Jack Monroe #125 Tweeted it, completed it, deleted it

[Alansbigplate]

I love when you ninnies think you’ll be triangulated from the most random things Like eek here’s a picture of my wheelie bin

 

[MancBee]

I’m confused about how she thinks she’s going to get a mortgage (post butter cut-backs, of course) if she’s not able to get more than a basic bank account..

She doesn't want a mortgage, she wants a house bought outright.

 

[Incywincy]

Hello, it's me again.

Just finished the last thread and I am VERY disappointed that nobody nominated @Winthropp Tuesday's "Dangling her flaps over a fucking Cotswold sideboard like none of it matters" for thread title.

Please take this is my official (early but they are moving so fast) thread title suggestion.

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

Ironically that’s almost a good name for a Bond Film, “Deleted By The End of the Day, out NOW!”

@Pocahontas thank you for the recap. Thanks to the “The Great Kickstarter Khaos” link I realised people were still commenting and waiting!
(I didn’t notice the dates before because yes, I was another one distracted by laughing at “I’d LOVE to be probed wrong”. Wow.)

Loving the title @_blank_ ! And kudos to you @Minky McMoneypenny for once again accidentally overcoming your fears and starting a new thread!!

The Monroe Bond film would be called 'screenshots are forever.'

 

[Tabitha D]

I'm off to bed, leaving yous with this from the archives: a charming description of who Jack makes birthday cakes for. Lovely.

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Isn’t it a bit odd that a food writer (who presumably is hoping that her food appeals to as many people as possible so that she gets more followers and sells more books) includes the following words in a single post about a cake:

joke
hate
shit
trash fire
fanny
throw up
stress eaten
violently ill

She’s got a VERY weird relationship with food.

 

[Scarletfever]

She’s trying to make it sound as if she’s just a humble tiny enterprise with that, surprised she’s even dare to admit to having an accountant lest the squiggles look on CH.

Also dildos? From a business account?! What a fucking pisstake pay your taxes u grot

Dildos? From a business account?

(The new traaazers )

 

[DinosaurSenior]

@MancBee you are such a wonderful person and it's horrible to think of you being upset.

I know you don't do the swearing...but.. she's a total fucking horrible woman

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

A pleasure of mine is Australia Masterchef and the passion these home cooks have for food and what they get out through on challenges is incredible. I’d love to see her on that show - I doubt she’d even get picked to be a contestant though. I love seeing how much each person respects produce. I realise there’s a lot of privilege in terms of being able to afford food (jfc I cannot believe people need food banks in this country it’s an absolute disgrace).


I had a bit of an emosh day yesterday. I run a small creative bizniz and have seen how distressing the last month or two have been for others. Royal Mail and USPS have been completely drowned and so orders have been taking weeks to get to their destinations or just getting lost (but actually lost, not an excuse used). The angry messages I’ve seen people receive from customers who (and I understand it’s frustrating) just don’t seem to realise that small businesses aren’t Amazon and there is nothing we can do about what postal services are experiencing with this immense uplift in use plus covid plus usual Christmas post. To know that Jack Monroe got backed £68k, didn’t bother doing anything for over 2 years and then didn’t even apologise and STILL has people fawning over her just really hit me. I could never dream of not delivering something I had promised. I would never do a Kickstarter unless I had a solid framework. Plus why, WHY would you hand write thousands of addresses? A simple Mail merge would’ve taken 2 hours max to complete and print (I’m being generous with time) and if you don’t know or hasn’t heard of it - why would you not google a solution?
Apologies for my incoherent waffle and pity party.

 

[Alansbigplate]

It kills me that we've never uncovered a Jack sockpuppet on these threads. It's impossible that she's never done it! Impossible I tell you!

 

[Minky McMoneypenny]

I'm sorry to be spamming you with Kickstarter Khaos, but I'm reading the comments and it's only just dawning on me just how long the grifting has been going on. The kickstarter predates the Katie Hopkins thing, the shitty bungalow (possibly by one other RENTED place) and the election where she was going to stand as an candidate
The comments section of the kickstarter just about replicates this Tattle forum. She's never going to change and she's never going to get called out on it.

 

[Silver Linings]

It kills me that we've never uncovered a Jack sockpuppet on these threads. It's impossible that she's never done it! Impossible I tell you!

Hmmm. Is it now, Miss Blurst! Some could argue the best way to divert attention is to call it out. All the delicious food you’ve posted is a ruse and it is you who is the sock!
(I am joking)

 

[MancBee]

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She needs the app to be very simple because she is "a massive idiot" (her words your honour) But her IT skills are so extensive, she can triangulate us to our front doors!

 

[kachoochoo]

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God, I've always hated this pic with a passion!

"look at meeee! I'm a relatively good-looking slim person posing in my undies in the best light to give a middle finger to the diet industry! whooo! go me! I'm so empowering!"

 

[Silver Linings]

I missed bond jack...., what happened there?

Jack read her two year old newspaper and saw that Lashana Lynch is technically 007 in the much delayed Bond film. She said this meant LL is the new Bond. She then declared she’s actually a secret Bond nerd who had theories aplenty about ....things, despite not having seen all of them or realised 007 is just Bond’s agent number. They were all deleted by the end of the day.

 

[MancBee]

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Follow up from yesterday’s squiggles

I wonder why squiggle wouldn't willingly visit Tattle again? Overwhelmed by the humour and camaraderie?

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I *literally* thought I would never catch up! Pesky work has been keeping me BUSY.

I don’t know if it’s heightened when you read a lot of threads at once but that was some intense shit! The COVID, the cold chippy tea, the abduction, the Daily Express article (I bet JO is sleeping much better after her apology)...but in all seriousness, for the first time I really contemplated stepping away from the thread. The Long COVID stuff was bad enough but the picture with the headscarf was beyond disgusting. It blows my mind that she thought ‘what can make me seem more vulnerable and sympathy-inducing? Ooh a head scarf’. I think she’s ill but it’s not COVID she’s suffering from.

Hogmanay tomorrow, can’t wait to see what Jock McMonroe has in store. Well it’s her spiritual home after all, it would be rude not to mark the occasion...

 

[MancBee]

On that note, since it's after midnight here - Happy New Year you lot!

2021 does exists, so let's all hope it's not a total fucker like 2020.

Going to try and go to sleep now

Happy new year to you, and all the contributors to Tattle. Your support, humour and downright cleverness have been some of the few things that has made this year bearable.

 

[Emmapism]

Do you think Jack knows you don't need to tell your accountant about personal purchases? Because I don't think she does. If she's buying dildos out of her business bank account then she's got bigger issues than I thought.

 

[bladiesla]

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Classic JM

"Give me advice"..."No, not that advice"

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I did not find one where she looked particularly cheeky. Not me, no way.


My aim is to make the thread so ridiculous she’ll never reference it in court.

Who’d have thought *C4’s Head Of News and Current Affairs* could be such a source of comedy! What a world!


I can’t stop laughing at this whole thing, and how the investigation has been progressing.
Thanks to onsite reporter @Marmalade Atkins exposing the culprit and @Alansbigplate ‘s ongoing updates.

-“Louisa Compton made her get rid of the Brexit stockpile”

- “Louisa Compton forced her to get rid of her Brexit tins”

- “Louisa Compton stole Jack Monroe’s Brexit tins and gave her the long covid!”

And now we have an artist‘s impression of the pesky “Tin Snatch Crook”!