo

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Heheheh manky old boots are gonna look so tit as a tattoo, especially as she pays her artist in Benson & Hedges and Strongbow. I'm tenting my fingers and cackling with glee in anticipation, just like Mr Asda surveying the hordes of riceless poors while sat upon his piles of money.

These boots are made for walkin
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna
Get tattooed on you

 

[ContentCrunch]

But she only has £34 in her bank account how can she afford a tattoo

It’ll be a prison pov tat with a radio mechanism and a darning needle and biro ink. India ink too expensive.
Here’s what you will need:

 

[Orphan_Black]

But she only has £34 in her bank account how can she afford a tattoo

She needs to save up a couple months of Patreons and get some of those fugly tattoos removed/covered up. Adding more will just be the equivalent of adding more glitter to a turd.

 

[Terrible]

TWO DAYS UNTIL THE VAST BUMHOLE INDEX!!

 

[drusy]

Verdigris Babboons
Voodoo Blacksmiths
Vilified Buzzards
Vaseline Balloonfish

 

[BubbleDuck]

But she only has £34 in her bank account how can she afford a tattoo

(To clarify for court purposes, I am not suggesting that Jack has or is planning to misappropriate the merchandise money, and I am sure she has kept forensic receipts of all proceeds and profits for donating purposes)

 

[kachoochoo]

while jack's planning another tit tattoo, TD's chatting to mom about venice

 

[ChickenPorridge]

while jack's planning another tit tattoo, TD's chatting to mom about venice

View attachment 1051736

Sorry TD, Mom can't sit with us any more

 

[jogojef190]

Lol at this.

Remember that scheme she helped "launch" on the last thread...