Jack Monroe #16 Queen of the freezer, bathtime teaser & blue tick pleaser

[Flumps]

@Flumps Go on, ask him.

I think just go with how you've put it here. It's your Mum's 70th, lockdown means it won't be quite the celebration you had in mind, she's a huge fan and it would mean the world to her if he sent her a birthday message. The worst he can do is not respond. But just imagine your Mum's face if he comes through!

Done it! Chuh, *influencers*.

(Thank you, lovely bitches, wise not to let my weird social anxiety things stop me from trying to do nice stuff. x)

 

[PennyLoafer]

I will start

Author
Telly presenter
Cookery lecturer

Burger flipper
Barista
Sex worker
Sunday School teacher
Nightclub shots server
Chippy worker
Fire service control room operator
Campaigner
Activist
Political commentator
Food writer
Journalist

(All her words, not mine)

 

[TriviaNewtonJohn]

Fuck's sake. You can't 'jostle' a pan. That's not what the word means. I know it's a little thing but it distracts me from the recipe, wondering: where is her editor? Is the recipe as careless as the writing? I feel the same about typos in menus. Attention to detail in every aspect counts towards the overall impression.

On the plus side, whoo boy are we going to have fun posting reviews!

She'll blame tattle for any bad reviews. I have no intention of buying this book or writing any reviews.

 

[Sooverthat]

Tattlers.... my friends.... I'm back! My husband said it was Tattle or him (obviously I had to choose him!) But I can't help myself.... I've had a bored browse through Twitter and I'm sure you darlings have been ALL OVER THIS but I missed it and have jumped to the latest thread.... I love a good nipple but this is TOO MUCH!

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Always. So many new people come here and then stay on the strength of the petition and/or an IG rant.

Forever grateful for Sali's histrionics sending me here.

THANKS, SAL!

 

[LennyBriscoe]

We must always be court-ready, at any moment in time! Deep research at all times, outfits ready to go, posters full of legal advice and @LennyBriscoe tirelessly pounding the streets looking for perps (sorry Lenny, always dragging you in but I lurrve the Dick Wolf universe... — every time I see you post I hear the little double note scene change music...)

I was born ready!! I am ready to stake out, find evidence and determined to get justice at any cost! Sneak peak of me after our Court victory

 

[NP]

Yes, absolutely x

This will never get old. Makes me HOOT up a lung every time.

 

[Saturn.]

Suppressing all of my instincts to not reciprocate on Jack’s behalf to Emma’s lovely image.

 

[lipsticktaser]

Number one - the blurb for that recipe says pasta e pepe is pasta and chickpeas (wrong) and then shows a recipe with no chickpeas.
Number 2 - it’s essentially spaghetti hoops with cheese. I have that on toast about once a week I love it. Why fuck with what is already simple.
Number 3 - you can’t call something cacio e Pepe when the only ingredient the same is pepper.

Just because you say it is something, doesn’t make it so. A mushroom is not a sirloin stake just because you will it too. Just as a rinsed hoop is not spaghetti For other use. A hoop is a hoop, is a hoop.

 

[Mel Donte]

I hope that Jack has the decency to properly test the recipes for this book. When I'm low something as minor as spilling water when I'm making coffee can set me spiralling. Depressed people certainly don't need recipes that are destined to fail.

 

[chocolate choux]

It is so ridiculous because spaghetti hoops are perfectly acceptable and delicious as they are. For the love of God put them on some bloody toast and be done with it.

It’s not even economical - even own brand spaghetti hoops are pennies less than a bag of pasta, factor in the hoops being 1 serving versus the bag of pasta making several meals and all of a sudden it’s looking quite fancy

Proper pasta is a cheap cupboard food so what does she have against it?

 

[Saint_clemmie]

This is a long post to read if you can be bothered but since it’s on the subject of patron I thought I would share that my artist friend has launched hers and it couldn’t be more different than JM. So much gratitude to her audience who help her pay her bills.

 

[Tabitha D]

She loves her sandwiches? And? FFS she knows nothing about food/ ingredients/ cooking/ storage....

She loves her mum’s sandwiches! So she obviously pops round for a sandwich at her mum’s from time to time. Was this facility not available when she and her kid were starving, I wonder?

 

[Silver Linings]

Just saw an ad for dishwasher tabs and they talked about rinse, I immediately have a pavlovian response now and picture soggy spaghetti hoops.

 

[PennyLoafer]

This video is super-weird and uncomfortable. She starts off by introducing herself as "writer, campaigner, person with an itchy nose, cookbook author, activist, campaigner and accidental conqueror of my worst fears". She keeps rubbing her nose and at one point starts scratching, saying the itchiness is maybe a new "nerves thing" and that she feels like she has "bugs crawling all over my face". Lovely.

There's the usual faux self-deprecation and references to "dozens and dozens of messages of abuse" for an ITV appearance.
And rather hilariously, she states that the copyright for the song doesn't belong to her but to the original artists. No shit, Jack! It's also sort of odd that she doesn't mention Fleetwood Mac or Stevie Nicks at all - not a word about liking them or why she chose this song.

 

[Nosy_af]

I made the salad bag pesto. You know, it was actually RANK. I followed her recipe, although I used well in date salad. It was green, but that's about it. The silver dollar pancakes were actually great, but she's no great innovator.

 

[lipsticktaser]

Just get your admin off furlough. Or better yet, do it yourself?
She's such a Beggy McBeggerston

 

[maytoseptember]

I can’t help but wonder whether all this lying and attention seeking started in childhood and if Jack felt sidelined by having “100 foster kids” pass through the house when she was growing up.

 

[FrumpyCat]

She’s not reading here. Nope, she’s not View attachment 132403

Jack. Since you are reading this, Google 'how to store potatoes. That will tell you why you shouldn't store them in the fridge (clue, it's science,).

btw lay the fuck off the adjectives. And if it's any interest to you, I really I like that you don't constantly use your photos and videos of your child to raise your profile.

 

[Breakdance Badass]

Oh oh trouble ahead...