I watched an outdoor play there a few Summers ago, June I think . I’ve never been so cold in my life, it was Baltic.
I watched an outdoor play there a few Summers ago, June I think . I’ve never been so cold in my life, it was Baltic.We went to Blists Hill on school trips, every. bloody. year.
I hate to defend her in any way, but I think it can go both ways. Both through my own experience and at work, a lot of people who get out of poverty will do stuff like impulse buy a Llama doorstop just because they can. Trainers as well is fairly classic, if they were unreachable as a kid while everyone around you had the designer ones the impulse to buy as soon as you can can be really strong. At one stage I had 5 winter coats because as a kid my mum couldn’t even afford one and now I could have them I wanted them.
Same way they do for humans - spread fingers/toes (my favourite bit when the stooooooopid one does it in response to my tickling between them), place pointiest bit between the jaws (obvs, nowhere near the pink end), squeeze together, pointiest bit comes off with a tiny click. And then he wanders off to reacquire lethal weapons against the kitchen table leg.I just linked to the 1st one dr google supplied but these look more like what I have and a better price. No sure how human ones would work?
You’d think it would be near a llama-nated floor....Apparently llama “guards All The Food” but this can’t be a room associated with food surely! Must be a bedroom. Are my eyes deceiving me or is it a room in the eaves with a Juliet balcony? I have no idea what her house looks like (other than it being a two storey shitty bungalow!)
Is it possible to change keywords at all? Say, to Monroe + ('Grifter' OR 'Cunt'), for example?This is the preview for her GA, in the last 2 days she’s been in two articles, 1 of them is about a made up JMConsidering we’re on a thread a day very clearly tattle is not coming up in these!
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Whilst I have butter AND a butter dish, I cannot put said butter into butter dish as it comes in a tub. What does this mean? Am I an awful person? I mean, it's not an 'ethnic' butter dish or anything and doesn't have it's own choral score...Saaaaaame I have butter but no butter dish. Am I comfortable or am I poor? Help me Jack!
The original lettuce leaf crockery started in the 1930s, and at one time could be picked up for next to nowt because, let's face it, it's hideousThe lettuce/cabbage serving dishes are exactly what made me think of Liberty! I wonder if she says that she sees things in 'charity shops' to throw people off of the scent of her either having a fair bit of money or coveting expensive things? Thing is, no-one (apart from us!) will ID a llama doorstop because, not long back, llamas became the new owl in the 'what cute owl can we make into a mug/soft furnishing/general homeware object' and so became ten a penny. You could buy that llama doorstop at about 4 different price points in this country. It's not like flaunting something obviously expensive and easily identifiable to someone who has spent too much time in a department store (maybe like something designed by Tom Dixon?) If you catch my drift?
They page doctors in an emergency and Jack has two honorary doctorates so that’s probably where she picked it up? That or the 90sWhen people say they're "paging" somebody. Do they just mean texting? Are they trying to sound very very important?
Paging Dr Monroe...just wanted to let you know you’re not a lawyer and your doctorate means fuck allWhen people say they're "paging" somebody. Do they just mean texting? Are they trying to sound very very important?
Yes! When I went with my now ex, that was what she called them and said her Mum makes them sometimes.Called proggy mats up here though (I’m a North easterner, not a geordie though). You can still go on courses learn how to do it.
Don't you be dragging Nigel Slater into your weird chat up scenarios Jack...I'd guess her goldfish was only named Allegra after Allegra planted the idea in Jack's brain:
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(Obviously, Jack's tweets/replies are long gone)
as usual I am only reading recaps now, but number 3 is hysterical! as usual amazing work @PocahontasCongratulations to this trio of floofles: @jenny2603 @gracebevsescapingboobs and @SoulRebel for the thread title!your prize: a bowl of the curried rice creation. It’s like gravel in a bowl.
Recap of thread #137
- Hot Take Jack says those tiktok quesadillas aren’t much cop.
- SB drew a ‘floofle’ for her because she’s ‘all tough and stuff’, which was then immortalised into a smol robot thing.
- She made some curried rice and a bowl of wonder. Aesthetic for both: jumbled junk on tin.
- She was briefly Jack Monroe MBE, before being stripped of the honour.
- Joe Biden calmly, gently became president so she hugged her telly.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
** NEW **
‘Literally hella embarrassed AF’ about ‘Brexit and flip-flopping Covid flippancy’ and she ‘didn’t even vote for it’.
She likes to describe herself as ‘puppyishly honest and naively enthusiastic’
As of late November 2020, Jack conceded she is not poor, but living to a budget as she is saving for a forever home for her and SB.
*****
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
[*][*]
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- ** NEW ** However, during Lockdown 2 (November 2020), a bubble buddy, ‘buddle’ (BB) came to stay with Jack. BB is pescatarian, cycles 200 miles a week, and works in London. Jack is teaching her to cook, while also using her as a figure of gentle ridicule. She cannot cook, she cannot iron, she cannot clean the television properly, she left the hose out and it got eaten by a fox, and she doesn’t know the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
- She recently claimed she found her Burberry scarf in a muddy puddle.
Use the pink link tab at the top of the thread to find Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, where you will find all episodes of Daily Kitchen Live.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
[*][*][*]
- Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ‘thread title’, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number won’t be enough. We also can’t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
Back when I was a teenager pagers were like today’s mobile phones. You could message/page people and their pager would bleep and show your message. I’m a fair few years older than Jack though, so fuck knows why she says it!When people say they're "paging" somebody. Do they just mean texting? Are they trying to sound very very important?
It's was a thing that poor people did so they didn't have bare floors. My mum made them as a child, as did my mother in law.I went there as well - part of a school trip where we stayed at some big hotel in Seahouses. Definitely not Geordie or Sanddancer, though.
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