Can just imagine her policing the strictly hashtag!
Just your Russell’sam I gonna be furloughed?
Trifle Defender takes no prisoners!Trifle defender spreading truth!
i have done that loads of times.Trifle Defender takes no prisoners!
*just to add that when I saw you first post this I went straight to Twitter to look at the tweet. I don't follow TD so had to put it in the search bit. It wasn't coming up because I was putting in 'Trifle Defender ' instead of her actual name.
I need coffee...
Bloody brilliant- ‘[Tessbot does not compute]’Jack Does Strictly
Week One Training Footage
Jack arrives at dance studio
Jack: "Hey, Aljaz! I'm Jack Monroe, single mother, cook, food writer, author, accidental conqueror of fears, purchaser of luxury goods, Greek, Norn Irish, admirer of Nigella, 5 foot 1.7, puppy brain. I understand I've been put with you cos you're not due a ringer this year and you may have the patience and good humour to cope with me. hahahaha! what am I like? have I mentioned I can stand on my tiptoes for twelve whole minutes? I danced in heels with my bff Marcus, you know? Rashford, that is, Marcus Rashford. I solved the whole free school meals in the holidays with him you know? I don't ever like or retweet his tweets but I taught him everything about child poverty.
now then, what's our dance this week? I'll nail it. once and done, that's me"
Aljaz: (sotto voce)"what the fuck have I been landed with now? Janette, please save me"
Aljaz: (out loud) "Yay! Jack! So great to see you! we're gonna do great! we will be performing (dramatic pause) street/commercial to 'Food, Glorious Food!'"
Week One Live Show
Alan Dedicoat: "Please welcome to the floor,
single mother, cook, food writer, author, accidental conqueror of fears, purchaser of luxury goods, Greek, Norn Irish, admirer of Nigella, 5 foot 1.7, puppy brain, Jack Monroe and her partner Aljaz Skorjanek!!!!"
[please insert your own interpretation of Jack and Aljaz dancing street/commercial to 'Food, Glorious Food here]
Tess: "Wow! The people are on their feet! how does that feel my darling?"
Jack: "well, you know, Tess, it feels almost as good as that time when I launched a hate campaign against David Walliams"
Tess: ".... [Tessbot does not compute] ok. well, get on up to Claud. The scores are in!"
Claudia: "so Jack, have you tried head and shoulders?"
Jack: "I've invented a new one, Claud. out of lard and WD40. it's in the next, next book. whatever happens, I'm sure Nigella is very proud of my journey."
Claudia: "well, the scores are in. good luck Aljaz."
Craig: "Fucking dreadful, darling. ONE!"
Shirley: "It's never too early! For an exit from Shirley! 2!"
Motsi: "I have no idea what that was meant to mean, my sweet. You tried, so I can give you one."
Anton: "Haha! Marvellous! 10!"
Sunday Results Show
Tess: "So we are down to a dance off between Jack and Aljaz doing street/commercial to "Food, Glorious Food" and someone off Love Island and Amy doing a Viennese Waltz to "Industry Baby" will our first couple please take to the floor?"
[dances happen]
Tess: "Our dancers have done all they can. I just need to ask our judges who they want to save tonight"
Craig: "well, I hated one a lot less than the other, darlings. for me, it's the one off Love Island and Amy"
Motsi: "Jack, I loved your high energy, but I have to vote with my heart and save the one off Love Island and Amy
Anton: "Haha Marvellous! It's a 10 from me!"
Tess: "Shirley, you have the deciding vote. whose life will you ruin forever?"
Shirley: "Jack, your feet needed to be entirely more turned in, I don't care how long you can stand on tiptoes and for that reason I'm saving the one off Love Island and Amy."
*Jack howls, collapses to the floor, rips and tears and rents apart cans*
Aljaz breathes a sigh of relief
Quoting myself *dickhead*Yes.
Someone@twitter.
Omg ##strictly tonight was amazing the dances were fabulous. Jamies jive matched no other, Nigellas cha cha was on point, Marcus nailed the waltz.
Her:
Erm, i also though my ballroom was pretty fabulous, you know me famous poverty cook, all time worker for the poors. Its always the men who steal the spotlight sorry Nigella but its true us mere women are ignored. Perhaps you should remember that women invented dancing. Have a nice day.
Squiggle (unaware of her body of work): who's this one on strictly called Jack, won't stop talking about theirself?Quoting myself *dickhead*
But just wanted to finish.
Somebody@twitter
Who are you?
Her:
Are you not aware of my body of work?!
Also i said. HAVE A NICE DAY.
Quoting myself just because I've noticed pesky autoI've got a couple pages to catch up on but there will be plenty of disgust wherever Jack is. John White is on strictly representing the lgbtq community with a male partner
Babe same, I came for Pip and stayed for Jack. I'd actually never heard of her before but the limegoss article had me hooked and the threads started to gallop not long after that.Indeed!
I only went on tattle for a nosy about the Philip Schofield story (not actually sure what happened in the end)
I remember noticing Jack’s thread and vaguely remembering her Being annoying but had no idea how much so!!
There are so.many.opportunities for retelling of The Poverty in the Strictly coverage cycle. Original VT. Weekly update VT. Chat with Tessbot. Chat with Claud. It Takes Two. BBC1 red sofa. The bloody One Show. Podcasts out the wazoo. Radios 1 and 2 breakfast. Radio 4 breakfast on a veeeerrry slow news day...Can't you imagine the sob story intro? 'I used to be a ballerina until poverty...*trembling voice*...took my feet away'
(i've never seen Strictly maybe they don't do sob story intros lol)
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