It’s soooo beige
Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie
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She mashes the butter into the green tea and icing sugar? If it goes ‘breadcrumby’, add a splash of milk to smooth it out? No wonder it looks so rancid. Plus, icing ... on a brownie?
Far too much flour for a brownie as well - no wonder it’s cakey. Cos you end up making a cake.
But that’s not a saucer and childs knife, that looks suspiciously like butter, anndd, your hands are far too clean!
I feel like the cabal should have their own show. THERE IS NOTHING FUNNIER THAN THIS THREAD. NOTHING. Hooting. Fizzing.
Dry heaving at the ‘bread’. Would pay to see Jack on ‘celebrity’ bake off.
You know how oil is oil is oil? Maybe Jack uses crude oil in their ‘cooking’ and that’s why their fingernails are perpetually black....... BLACK! Black. THE DARKNESS. What’s for tea mother, ink stew!? (Fast Show reference added in there..)
Dry heaving at the ‘bread’. Would pay to see Jack on ‘celebrity’ bake off.
You know how oil is oil is oil? Maybe Jack uses crude oil in their ‘cooking’ and that’s why their fingernails are perpetually black....... BLACK! Black. THE DARKNESS. What’s for tea mother, ink stew!? (Fast Show reference added in there..)
Oh my! Thank goodness I am alone on the train 
I have 
so much I ended up in a coughing fit, so that’s the lung gone. Brilliant brilliant cabal, never fail to make my morning commute a highlight of the day
I have so much I ended up in a coughing fit, so that’s the lung gone. Brilliant brilliant cabal, never fail to make my morning commute a highlight of the day
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#vlad #dough 
Would you like your pizza on thin and crispy, deep pan, stuffed crust, or slime-leaking slop?
Does orphan black have any Victorian vagabond children to give the rest of that bread too outside her house.
I have had some connectivity issues and could only read the last few days on my phone (which I purposely have not logged in with, as I would never get off this site if I did) and I can’t go back and like everything but I want to thank you all for my chuckles! It’s a challenging time at the moment and the laughs I have had have been such a tonic. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Back to Jack - I once tried the vegan crumpet and (sadly no pics) was disappointed. Here, you cannot buy crumpets for love nor money, so I have made some this week. Not Jacks recipe, mind you...Did take two tries to get them right (too much batter in the rings, the first time) but the Warburton recipe is the bollocks. The big reveal? They are naturally vegan if you grease the rings with non dairy fat. I am embarrassed that I did not know that already!
PS - not 100% vegan but moving in that direction! Still have eggs (from a farm down the road where I can see the chickens every day, pecking and mooching around!) and some occasional cheese.
Back to Jack - I once tried the vegan crumpet and (sadly no pics) was disappointed. Here, you cannot buy crumpets for love nor money, so I have made some this week. Not Jacks recipe, mind you...Did take two tries to get them right (too much batter in the rings, the first time) but the Warburton recipe is the bollocks. The big reveal? They are naturally vegan if you grease the rings with non dairy fat. I am embarrassed that I did not know that already!
PS - not 100% vegan but moving in that direction! Still have eggs (from a farm down the road where I can see the chickens every day, pecking and mooching around!) and some occasional cheese.
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After seeing @Orphan_Black and @PoorPatrol Jack creations and the numerous other examples on here, how is Jack still getting TV appearances. Or do we think the past year has put paid to any future work?
Jack, should feel ashamed that people who can least afford to waste food would be doing so following her recipes. There's enough evidence on these pages to prove that her recipes do not work and end up in the bin. What a waste.
Jack, should feel ashamed that people who can least afford to waste food would be doing so following her recipes. There's enough evidence on these pages to prove that her recipes do not work and end up in the bin. What a waste.
They look so good! Lovely colour, nice and slightly crispy. Direct opposite of what I think
when I see Yackie's efforts.
@PoorPatrol and @Orphan_Black - this is all astonishing dedication. Especially with the scuffins, I feel like it must have been almost painful not to tweak as you went along. Just the thought of knowing that what you're doing isn't going to result in something pleasant to eat feels almost physically upsetting to me. I have FIZZED and HOOTED at your work though. Though poor OB had to deal with bread slime (who even knew this was a possibility in life) and that's a similar level of trial. My baking soul is sad.
Also, loving your Aldi kitty kitchen paraphernalia, OB. I have the measuring cups and spoons in the black version of same, but am v jealous of timer.
Also, loving your Aldi kitty kitchen paraphernalia, OB. I have the measuring cups and spoons in the black version of same, but am v jealous of timer.
Your hand is too clean and the skin appears to fit on it properly.
All jokes aside, massive admiration for you making and trying that monstrosity. Further proof obtained that her recipes are garbage. @Orphan_Black , @PoorPatrol , you have done the cabal proud!
Thanks @MaineCoonMama . Most importantly, they taste absolutely delicious - just like a shop bought crumpet - and I don’t have to drive 4 hours one way to the “British shop” (not that I would!).
I might have a browse through the Jack recipes and see what I can make on the cheap. I am, by no means as funny as you guys but it feels only fair in return for the enjoyment I have been given by the hero’s here.
PS - the blondies have 300g of butter plus extra for greasing? It’s an insane amount for someone rattling a tin cup. And it’s definitely a sponge recipe too.
I might have a browse through the Jack recipes and see what I can make on the cheap. I am, by no means as funny as you guys but it feels only fair in return for the enjoyment I have been given by the hero’s here.
PS - the blondies have 300g of butter plus extra for greasing? It’s an insane amount for someone rattling a tin cup. And it’s definitely a sponge recipe too.
Can I say I am enjoying ‘Jack is away’ especially as the time I read Tattle has greatly reduced. But it just shows we don’t need her.
@Orphan_Black thanks for taking one for the team. Unfortunately I’m not going to do that, the kidney bean burgers were the only Jack experience I needed (once and done).
If anyone wants to post me a lion bar I am willing to try that though
(even if I’ve already eaten a billion).
@Orphan_Black thanks for taking one for the team. Unfortunately I’m not going to do that, the kidney bean burgers were the only Jack experience I needed (once and done).
If anyone wants to post me a lion bar I am willing to try that though
(even if I’ve already eaten a billion).
Found this.... Apparently she has a house rule that they don't waste food. 
Is that fat?Found this.... Apparently she has a house rule that they don't waste food.
That video 
.
That is truly someone who hates food. Someone who would rather gag and retch on food, than throw something revolting away.
.That is truly someone who hates food. Someone who would rather gag and retch on food, than throw something revolting away.
Whatever it was, she nearly vomited it back up in the final second.
I assume she did bring it back up, which is why the video ended when it did.
Who thinks that a video of a food writer retching is a good idea? Not exactly a great advert for her cooking skills and food knowledge. Jack is as thick as mince (any fat % would do)
is that her lard gravy?Found this.... Apparently she has a house rule that they don't waste food.
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