Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[MarmiteExtract]

Surely by now she’s listed every food she’s ever tried?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Many pages behind, but surely this is rice pudding? After Southend constabulary have cracked our case of the century they’re gonna have to look for the missing person in this dish - where the fuck are the prawns?!

That prawn cocktail! It looks like tinned rice pudding, what the fuck has she done to it?!

Looool someone beat me to it! X

 

[Captainmouse]

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That’s as maybe, but it’s a big fat fail! That is one of the worst meals I have ever seen, it’s gross. how has she generated all that peel?? Cos the veg doesn’t look peeled, and she hasn’t topped the carrots, and on what planet is it acceptable to feed peelings to someone as a Christmas dinner??? as for the whitcherty grub in the starter

that is truly horrible, she may well go viral, if this gets out. I hope nobody actually wastes money on this abomination.
I’m gonna have nightmares

and somebody please alert the crash team are close to collapse, poor sods

sorry guys, I was so angry I didn’t realise I had my 1st thread title thanks

 

[Alansbigplate]

This looks like Ginger the mummy who lives at the British museum (obvs probably stolen)

Surely you mean...Stollen

 

[MancBee]

A) I'm so sorry but that recipe made me feel very strange. Blending. Raw. Onions. To. Make. Gravy.

B) I'm sorry but what's the point? Buy a small tub of own brand veggie gravy granules. Seriously, what's the point? If you're not going to make it properly with homemade stock etc then that's FINE. No one expects that, just use granules?

C) I'm way less sorry but why put lard in everything? Congrats your stuffing can be a vegan main! They have nothing to eat it with because everything's smeared in animal fat! Buy a small bottle of cheap oil and use that as your cooking fat instead so, y'know, your guests can actually eat things...

In short, I am now Alarmed and I don't understand why everything has to be made so complicated by her

I really, really want someone to make this gravy. I have all the ingredients (including lard, but I will explain) but I can't justify the waste of onions, cranberry sauce and chicken stock. Please will someone try it, or I might be forced to have a go myself.

I use lard for pastry making. Half lard and half butter makes a really good shortcrust pastry. Perfect texture, and taste, especially for savory pies. I have kept quiet over these past few pages, as everyone seems horrified that anyone could still be using it. Sorry (I'm not really).

ETA, My Mum used to roast potatoes in lard, and the chip pan always had lard in it. Her roasts and chips were really good, but she knew what she was doing. Alternatives were thin on the ground back in the post war 50's and 60's. Even she wouldn't use lard in a gravy or sauce.

 

[Montrachet]

At least the Tiggy & Bo™ Aqua + Marine Tote Bag will provide numerous handy places to store the thermometer in between updates on Twitter.

 

[BobRob]

Tweeting these nonsensical lists of foods are contributing to her working day. Give it a few weeks and she’ll be telling everyone that she continued to work flat out while delirious with COVID. Jack Monroe: Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop.

 

[Flivver]

She's deleted this one! So long, Brain faggots

Perhaps the mention of grandpa’s brain pâté upset her vegan fans.

I couldn’t have spent hours on Twitter when my ‘rona was at its worst. I was a sweatslick who just wanted to lie in a darkened room sipping soluble paracetamol trying not to throw up. I was shit scared that I’d infect my immunocompromised son or 59 year old partner. Nothing funny in that.

While she was basking in her self absorbed Twitfest, I watched MR’s Mum’s interview about her struggles to feed her family. She worked three jobs and often went without food so her children could eat. Did Jack even mention it?

 

[Alansbigplate]

 

[PoorPatrol]

a christmas roast without braised red cabbage is a crime imo! hers isn't balanced at all, it's nice to have something crunchy (potatoes), something creamy (eg creamed leeks or cauli cheese), something slightly sweet and spiced (braised red cabbage), something green and crisp (sprouts, broccoli or in my case both)...this is obviously on top of all the other trimmings but at the very least a christmas roast needs those elements to be worthy of publishing in a fucking newspaper!

Yes exactly, all of this. My friend’s mum, going back to I think I was probably v early twenties, was pontificating to us about how to make any meal excellent. What it came down to, she said, was contrast between but also marriage of flavours and textures. You then need variety of colour which = health, and balance. It was only when I started cooking regularly that I realised I was always asking myself if I was meeting her criteria. I aim for this even with the simplest of meals, even a sandwich! There are golden ratios and pairings that work for a reason. It’s why Thai food is so ridiculously wonderful, why things like cauliflower cheese is so amazing, shavings of spring onion can make a dish, and crispy roast potatoes are the food of the gods. She has zero understanding of any of this!

 

[FlorenceFlutterbucket]

To all you lovely people here, thanks for making this one time lurker feel welcome! Enjoy the sloppies, mr flutter bucket has just finished work until January and we have just completed our last home school lesson of the year. Music and dancing are in order now!
Have fun tonight. I will look forward to catching up tomorrow

 

[Dogmuck]

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Who’s putting money on her not going sleep now? So much more to add to that list Jack, don’t leave us hanging...you’ve not even mentioned Spangles ffs!

 

[Oofadoofa]

that Christmas dinner makes me want to call the police and cry.

Early contender ...

 

[Fruitjack]

Unfortunately dear heart, you have misunderstood. Poor people do not have freezers. Do not pass go, do not collect £23.

They do, of course, have blenders, ovens, fridges, slow cookers, pans galore and fancy serving dishes.

Oh it’s zero waste now is it?
Because I’m FEWMIN at the latest arrangement of slop, I’ve just popped over to Iceland.
I filled my trolley with -
Starter- Brie and cranberry pastry crown £2
Main- bacon wrapped turkey breast serves 4 1.15kg £7
20 Yorkshire’s £1
900g Mixed veg £1
907g Roasted potatoes in veg oil £1
400g Sprouts with chestnuts £1
280g Red cabbage £1
Any bisto that’s veggie £1
24 “trimmings” pigs in blanket and pork stuffing balls £3
Dessert- luxury Xmas pud serves 4 £2 (half price offer)
1kg Birds custard £1
£23.50
I’d probably not bother with frozen mixed veg, I’d spend the £1 on fresh carrots and swede.
This isn’t a zero waste dinner. There’s plenty of leftovers for Boxing Day. And it’s frozen so it will keep.
I think there’s too much spent on the meat to be honest. But yeah, similar cost as Mackie, but using much less electricity and with leftover food for another day....

 

[TillyMiffin]

We knew the ‘got the rona’ tweet was coming. But why is she’s listing every item from the stock book of Bejams circa 1987?!

 

[Harrybosch]

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It's the end times. Goodbye, Jack. You'll be with Viv soon.

 

[jenny2603]

If Jack is genuinely unwell then I hope she has a speedy recovery. I do think it's possible she's telling the truth, the giveaway being she hasn't made a huge embarrassing fuss about it, those of us who remember the black eye and the splinter dramas will be familiar with her usual form. On the off chance she's at it then I look forward to the ensuing chaos.

ETA: Spoke too soon. The squiggles are getting the full "tried it mate" treatment.

 

[xoxo]

WHY IS SHE STILL SAYING THINGS?

wait. I know why.

 

[lilamay]

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So she deleted that tweet within a few minutes and then replied with a lengthier comeback, which she also now deleted.
The cringe kills me

 

[Mel Donte]

I think if Jack had a positive coronavirus test result we would have seen it.

Moving on to more important matters, I'm going for a denim look for The Sloppies but I can't decide if I want to channel Justin or Britney