Jack Monroe #155 What a sad little life, Jack

[FeelingPrawny]

I need to go to sleep but....I wanna squig to tell her yakitori is chicken on a stick

Please never mention the horror that is the Human Centipede, unknowing Fraus might google it

I'm actually wondering which is worse between THAT film and JM 'food slop'. Whichever it is, is a close call..... possibly literally

 

[SlopAmbsase]

I think I've just died from laughter at this

Sweet fellow frau, I’m so sorry but my favourite American podcast hosts described English beaches as being grey and full of rancid eels. I think this tiny crappy square of Southend was their reference point. My anus is genuinely traumatised and now I can’t sleep.

I need to go to sleep but....I wanna squig to tell her yakitori is chicken on a stick

Please never mention the horror that is the Human Centipede, unknowing Fraus might google it

TBF there’s anything that can prepare a Frau for The Human Centipede it’s 150 plus threads of the JM experience.

 

[FeelingPrawny]

Sweet fellow frau, I’m so sorry but my favourite American podcast hosts described English beaches as being grey and full of rancid eels. I think this tiny square of Southend was their reference point. My anus is genuinely traumatised and now I can’t sleep.



TBF there’s anything that can prepare a Frau for The Human Centipede it’s 150 plus threads of the JM experience.

You know when you laugh SO hard that absolutely no sound comes out but you have tears in your eyes and your tummy hurts. (Thankfully not from eating dodgy sloppy JM food). That is me, now... attempting to breathe and stop laughing and then I look at my phone and start again. Can you imagine the judge if she takes us to court reading THIS stuff!

 

[hollowhusk]

"me wee ma so I do"

Jesus the second-hand embarrassment I've got from "me wee ma". NOBODY TALKS LIKE THIS IN NI JACK

They do in Glasgow/ central Scotland though, it' only the past few years I've heard people talking about their wee mums or mammys.

Please tell me Jack doesn't have a Scottish relative somewhere so she can stereotype us too!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

So she says she's used a spice mix called yakitori but yakitori is actually chicken on a stick?

What the duck? She's bleeping useless.

(I didn't know, but I'm not saying I've just bleeping eaten it)

 

[HotesTilaire]

So she says she's used a spice mix called yakitori but yakitori is actually chicken on a stick?

What the duck? She's bleeping useless.

(I didn't know, but I'm not saying I've just bleeping eaten it)

Babe, same x

Jack Monroe cooks for the Human Centipede is the horror film nobody wants

 

[hollowhusk]

How much would one like this cost? Asking for a frenemy
View attachment 457332

28p if you want the Smart Price tattoo and about 80p if you want the Heinz one with a ring pull, if you get enough smart price tattoos you can put the savings towards a Mulberry bag!

 

[SlopAmbsase]

You know when you laugh SO hard that absolutely no sound comes out but you have tears in your eyes and your tummy hurts. (Thankfully not from eating dodgy sloppy JM food). That is me, now... attempting to breathe and stop laughing and then I look at my phone and start again. Can you imagine the judge if she takes us to court reading THIS stuff!

I swear that if she’s actually eating this tit she could survive being the one at the bum end of the Human Centipede and still not be dead given the severe slop her intestines have previously endured. The only grey thing about her would be the reverse rat tail and the baggy sports bra.

 

[OhHeck]

Schwartz do a Japanese spice mix that they (incorrectly) call yakitori, so she has lifted it directly from there without realising it's total nonsense.

Also, who eats half a dozen packet of crisps daily when you have an ouchy mouth/tooth? I had a raging tooth infection a few years ago and it's the one time in my entire life I didn't eat crisps for about 3 weeks. Walkers definitely will have noticed the dip in sales.

 

[pssst!]

How many days until deadline?

View attachment 454132

I remember this day like it was only, well 130 threads ago. Fan signs are so circa never

 

[Marwood]

Truly a journey

View attachment 457556

Oooh now that's a matter of opinion

 

[I steal names]

They do in Glasgow/ central Scotland though, it' only the past few years I've heard people talking about their wee mums or mammys.

Please tell me Jack doesn't have a Scottish relative somewhere so she can stereotype us too!

She doesn't need a relative, she thinks she's part Scottish by spending a few days in a nice self catering accommodation in Edinburgh!

Can confirm "wee mammy". And my brother calls my mother "wee maw".

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

I had to buy tinned pears today as I’m making this pure boomer pear sticky toffee pudding at the weekend for our anniversary and Morrisons only had Del Monte which I refused to buy and instead made my boyfriend drive me to Sainsbury’s after the big shop. He rolled his eyes but respected my principled stance on grifters nonetheless, and that, dear cabal, is how we’ve lasted three years

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[moosesauna]

Honestly, that’s too many bleeping flavours in one bowl, Jack. I am appalled

Umami? More like 'woah, mama, put that tit away'

 

[FeelingPrawny]

Umami? More like 'woah, mama, put that tit away'

Maybe she thinks it's a way to get herself a 'ooh mami' (the joke of mommy and mami sounded better in my head I will admit . Like her getting a sugar mummy) I'll see myself out with this terrible joke. Lmao

 

[peperomides]

Chums, I'm trying to catch up properly, as per. But I found the traaazers Old Chief wouldn't let her wear. I was almost saying that outfit outside no.10 is the ugliest effing thing I'd seen her wear, until...


(Editing to add, her fake Belfast schtick gives me the absolute boak)

this makes me and my degree in fashion design (menswear based and all) want to either throw up and/or cry. Not quite sure yet. I'm all for having your own personal style and men's tailoring on women but there's just nothing right about this. I'm just

 

[EllaEm87]

She doesn't need a relative, she thinks she's part Scottish by spending a few days in a nice self catering accommodation in Edinburgh!

Can confirm "wee mammy". And my brother calls my mother "wee maw".

I would never say my wee mammy in Belfast because I speak proper, like. I do, however call my Granny “wee granny” because she’s actually wee.

ETA as a fond joke. I don’t call her it to her face. She wouldn’t have a clue what I was on about.

 

[blurstoftimes]

late grunk because i moved house today and struggle to sleep in new places SO many thoughts on that ramen

-the broth is 100% from a packet i have no idea how you'd manage to make it that colour otherwise
-why not rehydrate the mushrooms in the broth?
-CELERY? In a ramen broth?!
-if she didn't rinse the soba under cold water after cooking then those noodles will be a horrible claggy mess
-ramen toppings are meant to be a balance of flavours, not everything is supposed to taste like soy sauce! Also you wouldn't put pulled pork on a ramen so why do you think jackfruit belongs on there. Also the greens should taste crisp and fresh not oily from frying ugh
-not even going to think about mushrooms fried in mayo for a single second longer
-umeboshi is sour but i would not describe it as fierce wtf
-yakitori. Lol. I'm embarrassed for her. Didn't she claim to make her own tograshi once? What's the bleeping point


overall i am shocked that she can duck up ramen this much...why does all her food always look absolutely filthy?!

Picture of some recent ramens i made for comparison and as eye bleach for that monstrosity

 

[Blurp]

I'm thinking that crisps and bread from the wrapper sound better than that horrendous-looking and sounding meal she's thrown together (I can't say cooked).