Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[HarderFaster]

All right, not wanting to anyone (or myself) but SOMEBODY just sent an amazing email to an academic mailing list I'm part of completely destroying Jack because another email suggested 'the artist formally known as potatoes' as essential reading for understanding food poverty. Really sorry I can't screenshot but it was brutal and brilliant and I am HERE for it. That person MUST be a Tattler.

They're very welcome to DM me (if they're comfortable) cos I am absolutely dying to know who it is

Lol I am part of the very same mailing list and just punched the air and cackled with glee x

 

[BobRob]

Neurotic about staying safe?? She travelled the length of the country by public transport a few months back!

I don't wish her ill health but I remain sceptical and posting a pic of her temp is absolutely pathetic

Sounds like Louisa is the nurse then. And possibly the target of Jack's fury too....

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Didn’t she tweet that she was under a weighted blanket yesterday and today she’s so hot she’s naked with all windows open?!

Sure Jan gif.

It’s all a lie, I would bet my life on it. And I can see how people are sucked in even on here because we are conditioned to believe people when they are poorly and take it at face value - however Jack isn’t a normal person. She’s a narcissistic attention seeker who just looks for the next social media high she can get. What can get better for her after a day of likes for her recipes? Ah yes, the martyr role, gravely ill and soldiering on for her squiggles to get recipes out. She’s like an addict, where you are constantly chasing a bigger and bigger hit and high, and this right now with a fake illness is the only way she can get it.

Ps. Hi Jack! Post your test result and when you had it and I’ll believe you! As I don’t for a second believe you caught it on Monday, as you didn’t isolate till Tuesday because of your son. Which means you must have had a test late Tuesday/Wednesday so Thursday is in the realms of possibility but unlikely for test results - and the symptoms being so dramatic just doesn’t add up.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Dear Ninnies,

Love, Jack xoxo

 

[Lisbon]

I've only augmented the chicken a wee bit...the eyes and mouth were already there, screaming into the void of lardy gravy. Gravy made with potato boiling water which apparently keeps itself hot for the 90 mins/two hours in which it takes to roast the spuds..

 

[HarderFaster]

Working class you hear me? WORKING CLASS

The ice cream was CHEAP because she only had TWO PARENTS working in DECENT PROFESSIONAL ROLES with FOSTERING ALLOWANCES.

She’s absolutely unhinged.

 

[NomDeGuerre]

‘Kinell, Jack. Please stop. View attachment 351025

Jesus wept, it's like Kes: The Musical on her timeline tonight.

"'Eee, when I were a girl, it were all mushy peas and lots of vinegar, pasties with baked beans, charcoal on toast".

 

[HotesTilaire]

quoting myself like a twat just to give apologies for my awful typo! feelings = peelings!

also, please, no one needs to make that gravy. it's fucking gross

You attached to feelings
Now they just peelings
Why peeling the feeling?
I cry
Why

 

[hydeist]

WILL IT EVER STOP

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

FUCK OFFFFFFFFF IS ANYONE TWEETING WITH A 40 DEGREE FEVER

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP BEING SUCH A POINTLESS LYING TWATBAG

Ahem, sorry, came straight here so sure I'm merely echoing the past 300 posts.

God.

 

[MancBee]

That meal is just awful.
Dry but greasy.
Overcooked but raw.
Anemic but brown.
Full sized sausages in cheap bacon, dry as sticks, but full of fat.
She said the potatoes are cooked for 2 hours at 180 after par boiling. They are still beige.
Carrots and parsnips cooked in mandarin juice, far too sweet. And I wouldn't call that roasting.
Why not steam carrots to keep in the flavour,colour and vitamins?
The gravy has fermentation bubbles on the surface.
The pudding is just..............
There are supposed to be prawns not maggots in the prawn cocktail.
The Marie Rose sauce is beige.
The vegie option is the contents of the little recycling bin mashed up with tinned mandarins.

How the hell does a person that has produced 6 cook books, appeared on TV as a guest cook, makes a living from producing recipes, and is lauded by celebrity TV chefs, make such a God awful mess of a simple roast chicken dinner?

 

[Alansbigplate]

Dry but greasy
Overcooked but raw.
Anemic but brown.

I’m poor and unhealthy yeahhhh

 

[MancBee]

What's everyone wearing to the Sloppies? I'll have my leopard print clutch (handy for putting things in) and guess it will have to be my Viv! It's what she would have wanted!

I'll be in double denim, it's what Jack would have wanted.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Don’t be scared. Jack wants you to be her friend forever. And ever. And ever.

View attachment 349213

I hope this isn’t louisa’s birthday cake

 

[Switchstreetz]

This poor squiggle obviously never come across JM....

30 tweets in a day?!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I am totally in love with Slopbot sponsored by Mel Donte!

Slopbot's a brand whore just like the rest of them. It's partially my fault for programming him to run on pure butter, he got accustomed to living the high life. Have I mentioned that we can all now enjoy the delicious taste of Mel Donte® Sitrus Calad, available at all major supermarkets?

Looking at that drain trap gravy I've never been more glad to be vegan. Of course it tastes oniony, you put two onions in it you bloody pillock. God forbid you actually cook the onions down first to make them sweet and caramelised though. They even go soft which is normally her favourite state for a food item to be. Good luck drawing straws for who gets to replicate this abomination, frauen.

 

[Smeghead]

List Jack. My mortal enemy. View attachment 350976View attachment 350977

Yesterday she’d been keeping everyone fed and watered. Today she hasn’t eaten for so long she’s deliriously listing food like she’s in Shipwrecked

 

[HarderFaster]

Sorry to be a Jack apologist (again) but there was a very brief period in the 90s when they brought Lucky Charms out in the UK. They weren’t cheap but it wasn’t like, £8 a box like you see in American Candy shops etc.

I know this because I pestered my mum to buy some for about three solid months after the tv adverts (I even still remember the song) and when she finally relented they were absolutely mingin and I didn’t eat more than half a bowl. She was FEWMIN.

I’m a year older than Jack so it’s probably stuck in the minds of 5-7 year olds who were slightly fixated on Americana.

Regardless, she’s still middle class and still a cunt.

 

[Emmapism]

Jack hanging out of the window of the bungalow

'you there, boy! Fetch me your smallest most jaundiced chicken! Hurry now, the gravy is curdling!'

 

[Walkdengirl]

Now I did warn you before about this gravy of nightmares, but here you are:
View attachment 349480
View attachment 349481

I think I may vom. Why is she not using the lovely fat from the turkey? Heat in a pan until bubbling, stir in flour and cook till it looks sandy and so you cook the flour out. Slowly add hot stock (and veg water if you fancy) mixing well so it doesn't go lumpy. Let it simmer gently and I add the juices that have come out of the meat. I add a drop of gravy browning just to make it a nice appetising colour. (I actually use a cast iron casserole dish to cook my turkey or joint in, that way you get all the amazing juices and flavour from the bottom of the pan. Why is she obsessed with blending stuff? Why not make a proper roux?

I'm a pretty good at making gravy (hell, I am northern after all), but my mum made the best gravy ever. After she died (very unexpectedly) and we were stood outside the hospital shell shocked, one of the grandchildren started to sob because he'd never have the joy of one of her roast dinners, and her gravy. It's not the big things that get to you is it?