Jack Monroe #149 How dare you defile our oats?

[colouredlines]

Ahhh, a Valentine's Day chaos.

Something's going on behind the scenes with Linda McC. She didn't mention anything vegan during Veganuary, but she's doubled down in the last week or so, EVERYTHING is vegan or will be made vegan soon (the vegan community are crying out for Yorkshire puddings topped with tinned fruit? Okay). I wonder if she was expecting a much longer collaboration to come of it? It feels like she's received a final "no" or been blocked by Linda on whatsapp or something, hence her finally going after the angry vegans.

It cracks me up that she's gone after Miguel Barclay for being white and well-off. Jack, you can drop 250£ on an ugly jumper, and by your own logic, having one southern European grandparent makes you a POC, so his arse is every bit as Mediterranean as yours.

I love that the pile of bills is now a decade old, by the way. So...it predates the Open House Sale? She sold the lightbulbs but couldn't interest anyone in the bills? She then took it with her when she downsized from the executive apartment to the very slightly cheaper two-bed flat? She lugged the bills to Allegra's place in London? She's been carting that stack around for 18 or 24 or however many moves it's been?

Anyway Jack you mad bullshit artist, thank you very Matt much for giving me something mildly entertaining to watch while I wait for our polls to close.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Yeah, go on Jack! Post screenshots of the viggles' comments so people can see what you're referring to. Would be nice to give your followers the chance to see what these LIES are.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Honestly, the sheep jumper has sent me over the edge. Unfathomable to me that she can sit there bleating () on about poverty and how SHE RENTS whilst she's sat there in Diana's frigging jumper. She doesn't even do the povvo cosplay well, that's what annoys me so much. At least dress in some cheap clothes and don't have all your tech on show.

Demand for that jumper sky rocketed after Emma Corrin wore it in the last series of The Crown. Which I think was released in November right? She did well to get hold of one as a Christmas gift because I remember reading an article from the manufacturers in the run up to Christmas saying that they were sold out and they were now making them available by preorder. Just checked and it's still the case. It's like a six week lead time.

Warm & Wonderful Women's Sheep Sweater (Fitted)

The authentic black sheep jumper worn by Princess Diana, from the designers who made the original. Warm & Wonderful created the original sheep jumper in 1979, and shot to fame when a young Lady Diana Spencer, later Princess of Wales, began wearing it. Joanna Osborne and Sally Muir, who founded...

rowingblazers.com

I don't think she'll ever get called out properly.

couldn't she simply choose to not wear the £250 Royal sheep jumper during her podcast about poverty???? just a thought #BlurstHacks

 

[ScamSandwich]

I have known poverty like that, albeit without a child. I was in a homeless unit for 2 months, years back, after getting out of a psych unit (catatonic depression), before being housed, and I remember the staff bringing me a mini jar of Nescafé so I could enjoy a cup of coffee. My stepdad came to visit and had his number plates nicked for a petrol robbery, so the family refused to come to see me again. I got housed and ended up with a social worker at the age of 40 because I was undiagnosed autistic and had nothing more than a pot of yoghurt in the fridge. Thankfully, I had an incredible GP who spotted the problem. It’s harsh, it’s really harsh. I’ve been in full time work for 8 years now but still don’t cope well, financially or emotionally. The idea of affording a 2/3 bedroom bungalow and the clothes and partners with those incomes - it’s unbelievable. I still struggle and a lot of the time can’t cope with life, no matter how much I banter on here. I think I’m going to take some time out because I can’t deal with her shit. I wish I had her money and her privileges, I really do. I’d be so happy.

Dear @Ninch55 , on a grunka so you might already be on a break. I just wanted to let you know that I was really moved when I read what you wrote and I am glad that you found a really good intuitive and knowledgeable GP to help you back then. That was a really harsh situation to be in. It is so good to read that you have been in employment for the last 8 years and I hope that things will be OK and better for you.

JM makes us all so angry, especially for someone who has experienced real hardship and had no support at all. I can understand the need for a break. Whatever you decide, heartfelt good wishes and a virtual hug.

 

[holliebollie]

Most of the adults in the UK have at least one ACE (adverse childhood experience), many have a few. They’re traumatic events/recurring conditions such as having a parent go to prison, a parent dying, having to seek asylum and maltreatment. The more you have, the higher the risk of stress related illness etc. While you don’t want anyone to have to suffer with an ACE, they can be somewhat overcome by a supportive adult and the right care.

What they AREN’T is when your idiotic mother quits her job for no reason, doesn’t bother applying for benefits because it’s not the Tory way, then ends up in the shit for less than a year, all the while living in the same town as your living, supportive, capable parents and father of said child. What a fucking idiot.

 

[Switchstreetz]

Foolishly made a new twitter a couple of days ago and very quickly remembered why I stopped using the old one...still, at least I get to share some of my suffering with you all.

Spoiler: BEHOLD (not while eating, sorry Triv!)

Can she be done for manslaughter if squiggle eats that?

 

[Satisfying Click]

More from the viggles. Just when the poor sod in charge of the LM food's social media account thought they could breathe a sigh of relief

 

[Veronicaaa]

On insta stories, Jack's saying she's giving up the cooking bacon she was so zealous about for so long, and changing to some vegan bacon. She's shilling for one particular brand because she's suddenly rediscovered her 'morals'. Too little, too late for Linda McCartney (RIP in peace).

 

[HotesTilaire]

If you have any questions, there is someone who will always answer

 

[blurstoftimes]

could this be the most humble brag heavy article she's ever written?

 

[traumatised sideboard]

At last, my predicted Mr. Creosote-style venom explosion is happening! I knew she couldn't stand taking the moral high road and sending people prayers forevermore. Smol robots guy is getting salty and all. If you want a Robot Wars, you know where to find me but I have to warn you that while my robots look as stupid as yours they are actually able to do things so I'm already multiple steps ahead.

I was feeling quite depressed at yet another consecutive solo Valentine's Day but I think I feel a bit better now knowing that nobody is going to try to serve me a split flat Yorkshire pudding filled with over-priced fruit luxuriating in its own juices.

By the way, in the interests of being forensic, the pram v. buggy thing was a misquote on my part. I'd only retained the general meaning and didn't recall her exact wording - she said buggy not pram. I repeat not pram.

 

[Alansbigplate]

So she attempts to give her book a plug then says sod that lets do something totally different? Not exactly selling GFFBD is it?

Is there much nutritional value or point in her sneaky greens approach? Lettuce and gone off salad being turned into dust

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Linda McCartney staff have all furloughed themselves at this point.

Genuinely laughed out loud at the thought of that!
I’ve said it before, but it’s just so true - “brand on the run”.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

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In the Owen Jones podcast she says her and her best mate would go to the food bank with their kids and hide the boxes from the food bank in their prams with a baby blanket or something over it to cover it up. So people both did and did not know about it. Schrodinger's Jack strikes again!

She could also absolutely not ever even once bench press her own bodyweight as fellow forensic powerlifting friend @discokebab will attest. If she did I want to see evidence of it, after which I will retire Slopbot, delete all the photos I've saved for making stupid photoshops of her stupid face and write a song about how impressively strong she is. I will also get the train to Southend and personally leave a medal carved out of butter on her doorstep.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

 

[waffle maker]

She shouldn’t have fiddled with hummus. Before Covid banned hot dinners and buffets where I work, we used to get hummus every day in a vat with our lunch. Once the hummus machine broke down and we had babaganoush instead and they sent an all staff memo in case there was a shocked riot or something. Hummus not to be messed with in the Middle East.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Gingerly go fuck yourself, you insufferable fraud!

 

[Flash123]

The article has been posted and I lasted a paragraph and almost replied on Twitter so I had to close it. Me me me me me me me. Usual shit.

I am going to say it. Starving your son when your parents would have helped you out is child abuse. Plain and simple. If this actually happened.

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Happy Valentines Day ninnies! Glove is in the air!
Here‘s one of Jack’s most romantic quotes 🤍

Spoiler