Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[Lanie]

I've never seen roast vegetables look so greasy before A cook, Jack is not.

I think she should be called a food assassin because she is good at destroying food

 

[Lemonsweets91]

Dear Ninnies,

View attachment 350530

Love, Jack xoxo

Never been so unwell? I guess that means she must be dead?

 

[lilamay]

She only has one argument which she uses in every situation and boils down to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Exactly. That's why I edited 'different' to 'lengthier'

 

[MooBelle]

...wildly off topic I know (apologies), but just spotted this & thought you black-hearted ninnies might appreciate it
View attachment 351502

Just spat my tea out. It came out of my nose too...

 

[NP]

Louisa’s tweet is still there @BeautifulTrauma. I searched her name plus “positive result” and it came up. It’s in a reply to someone else.

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

View attachment 350963

Cue the upcoming photoshopped pics of Jack.

Thread title:

the rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated - by me, for likes

So many good thread suggestions coming through.

 

[Boyo]

View attachment 351260

Just wait for the Commotion. Eye thang kew, eye thang kew. I’m here all week. Try the peppered slop.
*quietly picks up coat and leaves*

 

[Lanie]

Is pearl barley soup Irish?! I never knew that and I am from there, we called it veg soup in our house. Also fried bread ( does she mean the English loaf version) or that lovely fried soda and potato bread from Ireland. There is no comparison so it's either one or the other.

I personally don't think loaf bread fries well( or else I have always done it wrong)

Also it's not just pearl barley it's actually made with veg soup mix. I know this because my mum made it all the time and we always had a bad in the cupboard.

 

[FrumpyCat]

I have a friend who doesn't 'do' Christmas. No particular reason, she just never has.
Her kids all go to their inlaws and she sits and watches telly with a pizza delivery. She loves it.
My youngest mini moo was jealous when i said this is what my friend did for Christmas and asked if we could get pizza too.
I'm thinking that if anyone got served the above for Christmas, they too would be dialling up for a Domino's....

We have been doing this for the last three christmases.
It is awesome. No cooking, minimal washing up , tastes delicious. And breakfast for boxing day.

 

[TriviaNewtonJohn]

WTAF is brown lemonade??

Sounds unappetising but apparently a thing:
Brown Lemonade is a brown coloured lemonade flavoured fizzy soft drink sold in Northern Ireland. It is made by companies such as Cantrell & Cochrane (C&C) and by Maine. (I didn't bold the random words!)

 

[maytoseptember]

While the temp she showed is a fever, she was using an ear thermometer. Normal temp with one of those is 38 rather than closer to 36-37 so take a degree or so off for that.

I’ve had an ear thermometer for nine years and my local GP surgery uses them too. A reading of 38 would never be dismissed as a normal temp. If anything, I think they tend to under-measure your real temp because it’s so bloody hard to get the probe properly inside the ear!

 

[Lanie]

Hahaha to the mute comment. She would melt down quicker than an ice cream in a volcano.

It must be so nice getting someone to come stay with you only to spend all of your time tweeting your life away. I know she is isolating but if L already has it too then she doesn't need to. It's only the kid that needs isolated in that case. Just shut up womam rest and fluids is what you need to attention.

 

[Puddy Muddle]

Think it's more like Test & Tweet with our Jackie

Eta - do people still use the word tweet or am I just horribly out of date? I'm not a twitterer

We certainly do. (I am on twitter of necessity, due to work. Making me a tweep.)

 

[Pixieboots]

The joke implies that her relatives can't possibly be British, as you can't deport British people. I have no clue about Priti Patel's family situation, but I suspect, like her, they are British.

It's def BNP playbook to suggest that anyone who doesn't look like Hugh Grant or Lily Cole can't be British.

Right, because she keeps reinforcing this mindset herself. That's the point.

 

[Candytuft]

I thought Brenda's sausages were frozen spring rolls

Not browned, just boiled

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

That meal is just awful.
Dry but greasy.
Overcooked but raw.
Anemic but brown.
Full sized sausages in cheap bacon, dry as sticks, but full of fat.
She said the potatoes are cooked for 2 hours at 180 after par boiling. They are still beige.
Carrots and parsnips cooked in mandarin juice, far too sweet. And I wouldn't call that roasting.
Why not steam carrots to keep in the flavour,colour and vitamins?
The gravy has fermentation bubbles on the surface.
The pudding is just..............
There are supposed to be prawns not maggots in the prawn cocktail.
The Marie Rose sauce is beige.
The vegie option is the contents of the little recycling bin mashed up with tinned mandarins.

How the hell does a person that has produced 6 cook books, appeared on TV as a guest cook, makes a living from producing recipes, and is lauded by celebrity TV chefs, make such a God awful mess of a simple roast chicken dinner?

I would suggest that she has friends in high places but maybe she is calling in favours in return for not forcing these media connections to sample her slop. Slop around the clock on Christmas day leads to plop around the clock and nobody wants to subject themselves to that

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

@BeautifulTrauma rated any plates lately?

Lol no. I wouldn’t dare and I say this with complete confidence that Jack’s slop would beat Carol C.

 

[Scotty1976]

Touch wood, I haven't had CV19 (though I did have a few weeks of terrible stomach pains and a low fever for which I got antibiotics and omeprazole), but I had real flu (as opposed to a bad cold called flu) several Christmases ago. All I could do was sleep or lie exhausted in bed in between forcing myself occasionally to take the dogs out. I couldn't eat, couldn't read, couldn't string two words together. I wasn't busy making sense on social media.

Too many lies mean that I just don't believe her symptoms are that bad. Let's not forget that her last brush with the NHS was for an eye coloured by make up.

I'm sure I had it late January ,early February was totally knackered with dry throat, couldn't stop coughing and was getting hot flushes . Just took it to be possible menopausal . Parents Also felt not well after just so pissed off with people not sticking to rules ,like my neighbours going to your boyfriend's and your daughter's doing the same is just making those who stick to the rules suffer even longer

 

[FlorenceFlutterbucket]

I really, really want someone to make this gravy. I have all the ingredients (including lard, but I will explain) but I can't justify the waste of onions, cranberry sauce and chicken stock. Please will someone try it, or I might be forced to have a go myself.

I use lard for pastry making. Half lard and half butter makes a really good shortcrust pastry. Perfect texture, and taste, especially for savory pies. I have kept quiet over these past few pages, as everyone seems horrified that anyone could still be using it. Sorry (I'm not really).

ETA, My Mum used to roast potatoes in lard, and the chip pan always had lard in it. Her roasts and chips were really good, but she knew what she was doing. Alternatives were thin on the ground back in the post war 50's and 60's. Even she wouldn't use lard in a gravy or sauce.

I use lard for pastry and for my Yorkshire pudding tin. Always have. Couldn’t smother it on everything and anything though

 

[CuriousCat92]

I bet she held it against a lightbulb.

I was thinking a radiator