Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie

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Can I just clarify that this bellend is neither disingenuous, and only very mildly mendacious?
I also don’t own any Cotswold stuff, and all my eggs are cooked. Cough. So to speak
Dearest heart Herr Billy of course i don't mean you when i say x I
will in future say not Billy in brackets to make sure there is no confusion xx big sloppy non eggy kiss to ya X
 
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it's BALAMORY!

I don’t intend this to sound like a face-shame as Jack is a conventionally attractive woman, but her nose - what the fack’s going on? Is it bigger, or am I just used to seeing her facetuned to buggery?
I became OBSESSED with her nose when she did the mel donte live fiasco.
It has spread all over her face!
I am not one given to commenting on appearances but just looked so different.
 
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Full admiration to you for doing this. I have always thought that, on paper, this was the worst sounding of Jack’s recipes. But I would never be brave enough to make it to find out.
 
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I too was caught up in #nosetruthing
The face tuning is what’s behind it all, it is also a nose which looks different from different angles. The face tune trickery is not just cutting a bit off to make it smaller, it’s also the blurring and flesh tone alterations. Which is why it looks so odd in videos.
 
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The onion police are making me cry!
Love the size of the portion and your Jack hand, genius!
 
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Not sure if anyone has already seen this. 11mins 45 mins in she suggests blending up a jar of roast peppers in oil instead of tinned tomatoes. WTF, they cost a fortune!
 
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The problem with FaceTuning is you never know what people look like really. It’s like all those missing people photos on Facebook with filters and pouts. I’d never recognise them.

I have friends who started going grey in their teens/twenties. Get over it. It’s not special.
 
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The hair in the top photo looks like someone's taken a felt tipped pen to it. Bottom one is probably (surprisingly) the more accurate
Maybe she uses that spray on hair from the shopping channel, hence the constant hair changes.

 
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Has she gone from face tuning herself younger to older? These photos are nine days apart.
Can you go that grey in nine days?
View attachment 573032
View attachment 573036
It's possible she may just have a patch of white further back - being aggrieved myself by (what I optimistically call) premature greying, there are some partings that make it less noticable, and some that serve rather sudden Ted Danson which is a bit of a shock (so to speak).

As ever though, who indeed knows. I guess there must have been more hair than it looks like in that top knot to produce that much fringe
 
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I don't care about octopus energy.
I don't care about her GREY fringe,
or her yellow sou'wester.
I certainly don't care about a single one of her sloppiest of slop recipes,

but I do need to know where IS she?
aparthotel/shitty bungalow/house share/sleeping rough(again)
 
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Oh, nice one Vlad. I had to click the ad to confirm my suspicions and yes, it's a hair loss concealer. Ta, but no ta very Matt. Much Matt.
 
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Thank the Lord J Compton you got off with an Onion Caution.

I‘m sure you’re trying to softly, gently, move on from the whole episode, but, we have to know, did you get the titular headrush from the “pungent intensity of the dried mushrooms“?

 
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So it amounts to a garlicky palmful of spaghetti with leathery mushroom and... And white chocolate.

How... Did this happen? Deep appreciation for your very diligent sacrifice by the way, rest in (mushroom) pieces
 
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I just can't get over the way in the Octopus video, at 00:50, Jack says 'dozz' instead of 'does'. It's like she's trying to sound extra Cockenayy
 
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Good work. I just popped over to see if anyone had posted the picture of 4 grey hairs but full analysis is here already. I think her skin looks great, probably from the not drinking, but the hair is possibly terrible, but it’s a weird angle.
 
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