Jack Monroe #186 The bromelain in canned pineapple is denatured

[Bobtheknob]

Sing a longView attachment 557183Here we go again....


View attachment 557184

I’ll just translate that for you. “Send money, I’m severely ill and am unable to work.”

 

[Switchstreetz]

Honestly it's kind of rude of her to be so boring on a Friday night tbh, come on Jack it's a bank holiday weekend do a chaos!

I was rather enjoying the horrors of that reused to death veg tray, sweets jack is just dull. Bla blah a penny for sweets, jumpers as goalposts etc

 

[Vanelope]

I’m sure there have been plenty of articles about how you don’t need to monetise your hobby and turn it into a side hustle. It’s better to enjoy it, and then you don’t have to be professionally good at it. Hand making stuff is hard, the amounts people pay for labour are tiny so people who do it have to be really good. Hand made jumpers cost hundreds, and they should for quality yarn alone, but people want them for 25 quid on Etsy. Fuck off with that, I make things for family and friends only.

I have forensically examined the embroidery on my large screen and have come to the following conclusions:

• The same hand stitched the whole thing. The flowers look better than the soil and roots at first glance, but NOT once you zoom in on the poorly executed leaf stitch on the right.
• The hand that stitched the pocket is at beginner level. Looks fine from a distance, quite messy close up.
• The brain that dreamed up the design spent ten minutes on Pinterest looking at pocket embroidery.
• The hand and the brain in question most likely belong to Jack Monroe. Not because she says so, but because it's a fairly basic design, done shoddily, infused with teenage depth and displayed for praise and adoration.

Investigation over, case closed.

Edit for clarity

 

[Captainmouse]

A glove, but not a glove, this poor wee soul appears to have met the combine at the wrong moment

I think it may have been a grass snake

 

[FrumpyCat]

Corned beef hash was my favourite dish growing up.

On camping holidays corned beef hash was my father's signature dish.

I am now a vegetarian who doesn't camp The two are not unconnected.

 

[OhhBacon]

This was mentioned on Friday's HIGNFY - corned beef sales have soared over lockdown, no mention of Jack in the article...

https://www.thegrocer.co.uk/canned/...to-resurgence-with-millennials/655357.article

Anyone remember back when DKL was on, we talked about the calamity that was Kack grating it to make a chilli. The discussion was in part around how expensive that would be as it is not cheap anymore.
My mum made us corned beef toasties with soup when the cash was low at the end of the month. This was one of my favourite meals and I didn’t realise it was a cash saving exercise.

A helpful Frau explained you can now buy it sliced in packets and that week I dinned on corned beef toasties with butter on the outside to fry them in, no fancy toastie machine was used.

Anyway I like to think that this rise in corned beef sales is possibly down to us discussing the deliciousness of a toastie and not Jack grating it on the telly!

 

[bladiesla]

What a difference a year makes. She ~ literally ~ has nothing of any value or interest left to post about other than vague medical dramas. At least we can rule out her treatment being lung related, and hopefully all this will help take the edge of her cocky attitude in the future.

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A classic Monroe - it's always someone else's fault. This time 'the snarkparty', not her own lack of skills and her dreadful recipes.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Ruh-roh. Unrinsed beans, too.
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Tuna as well? You can make super delicious super quick super thrifty soft low slow tuna, rinsed bean and pineapple surprise with a tomato base!

(When I went round to my only friend's house as a child his mum had made 'tuna crisp' for their dinner which was just a slop of tinned tuna in a white sauce baked with crushed up crisps on top. I had to politely decline multiple times. She even tried to get me to taste it by waving some on a spoon at me which really stretched my good manners to the limit)

edit: missed a word

 

[Lanie]

So she can spend money on adopting every waif and stray but moans she has no money and she is sooo poor.
*Whispers* I don't think there will ever be a forever home.*

 

[Ladderedtights]

My Mum was just complaining to me about Monty Don getting a new smaller dog after his old one Nigel passed (can’t wait to find out what vital information this has pushed out of my brain) and because I was trying to catch up with you ninnies I said, “Who, Mel Donte?”

Oh god, she’s just asked me to compare her ear size to Kirsty Wark’s...spare me.

Jacktopic, aaah I see we’re at the Old Sweetie Shoppe cycle. Tit.

 

[Cookiecookie]

That food list She really does like to imagine she grew up alongside her parents in the 60s and 70s.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

We had the dog one too. Also our school must have been a healthy school as we had cucumber instead of chocolate as phallic stand in of choice

eta snap @bladiesla!

It was curling tongs/wands in my school. Presumably switched off and cooled down

And the memorable example of young love in one of the maths classrooms that led to a shout of “We weren’t having fucking sex, I was only giving him a blowjob” echoing through the corridors (the shout happened, the level of echo has probably been “enhanced” in our memories ever since).

(LJ)Christ, Jack would have been eaten alive at a school like mine, allegedly stolen scalpel and all.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

It’s funny how something that seemed mildly unsettling a year ago now seems so ridiculous in its hyperbole and threat.

Doesn't it? I read that back now and think, what a dickhead . Her last bragging snippet there with the "100% track record" too, oh get over yourself lairy bollocks, we also screenshot everything.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Anticipating a long and never-ending tirade of veg-chopping, dicing, slicing, flavouring, and cooking, I had pre-emptively allowed myself over an hour to complete the recipe.

So I was gobsmacked when the ingredients took less than 10 minutes to chop and chuck together.

...it's a sandwich.

Who gives themselves an hour to make a fucking sandwich?

Maybe they are aware of Jacks body of work and were allowing time to slowly cook it low and slow

 

[Hollaaa]

Can I commission one with an image of the Linda McCartney sausage or mushroom curry with the secret message 'I am a shameless grifting twat signed Jack Monroe by Jack Monroe' sewn into it in brown please? It'll look like herbs.

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Yes - it’s all one and the same to me (and the depop sellers too, apparently). An example - not my daughter, obviously, but if there are some people out there with some old seventies and eighties floaty sort of dresses, get them on depop as it’s apparently very popular. My daughter has turned car boot and charity shop tat into a right tidy sum!

fair play to your daughter as depop can be stressful!
Item, listed at £30 + p&p
Buyer “can you do it for £4.50 including p&p?”
Raaaaaaaage

on topic, I prefer the current, subdued Jack to the snarky, reply to everyone with shitty put down Jack. She’s still braggy because that’s her personality, but she does seem to be getting a hold of herself and what she posts which is good!

 

[Lanie]

In 1999 the Belfast telegraph was 28p. I used to get 30p to buy it and always treated myself to either 1 bubaloo or 2 golfball chewing gums for the walk home. Wasn't I maverick also apparently some girl in my school had sex with a KitKat chunky. Pretty sure it's made up but still something equally ridiculous for her to read ain't it.

 

[Cookiecookie]

Wow. I missed it the first time around. This is awful. I guess covid makes some people delerious?
Someone alluded to something to do with harvester menus. Was that Jack or an urban myth?
If it was Jack please could somebody kindly share? I live near a harvester so could be useful Intel for me

She and Mrs J (our Lord Jesus Compton) went to Harvester for salad. Jack wanted to propose over salmonella based lettuce, but managed to hold out until later that night when they were watching soaps. I believe she then yelled her proposal to LJC, who for whatever bizarre reason, said yes.

 

[Yel]

Feel emboldened to concur now I’m on a mod’s side. Please stop. It’s fucking disgusting and actually a bit triggering.

The thing is mods can usually see when something is going in a bad direction. So we often try to nip it in the bud and face the backlash of being called dictators for acting before it gets too bad. But yeah this chocolate bar stuff is probably reached the end of the line

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

But if she practiced fridge date rotation she wouldn’t be able to make half of her recipes, ie dead salad bag pesto. The amount of times she mentions stuff on its last legs

What is fridge date rotation though?

1. Keep your fridge clean

2. Keep your fridge empty enough to see what is in there.

3. Don’t buy more of something if you have it already.

(although I once stayed with a friend in Sheffield when we were postgrads and there was a puffball growing in her fridge so I can understand that people have different standards.)