Don’t feel too sorry for, she brings this on herself! She’s had more chances than a lot more qualified/experienced/deserving people have snd the chances she’s had, she’s thrown away herself imo
Jack Monroe #185 Serves zero
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Jack Monroe Threads Wiki
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Don’t feel too sorry for, she brings this on herself! She’s had more chances than a lot more qualified/experienced/deserving people have snd the chances she’s had, she’s thrown away herself imo
I've justvfinushed Ruby's book. She loves food. She knows food. It comes through. Jack does not. It comes through.
That caponata, too! So not only can she not cook meat, she’s made a caponata that looks like slime. You’re supposed to get visible separate elements from a caponata, not slop! It isn’t a sauce or a stew, it’s supposed to be like a chunky accompaniment with different notes that compliment each other. She’s such a cuisine killer, LJC and the wee donkey, I cry!
Long Pig.. If you know, you know.
I know, I know.
Maybe I’ll get a tattoo reminding me not to feel sorry for her.
Too far?
Yeah, but then people will start calling you white trash on the train. Or an old man will mug you off in the street. Or both. Then you’ll be shin kicking, then you’ll be Tweeting in a rage at the train company and about the old man. It’s a slippery slope.
Every time you feel yourself slipping back into it, THINK OF THE GRANOLA!!!!!!
The bowls, omg 
I like that Del Monte have specified that the pickled bean and desiccated beetroot salad can be eaten indoors or outdoors in any season. Can't wait for winter to come around so I can sit outside with my hands cupped round a warming bowl of ...salad. Better make a start on the beans now, they need time to settle.
I like that Del Monte have specified that the pickled bean and desiccated beetroot salad can be eaten indoors or outdoors in any season. Can't wait for winter to come around so I can sit outside with my hands cupped round a warming bowl of ...salad. Better make a start on the beans now, they need time to settle.
She can't cook ANYTHING. It's actually hilarious. She's not even an average cook. She gets every element of cooking wrong.
Every new recipe brings me so much amusement, because you never think "sounds all right" or even "okay, but not to my taste." It's always bad ideas poorly executed.
Jack,
Can you imagine Toadie and Baldie's reaction when for signature dish Jack makes a peach and chickpea curry!
Thinking about her bean salad, and yep, proving your point (m'lud), she's even fucked up salad!!!
Quite the skill I must say.
Oh lord, I took a break from Tattle to bingewatch movies and there's been a chaos?? It just isn't my day todayCongratulations to @Emmapism for coming up with the title
Welcome to thread 185 slop avoiders!
Wild Garlic. London. 2021
Jack found or bought some and photographed it for instagram. I'm not sure if the garlic has been facetuned however.
The Diva awards (for which Jack has been nominated as best influencer) have their own chaos when it becomes apparent that they have not notified nominees of their inclusion in the award nominations. Therefore due to the outcry, the influencer category is removed. Category die so Jack cry, why oh why.
Del Monte present a salad of sadness by Jack. It's not brown or sloppy but it does look like the dregs of a dried out swamp and just as non filling too. Even the frogs would pass.
Jack is in her element presenting another dish of bleurgh containing vague limp greens formerly known as wild garlic. Delectably disgusting raw egg yolks, a Jack favourite also make a comeback. She has a real flair for making food no one wants to eat.
One and done Jack presents us with a brownie brick to remind us why constipation occurs. She claims this solid brown log is perfect but will need triple testing. To be honest it could anchor a ship or be the foundation stone of a skyscraper.
The brownie is baked in a convenience food tin as Jack continues to drop anvil hints about not being at home.
Jack treats us to a rare selfie, this time showing off her borrowed bedroom. The soft soft pink sofa retracting the morning light is definitely what is making her look younger and smoother. Nothing to do with facetune whatsoever. There are also cake sized breadcrumbs about where she is and why (rehab). Clearly she wants her good friends the fraus to know.
Jack somehow becomes entangled in an argument about drugs and sobriety. In this case she seems to have remained quite uncharacteristically mature.
Jack soon deletes her selfie and the argument. The selfie may or may not have revealed Sauron's eye within Jack's eye.
Our bowls overfloweth when Jack introduces us to Nigella as a bowl. Of course the cabal have a better idea
Housekeeping
*]
Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.
There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.
New to Jack? Have a look at the wiki.
The thing that really gets my goat, is that she always describes her own recipes (even in development stage) as ~incredible~, ~perfection~, etc etc etc. And it just wants to make me scream NO THEY'RE bleeping NOT.
One of the deep mysteries of the Universe is that.
I mean, salad is bomb-proof! Well, apparently not...
I know of a woman who once managed to burn salad. Jack has not quite reached her level.
(It was a Mr Bean sketch worthy chapter of accidents and if anyone else had told me I’d assume it was made up/exaggerated for effect but if you knew Jane*, it made perfect sense)
*Name changed to protect the salad burner
She reminds me a wee bit of those unfortunate but very very tenacious souls who go on X Factor despite being completely unable to sing but their friends and families have convinced them they can to the point that they can't really go 'actually you're tit' and all of a sudden it's all spiralled out of control and they're up there making an absolute show of themselves on
Thank you for saying as this as when I read that the salad can be eaten inside or outside it made me question why I’ve never thought some salads can’t be eaten both in and outside the home before and assumed it was me missing some important detailThe bowls, omg
Don’t forget, your tattoos will also stop you from getting your own cookery show on the BBC because you’re 2edgy4them.
- Status