Jack Monroe #219 Why you sob? Russell Hobb

[Sideboard Bob]

Is lasagne squig the same Brenda of Brenda's bangers fame?? Please tell me it is. I'm a big fan, very familiar with her body of work.

Omg I’ve just checked and yep, the very same!

 

[Flash123]

Oh a new thread! Has Jack monroe, director of on a bootstrap LTD paid her taxes yet?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

One thing is for certain though, she needs stopping.

I can’t imagine people would stay in her group for long, even with her stint in voluntary rehab it ended with her becoming the mother hen and some miraculous transformation signified by wearing colour again. She makes serious situations like AA and therapy sound so twee and like it’s a day out, I seriously doubt she was ever an alcoholic, just someone who drank too much occasionally but Jack being Jack always has to be the worst of everything. She’s a vile, narcissistic predator. God help her next lesbian meal ticket.

It definitely doesn’t all add up. There’s a lot of mythologising about the “vulgarities of fame” with this Groucho rock n roll (cringed writing that x) spiral into a lonely personal turmoil that entails chucking things or demanding too much from low salaried publishing employees, just all a bit wanky really. You’d honestly think she was Ian Curtis reincarnate the carry on of it all.

 

[Ellabella]

We all know that Jack will declare the cakes the best ever, so delicious, can't believe her bonkers little mind created such wonders etc etc. When the reality is a) she's got no taste buds and b) is a fucking liar.

 

[Captainmouse]

Almost a full house

 

[Emmapism]

The absolute arrogance of the woman to claim her recipe has worked when she hasn't tried it.

No idea of the texture or taste but she's the Messiah of baked goods.

Alright love.

 

[Legionnairess]

The Trifle Defender, defends prunes. The shade is chocolatey and perfection.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

I wouldn't be surprised if she sent them a DM within three seconds of the offer being made.

 

[Boyo]

View attachment 848673

 

[Fruitjack]

Instagram mate, no.

 

[Legionnairess]

I’m worried that as this thread draws to a close we will never get a thread title again that makes me laugh as much as this one.

 

[Ekkwhine]

Ohhhhh no, to those who reacted my last post re: my dog. She’s fine! Course of antibiotics, some probiotic paste and muscle relaxants and she was actually running around that afternoon. I swear she just waited until the weekend to feel fancy and go to the posh hospital that our regular refers you to OOH. £196 to walk through the chuffing door she kept the bill just low enough to not warrant claiming on her insurance whilst ensuring that I would be eating nothing but toast all of November. I’ll have to try a few of the bootstrap recipes.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

Oh Vlad, you cad

There’s a reason that when kids want to bake with their parents on a weekend it’s usually fairy cakes, sandwich cakes and flapjacks… because everyone likes them and they’re a treat for the days off school with some left over for Monday’s lunchbox.

But no, Jack has to make a heavy sponge pudding (that isn’t a fucking cake, Jack), convinced that she’s a lone maverick genius while her kid is occupying himself or at his dad’s and she tweets for approval rather than, I dunno, seeing all these amazing friends she apparently made at therapy? She really hasn’t changed at all and she still can’t cook.

Also, 75g of sugar across two trays?? That’s not a dessert. It’s about the same as a McDonald’s burger bun ffs. I know you think you’re a nutritional therapist now, Jack, but part of eating is experiencing joy in food (see: your pal Ruby) and being able to let go and indulge without fear, not using it to exacerbate whatever issues around food you have. Ugh.

ETA - sorry, just noticed the THREE kettle ad posts above my own. Repetitive and late, just like our Jack.

 

[MancBee]

This take is hot out of the mini oven:

Isn't the point of a traybake to make a large cake that can be easily served up in squares or rectangles on a picnic or party? Doesn't really require a plate and a cake fork - more of a hold in your napkin type of cake? Typically found at potlucks, school fetes, parties, etc.?

Also, applesauce works well in many vegan recipes. I have no issue with it. The only issue I do have is that it comes from US recipes and an American applesauce is a very different beast to a UK applesauce. It is much more like the apple puree you can buy here in pouches or pots for babies. It's sweeter than UK applesauce, it's not chunky and it never, ever contains vinegar, cider or starch, which a lot of shop bought UK versions use. It's because applesauce in the US is eaten as a snack on its own or mixed with yoghurt or on potato latkes or sometimes pancakes, whereas UK applesauce is a condiment to many meat dishes.

Anyway, why am I mithering on about it? Because in baking it will make a huge difference whether your applesauce is smooth or chunky, whether there is vinegar and starch in it or not and what the sugar content is. However, I assume that her prune concoction would always be disgusting, so I guess the old adage remains true - applesauce is applesauce.

The cabal of mithering ninnies give more thought and scrutiny to Jack's recipes than she does. I have said before about my nephew's recipe development company; it takes months and months of work and often ends with failure. Yet Jack thinks that her maverick brain can invent new recipes daily. It is just not that easy.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I don't think liking liver makes it a compliment, squigg.

 

[Ellabella]

Mark Zuckerberg has been offline more than her.

Thread title nomination!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I don't imagine her slop/drain hair manual is dropping any time soon. She said early December for the world's densest brioche but she didn't specify which December and it's probably just a blog post.

I am sorry to say I have spotted the first sign of the local glove population in its annual decline

#nofilter #nophotoshop #noeditingofanykind #noreally #imnotlying #whywouldilie #randomexclamationsofappreciation #autumnjoy #glovesofinstagram

 

[Bwidge]

I have no idea why she has presented a wet turd in a tin and I never want to see it again.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

That'll be like the time on Pancake Day when she claimed to have singed her scalp on the gas hob while lighting the oven then when we next saw her stupid smug filtered face her scalp was perfectly fine. As I recall, there was some debate at the time over how the hell she'd even contorted in order to achieve such a thing. Has she ever said she was a childhood gymnastics prodigy?

 

[blurstoftimes]

View attachment 850244View attachment 850245

so the great thing about jack recipes is the ability to change them?