Jack Monroe #219 Why you sob? Russell Hobb

[MancBee]

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If that's the sort of food Jack serves up to someone she adores, I dread to think what she would serve up to someone she couldn't care less about.

 

[EllaEm87]

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She never seems to have a fridge full of things ready to be made does she? It’s always a scrap of this and a husk of that.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Nottonightbabe]

She never seems to have a fridge full of things ready to be made does she? It’s always a scrap of this and a husk of that.

She also never seems to cook with fresh veg. It's always a solitary, manky withered leek/carrot/potato etc that she's found in the fridge and turned into dinner.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[JuliaGulia]

Jack is just a food criminal but thank you for your effort to prove it. How she’s got away with it for so long is beyond belief.

An aside, I had a look for @GrunkaLunka earlier and saw the thread title Bum MInts

Jackie are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay Jackie?
You've been hit by, you've been slopped by, a Food Criminal!

 

[EddieBeds]

Enough with the massacred (tinned) fish

 

[Django]

It's still not coming out #traybaketruther #neverinamillionyears

I reckon she's made one of these and chucked a packet of nuts on top.

One and done....ooof

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Why isn’t it available for pre-order?

Because it's still stuck to the dining room wall.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Any fool these days knows that meal planning is the way forward when cash is tight. She has never done a weekly meal plan with shopping list, just pointless “haul” shopping trips showing £20s worth of maize snacks and expired yellow sticker salad for sb whilst she eats eats LJC’s Waitrose cheese

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

How is it physically possible for one smol puppy brain to come up with the most unappetising dishes and cakes known to man?

What’s wrong with a Betty Crocker chocolate cake to make with her son and add in the chocolate buttercream for a real treat? Why does she have to dick around and add prunes and pretend she doesn’t have butter or eggs when we all know there’s a local Nisa that can’t wait to see her face.

 

[Froggies]

Did a squig genuinely ask if she’d poured gravy over it? And accepted this would be an ok thing to pour over the “cake”?

I am over here at this and then @BeautifulTrauma lived up to her name and created a trauma in a tin. I salute you, dear heart. You took one for the team, you brave, brave Frau.

 

[Silver Linings]

Remember when Nigella hinted that certain foods gave her the trots? No? Oh, must just be Jack that does that.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Can we have a category in The Sloppies for the best/worst cable recreation of Jack's recipes? Orphy B's sweaty slow cooker bread and @Fruitjack's hairy jackfruit patties still haunt me but I think without even seeing it I can declare @BeautifulTrauma's attempt will be a real contender.

Rumour has it Hotes Oats have created their own ecosystem in the local landfill and are plotting to slowly but surely take over the universe

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

The whole trifle saga was ridiculous. Most of the trifles Jack decided to criticise looked like works of art or they dared to be different by using variations on ingredients or toppings. She came off as such a snob and then brought out her shitty 70s vomit avec glitter plus cockatiel hairstyle. What a cunt!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Shame she can't photoshop her personality.

This is a thread title nomination

Maybe her Diva payment cleared so she treated herself to some new lips, coz they be looking freshly plumped.

Hon, they not her lips, she’s cut them out from someone else’s face and stuck them on, Mr Potato Head style.
Amazing melting blurry earring is back

 

[Jelly Bean]

Jack: “Food is my love language*”

*except when I refuse to make roast potatoes on CHRISTMAS DAY, instead serving grey carrots and sprouts from the slow cooker and SmartPrice Yorkshire puddings from the freezer.

Seriously, she needs to admit that food isn’t her love language, it’s a mechanism to control, manipulate and punish people around her. I don’t know how she’s come out of this huge stint in therapy with this commitment to self-care through food without a therapist actually questioning why a person with a clearly disordered relationship with food is clinging onto a career in it without any evident enthusiasm other than for the social media engagement that food in particular garners. Like, these therapists have just not done a good job, sorry.

Food might be her 'love language' but she is a very very poor cook. She has no concept of even the basics in terms of technique or taste. I wouldn't trust her to cook an onion properly.
DKL and Matt Tebbutt had her measure. He saw/tasted the rubbish she served up first hand and no doubt had a say in her never being invited back.
How many times can she keep offering up old odds and ends she found in the fridge, serving them up greasily and calling it a recipe?

 

[Vanelope]

So right now, we have the cooking oil, sugar and prunes (which I’ve destoned myself) and that beautiful syrupy prune juice to go over the top.
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Step by step Saturday night chaos

 

[EllaEm87]

She always says she’s just drifting off when she claims to have done something she’s not actually done and needs time to suss the lie out!

 

[Cookiecookie]

The trifle situation really showed how odd her tastebuds are. The enemy ones were made with lovely, fresh ingredients, combined with thought, taste, and consideration for aesthetic appeal. Hers was a Bird's packet mix trifle full of goodness knows what and tasting like chemicals from the vague memory of the one I once ate.

It's absolutely fine to have family traditions - a gracious food writer would've said 'They're all amazing, but in my family it's just not a celebration without our Bird's trifle' or something along those lines. Not be horrible and start fights on Twitter about it.