Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie

[colouredlines]

Right lads, I'm going to take one for the team with a go at white bean, spinach and garlic soup from Tin Can Cook. Jack describes it as 'marshy green slop' but, as ever, we'll be the judge of that.

I had a look to see if this recipe is online, and I stumbled upon another of Jack's soups. The intro is standard self-pitying nonsense:

So far, so Jack, right? BUT WAIT. This recipe, posted in 2018, is tagged Cook For Syria. She has managed to turn a campaign about refugees fleeing a devastating war into "when I was a single mum on benefits".

Fuck off, Jack. Just fuck off.

Spinach, Lentil & Lemon Soup, 34p [Cook For Syria]

This easy, comforting spinach and lentil soup was inspired by a recipe in Saha, by Greg and Lucy Malouf. I made it a few times as a quick late-night supper, before I lost the notebook with the deta…

cookingonabootstrap.com

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Poca, think about how many peach and chickpea curries you could make, with peach and white chocolate tray bakes for dessert! You'll be able to recline on a sofa like the 15th century painting/grapes of luxury trope but instead of grapes, you can have someone feed you tinned peach slices.

 

[Harrybosch]

One for the history books, frauen. I believe this is the first recipe Jack ever posted online. It looks... ...good? Well, not the worst anyway!

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So in March 2012 she had money for butter, macadamias and matcha? This is when she had no heating and unscrewed lightbulbs.

 

[colouredlines]

Given that Jack claims to be the victim of violence many times over, this jokey part of the recipe seems very odd indeed.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

The more you look, the more you can't believe it's a real book View attachment 571522
Nay a wonder she didn't include photographs of the food

Yeah she never fails to amaze with her words.

She's talking about the mandarin/black bean stew.

 

[Harrybosch]

What's the cost of the 2p bread, so far @Orphan_Black?

The emotional cost? Incalculable.

 

[maytoseptember]

Jesus fuck. “Swollen oats”, “sodden oats”, half dead bananas, prunes...

But hunched over the stove eating them. Sure.

A breakfast to set you up for the day... on the toilet.

 

[Pocahontas]

Fraus. It needed the 20 minutes extra. It still don't seem right. It's like a sponge left to get mildew-y in a grubby bath.

Whilst it cools I'm off to walk the dog and re-evaluate my life choices...


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Kill it. Kill it with fire.

 

[Orphan_Black]

I ATE (SOME) OF THE BREAD

Like @PoorPatrol experienced with the Scuffins, it was both burnt and strangely undercooked all in one bite. No flavour at all. The texture of a wet sponge, and even with that sliminess it was a bastard to swallow.

Do not recommend.

 

[colouredlines]

Well, she did once threaten to educate her "stupidly large platform" on Myanmar. Then she must've got distracted by some dibdabs or something, because she never spoke of it again.

 

[Flash123]

Not around here much, but I would like some attention and validation of my conventional good looks.

 

[Hollaaa]

Right lads, I'm going to take one for the team with a go at white bean, spinach and garlic soup from Tin Can Cook. Jack describes it as 'marshy green slop' but, as ever, we'll be the judge of that.

 

[Hollaaa]

So, it soon turned out this morning that although there are only seven ingredients in this recipe, it's not possible to get all of them in one single supermarket. It took me 45 minutes, with the benefit of a car, to make it around THREE (of course!) supermarkets in my local vicinity. On foot, in the pissing rain, this would have taken me 2.5 hours, a good coat and shoes, and a great deal of mental strength not to just buy a tin of soup and fuck off home. Our Tesco is also at the top of a hill. All in all, I went to Lidl, then Tesco, then finally Asda, to source cannellini beans. Luckily I found butter beans in Lidl first off as Asda had run out.

When I read the recipe and realised it involved boiling onions and garlic, I also decided to make two versions, one with slightly elevated ingredients and methods. Anything not labelled in the photo is a thing I already had. Including the book, to my great shame.

 

[ThriftStoreLeCreuset]

This made me think of someone.

 

[Hollaaa]

I need to bring the one on the left to a rolling boil. Cold water + stock cube = good idea? Jack suggests using frozen spinach because tinned tastes 'grassy'. I couldn't find any tinned spinach to test that theory out.

On the right I'm cooking off onions and 4 cloves of garlic in profligate and fancy French butter, like some kind of bad poor. Excuse the state of the Le Creuset, darlings.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Was a bit miffed that Dua Lipa forgot to thank Jack last night in her acceptance speech at the Brits as she called for a pay rise for healthcare workers. Don't worry Dua, it's only the bloody founder of the hashtag.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Captainmouse]

Bit of a massacre

 

[MaineCoonMama]

On This Day

Last year on May 15th we were treated to the origin tale of the Emin in the loo.

PS I'm rather enjoying these forays into the past. I'll do them when I can if you chaps like them, depending on how good/bad I feel that day.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Still no endorsing of Marcus and Tom. I know she said there was no time limit by when she should tweet about Full time meals, but this is ridiculous.

On this day, three weeks ago...