Jack Monroe #235 Goggleslop

[Silver Linings]

Title by @ChickenPorridge and @Boyo Nominated by many, too early! Naughty ninnies.

Wiki is the pink button for newbies. Please leave thread title nominations until the end of the thread and to add ‘thread title’ or ‘thread title nomination’. No swearing in them please and thank…you.

Happy New Year.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

RECAP.

Makeup. Lots of makeup.

Hair. Not as much as there was (or should be, if we're referring to the back, which strangely hasn't featured in anymore selfies). Different colour as usual.

Claims of sober parties, gala pie and potatoes. No SB, though.

Latest fluffy thing was deployed a few times, and is now as absent as the poor rabbit.

Woe, woe, sorrow and woe. And the light back on. And off. And on again. And off.

Oh, and another burglary.

 

[HotesTilaire]

In our last thread
1. If you ever thought Jack could look good wearing a binbag, wow were you in for a treat, she’s now rocking the “double pleather” look all day everyday.

Spoiler: Pleather

Jack Monroe #234 A Grifty Kind of Self-Love

2. On the 6th day after Christmas, a grifter gave to me....an attempt at leftover larder which lasted about three replies and was never spoken of again
3. Do you like my eye make up? It’s bright and made up of all colours, look at the colours, do you like the colours, what colours shall I do? Three bleeping days and still no opal fruits inspired eye make up. Fucks sakes, Monroe. You don’t even have one job and you still can’t deliver.
4. Bizarrely, managed to improve the appearance of her hair by apparently bleaching the life out of it and putting a silver toner from Wilko on it, between 2 and 7 am
5. Do NOT visit her site cooking on a bootstrap.com it’s not secure. More than usual. She has a crack team of 12 engineers working round the clock on restoring the last backup from 2018
6. Do NOT visit the site link she gave cookingojabootstrap.com it doesn’t exist
7. Tonight is the big countdown, not to new year but to OVERDUE ACCOUNTS
8. You’re not gonna believe this, someone targeted Jacks garage again, this time they took sentimental le crueset cookware and trampled her collection of press clippings, and (eastenders drumroll) the new recipes for the new book!
9. We will always have the leftover “cheesetrocity” recipie. Just blitz left over sweaty cheese with oil, flour and water then pop it in the freezer for...

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Also in the last thread: we all wept at the terrible things Jack did to clearly not left over cheese.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Man that last thread was a trip

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Lord alive, I had a day away and there's a whole thread been and gone! Away I am to grunk!

Also, what kind of fruitloops does she think we are? If she has genuinely been burgled, no one's going to revel in that because that's horrid? Ffs, we're honest, not heinous.

 

[kachoochoo]

feels like a proper party with a new thread!

I owl champagned when I saw who it was telling jack to stay away! one who checks for the slightest side mention of themself here and desperate for their own thread, not gonna happen!

we're not vile and we don't enjoy misfortune at all. just stop eavesdropping, pls. hny

 

[HotesTilaire]

Lord alive, I had a day away and there's a whole thread been and gone! Away I am to grunk!

Also, what kind of fruitloops does she think we are? If she has genuinely been burgled, no one's going to revel in that because that's horrid? Ffs, we're honest, not heinous.

That part where we compare her 11 month old tweet where she declared her garage as a cctv bunker of security, with the two “my garage got burgled” tweets? That’s us revelling in it.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Leftover Larder returned! For a grand total of...er...two tweets. How odd, it's so unlike Jack to make a big song and dance promoting something then fail to follow it up. I just hope that poor squiggle managed to find a use for the leftover roasties languishing in her fridge since Christmas Day.

Jack posted her ludicrously complex recipe for something which was only later clarified as being an alleged cheese sauce, for "pasta, cooking chicken in, risottos, anything really." Well, I for one am inspired by that passionate pitch. Unfortunately I only have two Babybels, a handful of Dairylea triangles and a Cheestring, but I'm sure it'll work out OK. Cheese is cheese, innit.

She had a crack team of a dozen tech experts working round the clock to fix her Wordpress website. It's unclear as yet how successful they've been.

She's suffered "about six major life disasters" in the past 48 hours. Has she moved to Albert Square or Hollyoaks village over Christmas and not told anyone?

She seems to be alleging that someone from Tattle may have ransacked her garage to steal her granddad's old pans. Best lawyer up ladies (and gents).

 

[Veronicaaa]

Leftover Larder returned! For a grand total of...er...two tweets. How odd, it's so unlike Jack to make a big song and dance promoting something then fail to follow it up. I just hope that poor squiggle managed to find a use for the leftover roasties languishing in her fridge since Christmas Day.

Jack posted her ludicrously complex recipe for something which was only later clarified as being an alleged cheese sauce, for "pasta, cooking chicken in, risottos, anything really." Well, I for one am inspired by that passionate pitch. Unfortunately I only have two Babybels, a handful of Dairylea triangles and a Cheestring, but I'm sure it'll work out OK. Cheese is cheese, innit.

She had a crack team of a dozen tech experts working round the clock to fix her Wordpress website. It's unclear as yet how successful they've been.

She's suffered "about six major life disasters" in the past 48 hours. Has she moved to Albert Square or Hollyoaks village over Christmas and not told anyone?

She seems to be alleging that someone from Tattle may have ransacked her garage to steal her granddad's old pans. Best lawyer up ladies (and gents).

It really is a return to Chaos times.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Jack V. Tattle

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Can't get past that horrific cheese sauce.

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Best lawyer up ladies (and gents).

Does this mean we can discuss courtroom outfits again?

What do you think of mine? #yaprune
Unfortunately not the best quality image but I thought I’d half-ass it in honour of Jack.

 

[Vanelope]

Are we getting our court outfits out again now we are accused of burglarising?

Just kidding - this is my New Year’s outfit obvs

Does this mean we can discuss courtroom outfits again?

What do you think of mine? #yaprune
Unfortunately not the best quality image but I thought I’d half-ass it in honour of Jack.

View attachment 953306

SNAP!

 

[Django]

Sorry but I've been out for a little while but what colour are Jack's eyelids now, are we on to the coffee cremes yet?
Happy new year to you all mithering ninnies, remembering @GrunkaLunka , I hope you are well and big hugs to your lovely babies x

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Are we getting our court outfits out again now we are accused of burglarising?

Just kidding - this is my New Year’s outfit obvs


SNAP!

Sorry @Vanelope your outfit is too colourful, I can recommend a Dylon box dye though. Colour is reserved for eyes only.

 

[Toffee finger]

Bike thefts and burglaries are happening at a ridiculous rate around here. A friend of mine that lives right close to her had her bikes stolen recently. They parked a van at the end of the road and stole bikes from different houses/gardens loaded them all and drove off. It was caught on various ring doorbells. So yea her stuff being taken and whipped away in a vehicle is very possible.

Still don’t believe it happened to her though

@Django I’m waiting for her to do Toffee Fingers #OdeToTattle

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Does this mean we can discuss courtroom outfits again?

What do you think of mine? #yaprune
Unfortunately not the best quality image but I thought I’d half-ass it in honour of Jack.

View attachment 953306

***Why does your prune look hairy???



***not a euphemism

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Bike thefts and burglaries are happening at a ridiculous rate around here. A friend of mine that lives right close to her had her bikes stolen recently. They parked a van at the end of the road and stole bikes from different houses/gardens loaded them all and drove off. It was caught on various ring doorbells. So yea her stuff being taken and whipped away in a vehicle is very possible.

Still don’t believe it happened to her though

Also don’t think bike thieves would want a burnt old pan worth 10p

 

[Saint_clemmie]

***Why does your prune look hairy???



***not a euphemism

It’s made contact with Jacks kitchen floor.