Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[TurnedUpInTipp]

I really, really want someone to make this gravy. I have all the ingredients (including lard, but I will explain) but I can't justify the waste of onions, cranberry sauce and chicken stock. Please will someone try it, or I might be forced to have a go myself.

I use lard for pastry making. Half lard and half butter makes a really good shortcrust pastry. Perfect texture, and taste, especially for savory pies. I have kept quiet over these past few pages, as everyone seems horrified that anyone could still be using it. Sorry (I'm not really).

ETA, My Mum used to roast potatoes in lard, and the chip pan always had lard in it. Her roasts and chips were really good, but she knew what she was doing. Alternatives were thin on the ground back in the post war 50's and 60's. Even she wouldn't use lard in a gravy or sauce.

I'm in the middle of doing it now.

 

[PoorPatrol]

I’m tempted to fully triangulate myself and post photos of my own roast dinners. I can’t understand how she has the audacity to market this as some kind of wonderful gift to her squiggles! How is it all grey but yellow? How have her allegedly par-boiled potatoes got nothing going on with their edges? How have veg peelings become a stony flavourless brick? Why does her custard look like it was made from powder and lard? How has she made nothing look it’s best, she’s even made roasted carrots look dead.

Also. It’s Christmas. People want a variety of dishes don’t they? There’s no colour there. Even when I lay out a standard roast, I do it in a sort of wheel/colour scheme, as I was taught about complementary colours and textures years and years ago by a friend’s mum. My Christmas dinner has lots of yellowy browns of course, but we also have spinach, red cabbage, peas, broccoli, and sprouts all interspersed to make it look vibrant. Oh, and I don’t think she made those Yorkshire’s. I don’t think it’s possible for homemade ones to look that grim. Mine are like pillows.

 

[Pocahontas]

Lads. The only good thing is she’s not dreaming about her own food

And isn’t that telling.

Ooh, ooh. I’m just imagining that thin, watery no-sauce and biting into the crunchy layers of my desert-dry lasagne. Ah, I feel better already.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

View attachment 351071View attachment 351072View attachment 351073
Three tweets in a minute. Nowt wrong with her finger sausages.

Which days?

The late 90s and early 00s when she actually grew up?

The 80s when she wished she grew up?

The 70s which she pulls out for the big dopa hits?

 

[bladiesla]

Who had the Vienetta on her bulshit bingo card?

 

[Fairy dust munch]

She is not ill.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Each and every time you think Jack Monroe can't get any more ridiculous and downright embarrassing....she does. It's truly a wonder.

 

[FlorenceFlutterbucket]

also - is this how an immunocompromised person reacts to having covid and a dangerously high fever? Remember she claimed to be at the top of the vaccine priority list only last week

She is absolutely full of shite isn’t she. My 3 yr old son has a atrial septal defect (two bottom ventricles in his heart have a small hole) and he isn’t top of the fucking list!
sorry she just makes me angry.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Meanwhile, BB is wondering if it's possible to slip a bottle of Night Nurse into a mug of kombucha

 

[Ladderedtights]

Oh those bloody Jackolytes! I just imagine them clasping their pearls to their chest. She’s not been careful!

“My god Rose, are you alright? I heard you gasping from the conservatory!”
“Oh Rupert! That lesbian tattooed non binary ex vegan cat owning single Mum chef has Covid. I’m so worried about her. She does...so much good, you understand? So much for The People.”

 

[Peeky_Mink]

View attachment 351217
ETA - All cookie cutter/Satanist replies deleted.

#Thread title: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm really very ill.

 

[Alansbigplate]

I wish someone would actually ask Jack what her covid symptoms are - she is being uncharacteristically vague. Remember how much detail we got when she had a splinter?

Can’t imagine a weighted blanket would be recommended if you had a temperature or couldn’t breathe easily

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Pie jesu. More. View attachment 351079

Rossi’s, nice to see you’re here in real time with us x and I know I offered beans on toast but not got any pittas in sorry x

 

[NP]

Why is she re-working recipes she’s only just had published? I doubt the Daily Express own exclusive rights to a bunch of generic Christmas recipes. Is she admitting already they were shit and needed re-doing?

Pigs in blankets are so good because they’re tiny little addictive morsels. Nobody wants full-size sausages. Not everything needs changing. Also take the string off the chicken Jack.

 

[colouredlines]

View attachment 350894View attachment 350895

Exhibit A: "I've not moved from my duvet since (last night)"

Exhibit B: "windows open, heating off, starkers..."

 

[MooBelle]

Surely you mean...Stollen

 

[Veronicaaa]

What I don't understand* is why on earth she would 'debut' this new reworked Christmas menu on twitter, rather than doing the work involved in getting it on her website and *then* unveiling it with a link to each recipe. She's so thick.

*I do really - it's because all that matters to Jack is the constant ping of new twitter notifications from her sycophants and psychopaths

 

[blurstoftimes]

absolutely gutted that this chaos is too late for a nomination in The Sloppies - but perfectly fitting that Jack won't be able to attend due to faking corona

 

[kachoochoo]

so she's had a positive test. which was inevitable quite frankly, given all the non-isolation and BB's positive test.

I hope she feels better soon. I genuinely think that it's nothing to lie about.

I do question how severe it is though, given her ability to tweet and her absolute need to be admired.

BUT, she's pissed me off no end with this. I've had to go into work throughout ~everything~ and I'm terrified the whole time. don't want to jinx it, but I have managed to avoid it so far. yet she's been all over the place and is now fishing for all of the sympathy for something that could have been avoided!

 

[crystaleyesd]

Gah I am desperate to see the academic email! Was it sent to many people? Has there been more feedback since it was sent??

Yes, someone else has piped up saying that Jack's piece was very powerful