Jack Monroe #236 You absolute whelksplat!

[FlirtyThirty]

I wonder if she has paid recently.

Probably wrote them an IOU on the back of a fag packet. I’ve never seen her “intensively researching” in the BL by the way and I was in there a lot pre-pandemic…like she does any research that’s not ‘elaborating’ & ruining other peoples recipes anyway!

Just having a little scroll through Google and found two pages of Jack Monroe quotes. Absolutely toe curling, but would make a good pink wiki Tattle entry. https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/jack-monroe-quotes_1
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Maybe we don’t LIKE beurre blanc, you ugh.

 

[Flash123]

Is beurre blanc even nice?

is this like the bean rinsing where perfectly fine butter is fucked up?

 

[Jelly Bean]

GQ asked Jack to give King Marcus a “man of the year” award. Jack took the opportunity to pull Marcus aside and tell him some version of The Poverty. GQ later fully shaded Jack, can’t remember how but we assume a great impression was NOT made

Oh yes the shade from GQ
They interviewed MR and Tom Kerridge. Asked MR if he had cooked before, and mentioned the meatballs he had made (with Jack). 'Oh no don't remind me' he said, or something like that.
And Tom Kerridge said he'd let Marcus cook for him 'as long as it is never meatballs'

The whole vibe was that it was obviously a bit of an inside joke.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Oh yes the shade from GQ
They interviewed MR and Tom Kerridge. Asked MR if he had cooked before, and mentioned the meatballs he had made (with Jack). 'Oh no don't remind me' he said, or something like that.
And Tom Kerridge said he'd let Marcus cook for him 'as long as it is never meatballs'

The whole vibe was that it was obviously a bit of an inside joke.

Yeah it was actually a bit mean of them to print it, it’s their own fault for bringing Mackie into it, Marcus actually grew up going hungry

 

[Shawads]

She's done this before, so I expect the next few tweets will be something like this:

July 2020
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Im on a well overdue grunk but this is such wank. Boomer wank etc. Nothing says I've lost complete control of my work like a billionty unread emails.
And nine accounts?!
So she has not kept on top of potentially important emails since forever and says she can't delete them because someone might have said something nice about her?
That's the only reason?
LJC and I realise that I still have more grunking so anything else could have happened to render this post null as soon as it's being written.
Much like the first eleventy thousand emails in her NINE inboxes

 

[kachoochoo]

anyway, is this jude law actually at redcar?! yum!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Im on a well overdue grunk but this is such wank. Boomer wank etc. Nothing says I've lost complete control of my work like a billionty unread emails.
And nine accounts?!
So she has not kept on top of potentially important emails since forever and says she can't delete them because someone might have said something nice about her?
That's the only reason?
LJC and I realise that I still have more grunking so anything else could have happened to render this post null as soon as it's being written.
Much like the first eleventy thousand emails in her NINE inboxes

This is why Rosemary the agent resorts to tweeting “can we have a word”

 

[Lanie]

Didn't she dance around him in.... Heels?

MR is evil! I tells ya(

 

[HotesTilaire]

Didn't she dance around him in.... Heels?

MR is evil! I tells ya(

She danced round him looking like Rose West on day release

 

[Ninch55]

Yeah it was actually a bit mean of them to print it, it’s their own fault for bringing Mackie into it, Marcus actually grew up going hungry

 

[Flash123]

What child wants turkey and red onion and rinsed bean meatballs.

this was a massive opportunity to make fifteens with those kids. I remember being small and going to brownies and baking consisted of making fifteens or rice crispy mars Bar squares. Yeah, maybe not healthy but something kids can enjoy and combined with a big game of football or other run around it would have been ideal. As for the Turkey meatball things. The kids may have eaten them but realistically not very many families rich or poor buy turkey mince so it is a waste of time.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

What child wants turkey and red onion and rinsed bean meatballs.

this was a massive opportunity to make fifteens with those kids. I remember being small and going to brownies and baking consisted of making fifteens or rice crispy mars Bar squares. Yeah, maybe not healthy but something kids can enjoy and combined with a big game of football or other run around it would have been ideal. As for the Turkey meatball things. The kids may have eaten them but realistically not very many families rich or poor buy turkey mince so it is a waste of time.

Plus, what if some if those kids don't eat turkey for cultural, ethical, dietary, religious and allergy reasons. Not that 'sticky brown poo chock-full of nuts' Jackie cares.

 

[Shawads]

This is why Rosemary the agent resorts to tweeting “can we have a word”

Of course!
Saying that makes me want to exclaim:
'yes! It's a kilowatt hour!'

 

[Cucumberthunder]

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Plus:

“Oh, no,” groans Marcus Rashford with a huge smile. “I just knew you would bring that up.”

Over a Zoom call with Manchester United and England's celebrated anti-child poverty activist and his new wingman, Michelin-starred chef and restaurateur Tom Kerridge, GQ couldn't resist reminding Rashford of the last time we met him, when he gave us a demonstration of his incredible ball skills. Specifically, meatballs.

It was at Marcus' old school, Button Lane Primary in Wythenshawe and Jack Monroe was giving him a cooking lesson before handing over his GQ Man Of The Year Campaigner Award. That must have been where he developed a grown-up taste for home cooking, I joke. Rashford laughs and Tom confirms that the young footballer has already shown he has a few skills in his locker."


They also talk about Kerridge's background in a way that suggests they found jack somewhat disingenuous.


Oh and say that the pair "obviously have good chemistry".

 

[PsychicCaramel]

Here’s one of her posts…. Surprisingly not deleted and calling on Boris to be a bit more like Jesus

Foundthe one I was thinking of

The way her accent goes from Essex (Twitter) to plummy (BBC). I know most people have a ‘telephone voice’ to some extent but this is classic shapeshifter Jack.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Was having a bit of a tidy and found, from my hoodwinked sheep days, Jack's Cooking on a Bootstrap.

I always read cookbooks cover to cover and put a little sticky tab on recipes I like the look of...

There were 0 in that book.

Not sure what to do with it. I certainly don't want it, but surely donating it and inflicting Jack on an unsuspecting shopper is unethical.

Put it in a box in your highly secure garage or shed- the burglars will be along shortly to resolve that for you. Alternatively, leave it in a muddy puddle for Jack to find?

*Note, does not apply to self, just “people”.

And I’ll just leave these two here… oh, to have spent one’s formative years been the oddball loner who always took the lead in the school play.

What was the school play? An annual production of Taxi Driver?!

(Oh my, huge apologies my dearest ninnies- I had no idea all that nonsense would become ONE GIANT MESSAGE. Must do better next time!)

 

['EllsBells]

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Has our Jack thought of writing romance novels with all that purple prose?

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Captainmouse]

Surely you'd need a crime number for either to hold any stead?

No problem with all the cctv, the pick them up in minutes

 

[Boyo]

The way her accent goes from Essex (Twitter) to plummy (BBC). I know most people have a ‘telephone voice’ to some extent but this is classic shapeshifter Jack.

OMFG! In one of those clips she called the PM a LIAR! I’m so outraged, I’ve just put my foot through my iPad and sent the bill to the BBC.