Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[Gazelle]

Surely this has to be a piss take ?!

Brenda is here.

 

[Blurp]

Ah the delights of mother-in-laws! A few years back we invited ours over for Boxing Day lunch (2pm, that was already a mistake, as far too late for them apparently). Anyway, traffic was bad so they phoned to say won't be there until 3, so we all waited until then, kids hungry but told to wait until granny and grandpa and uncle arrived. I'd prepared a feast all morning. They turned up and I said shall we eat straight away? They said, oh no don't worry we stopped for a sandwich at the motorway service station. I went absolutely ballistic sulked in bedroom until husband talked be around.

Personally, I would have sat down with the kids and slowly eaten it in front of them making comments all the way through on how good this was. While they sat with a single cup of cooling tea.

 

[bazzam]

Gravy made from bacon and sausage juice
Slippery, slimey, lardy, salty gravy.. No one deserves this

i can't imagine most of it was ate. the lard would have been congealing by the time it got to the table.

 

[Professor Slop]

She’s claiming a top temp of 41.5 Celsius? That’s an astronomical fever for an adult. Kids can spike really high fevers (if my kids hit 41 I’d take them straight to A&E) but extremely high temps are a lot rarer in adults IIRC.

She claims to be maintaining a temp of 40 but is happily tweeting? The last couple of times I’ve had a fever, it’s been 38 and I felt too shit to do anything other than curl up in a ball.

This is all very very suspicious.

While the temp she showed is a fever, she was using an ear thermometer. Normal temp with one of those is 38 rather than closer to 36-37 so take a degree or so off for that.

 

[Lanie]

So LC’s “positive rest, happy birthday to me” tweet was in fact, sarcastic?

I imagine her to be a very difficult patient so the sarcasm will be to soften the blow. Christmas week nursing a total whinge bag. I'm saying that I do hope she gets well soon and it's back to slugging slop in no time.

 

[Scotty1976]

My Birthday suit . I may wear a pair of fluffy socks if it is cold. I hope the dog doesn't need out for a wee .

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

This looks like Ginger the mummy who lives at the British museum (obvs probably stolen)

ETA

Spoiler: Spoiler cos mummys give me anxiety x

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Ginger scared the crap out of me when I was 8. It was having red hair that did it, as it made him 'like me' instead of a dead Egyptian.

 

[Tittykitty]

I missed this from the end of the last thread - what’s got a Tupperware full of onion peelings for? It gets crushed down ... for what?

Tomorrow’s dinner probably

 

[FrumpyCat]

Many pages behind, but surely this is rice pudding? After Southend constabulary have cracked our case of the century they’re gonna have to look for the missing person in this dish - where the fuck are the prawns?!

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Looool someone beat me to it! X

That honestly looks like Cooper has been sick in the glass.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Ginger scared the crap out of me when I was 8. It was having red hair that did it, as it made him 'like me' instead of a dead Egyptian.

He’s my first memory of anxiety, we were made to draw him on a school trip (in primary school!) which is really quite bad tbh. There’s also not much to draw he’s shrivelled up?

 

[Vroo]

Def would not wish corona on anyone

Armpit?

Lightbulb? seriously tho do not wish Covid on anyone and hope all in the (shitty) bungalow get well soon

 

[Captainmouse]

The sawdust vegan doorstop
The carrots that are simultaneously raw and burnt
The brain and oil custard
The aunt bessie yorkies
The dishwater gravy
THE STARTER
The fact that everything has mandarin in it

Aren’t you glad you’re a peach?

 

[jenny2603]

Oh no no no. I am kind of caught up I suppose (actual job means actually busy). There are many many things to say about that Christmas dinner but I am just so sad about that prawn cocktail. Not to do a Mars bar style personal essay but I'm vegan and really miss seafood and prawn cocktail is delicious nostalgia (made of unethical tortured crustaceans and poor indentured cows and migrant workers on tomato farms, but shhh), but she just made it more unappetising than the ethics.

Only veggie rather than vegan but I will marry/shag/worship/whatever they want the person who comes up a decent faux prawn cocktail. There's not really much other meat I miss but that does cause me to have impure thoughts.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

The annoying part is, if she was more well-known her Covid story would be dissected and revealed to be the big crock pot of steaming slop we all know it is, but she isn't and nobody cares. For her to really get caught out being the fantasist she is, she'd have to somewhat make it in the 'celeb' world first. Not sure what would be worse, her being an actual celeb for a while, or never getting called out on all the shite

 

[BashmentLady]

Chicken. Free range. Edinburgh.

Fixed it.

 

[Harrybosch]

I'd have made that joke about Teresa May when she was Home Secretary - or David Blunkett.

Hadn't read this before my last comment where I said that the joke wouldn't be made about Theresa May
Maybe as a German I need to keep my nose out of British jokes.

 

[Readingismyhobby]

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When I’m I’ll I don’t want to eat anything!
Yet more lies. She must think her followers are completely stupid.

 

[Terrible]

So I went to bed but I have insomnia, I get up and she’s been tweeting shite to numpties the whole time?

Same, babe, same - sucks doesn’t it?

 

[BustardFluggers]

Jack’s lake of lipids gravy

 

[Cookiecookie]

That cake! Those hands! Why?