Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[Walkdengirl]

Should have left SB with his Dad. That way, we'll be spared the soon to come tale of the kid having to monitor her breathing. Did she go out last Wednesday/Thursday/Friday, by any chance?

Needs to take some paracetamol and ibuprofen to get the temperature down, have something like full sugar lemonade, sleep on your front/side facing down a bit & hugging a pillow (as the middle of the night sinus emptying that drops what feels like a cup of water down your throat is horrible).

Still, isolation ends Wednesday next.

Has she dipped that in her mug of tea

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Those adenoids must be on triple time tonight. I feel sorry for them.

They've probably moved out to live with the Brambly Hedge Mice by now.

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

Is anyone willing to take the risk ...make this and report back ??
I’m predicting bitter onion with a background of stomach churning fat
And how the fuck does it thicken??

If only I had baking spread and lard...

 

[maytoseptember]

I know hosting is a lot of work, but I will never understand why people insist on hosting when they have no interest in feeding and looking after people. Just don't offer.

Yes! My husband’s aunt and cousin are like this. They offer to host (because they can’t be arsed to travel) but they clearly hate having to feed people. They’re tight with their money despite being extremely financially comfortable - but that’s how they manage to have so much in the first place.

Before we’re due a visit, we usually get an email lowering our expectations of the food (“we’ll be having bread, ham/cheese and salad... hope that’s OK” - of course it’s OK, why do you have to make sure we’re aware of it in advance though?) and there’s never an offer of a glass of wine, despite the bottles piled up in the dining room (gifts that never get touched because auntie doesn’t drink). It’s so weird!

I’d always much rather my MIL hosts, because she Ioves to feed people and never sends out emails making sure we’re not expecting a hot lunch

 

[Narc ahoy]

Jack's pigs in blankets look very rude

 

[ThriftStoreLeCreuset]

You could carve prawn shapes out of the tofu though

I mean, you could...

 

[MooBelle]

My favorite Father Ted clip. It'll never be the same

Ditto. Myself and Mr Moo regularly quote this at each other. This and 'help me I'm poor' from Bridesmaids, which I believe @Alansbigplate already 'Jacked up' (also a running joke between me and my boss, because she also hates Jack)

 

[Scarletfever]

I thought Jack got tested at the same time as BB? Just odd that she hasn't got a result yet, but then again it is all so vague.

Just saw this tweet and thought of JM.

 

[Harrybosch]

This was the aspect I found offensive but you phrased it better than I could have.
I have now read a bit about her and I agree. No matter how despicable her own actions and politics are she is being reminded by white Brits that her family, due to their ethnic background and looks to go with it, must qualify for deportation. I argue that if she, in your words, looked like eg. Lily Cole the suggestion to deport her own family might not have been made. On a very personal level I generally react very badly to deportation 'jokes', no matter who makes them.

A very clear example is that the joke would have never been made about Theresa May. And the only difference between her and Priti is the colour of their skin. Both horrible people through and through.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I think the yellow is from plastering it with English Mustard when cold to cover the crappiest bits.

It hasn't worked to make it look edible - it's more like the wrinkly chickens in bags from Asda's rotisserie (note: Do NOT eat those. An ex worked on repairing the equipment/removing any stray 'things' that get stuck inside. Just DON'T do it). And even if it were just cold for photography purposes, plastering it with yellow Polyfilla Colman's like that would make it inedible from the heat.

 

[ThriftStoreLeCreuset]

Oh no no no. I am kind of caught up I suppose (actual job means actually busy). There are many many things to say about that Christmas dinner but I am just so sad about that prawn cocktail. Not to do a Mars bar style personal essay but I'm vegan and really miss seafood and prawn cocktail is delicious nostalgia (made of unethical tortured crustaceans and poor indentured cows and migrant workers on tomato farms, but shhh), but she just made it more unappetising than the ethics.

 

[Puddy Muddle]

View attachment 350608

Does she not realise she has control over this herself? Also, I know she thinks she's joking but seriously, just BE AN ADULT NOW.

Is it time for the Sloppies yet?

 

[Walkdengirl]

I’m poor and unhealthy yeahhhh

That was going through my mind too!

Have I missed the gravy again?

Please show me the gravy!!!!!

 

[Pixieboots]

So I went to bed but I have insomnia, I get up and she’s been tweeting shite to numpties the whole time?
And now she’s reprising her “all Torres are fair game” persona.
I’m all for having a satirical pop at at Tory but not if I have to join in with the NF/BNP to get it.

Can someone pls confirm for wee lil foreigner and Twitter stranger Scamsandwich: is she laughing about a deportation comment someone made after Priti P. said she won't see her family due to restrictions?

The joke is that PP probably had her own family deported because, in spite of her ethnic background, she's a total arsehole about immigrants. YMMV on whether it's funny or not but it's not a BNP type joke!

 

[Jumpstart]

Has she announced the result of the Covid test yet? Because I imagine if it’s positive she would be shouting it from the rooftops

 

[bazzam]

@MancBee
The house smells like the funeral home where I saw my Dad before we screwed the lid on the box.
He WAS dead, we didn't just bury him for shits and giggles.
The dog left the kitchen and he sticks to me like a conjoined twin when I'm cooking
It tastes very salty, slightly sweet but surprisingly un-oniony.
Like herbs in hot water with half a tsp of sugar.
It leaves a greasy residue on your lips, like being kissed by someone wearing chapstick.
It needs some cornflour to thicken it but that will do nothing to improve the flavour.
Ten out of Ten will never do it again.

That has just confirmed many christmas dinners will be ruined this year thanks to JM.

 

[CuriousCat92]

Christ on a bendy bus, that’s over and above. I salute you. I can smell it from here.

imagine pouring it on a roast. I actually find it upsetting that she is encouraging people to do this.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

She’s certainly exaggerating her temperature, I would say. 40.5 is extremely high.

That's a hospital trip..

 

[Imainlylurk]

I don't wish her ill health but I remain sceptical and posting a pic of her temp is absolutely pathetic

Sounds like Louisa is the nurse then. And possibly the target of Jack's fury too....

I really can't stand the way she talks about her. Ugh.

 

[Smeghead]

what if she does a chaos at the same time?! wouldn't that be amazing!

Would be almost like The Sloppies after party