Jack Monroe #116 Burger and lies

[Alansbigplate]

Looks like shes trying to send an SOS with her eyes

Like a proof of life photo

It's like a girl band line up. I mean they're all Scary Jack, even lil Baby Jack, because they all reflect such an inability to know who she really is.

I know you all loved this one

 

[Ladderedtights]

THE FOUR JACKS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Mom-ish one will bite the heads off your dinosaur biscuits and take photos of you in your pants. She’ll take last minute trains to Scotland.

Butch Girls Unite will smother you with overcooked lentils and reconstructed sausages whilst complaining about a mysterious For Sale sign you can’t see.

Student Jack will giggle nervously and show you a never ending stash of receipts and ask you to total them up. They’ve all been dipped in Mayo and you can’t wash your hands.

Rat-Tail Crop Top Jack will trap you in a hotel room for various workouts and kettle pasta. She hands you a kitten costume and asks you to put it on as she takes photos with her tongue.

It's so freaky to me that these are all within the same year! It's like a conference of jacks from alternate realities.

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Like a proof of life photo


I know you all loved this one

Posh Spice is the best, the sassy face

 

[Peachy9]

Posh Spice is the best, the sassy face

It's Mel c (top right) for me like she's just caught whiff of one of Jackie's stinking lies again

 

[kachoochoo]

Like a proof of life photo


I know you all loved this one

ah, yes, the one where i thought you'd turned Victoria/Jamie into daft limmy!

simpler times!

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

She should have moved on from poverty food to say family cooking or single parent cooking (I’ve not seen anyone do that).
but like someone said, she doesn’t like food. There’s no joy, she just thinks it clever to mix random things together.
I also don’t see genuine cheap cooking. There’s no food planning, the £20 shop is useless and harmful.
I love Nigel writing about food and watching him eat, his genuine love is infectious.

 

[squiffle]

Absolutely. The origin story apart from being part- fantasy has been getting tired for years. Whole swathes of it no longer make sense and the events described continually change order. She can't reasonably expect to be droning on in twenty years about her origin story and still have an audience. She really urgently needs to address the complete lack of quality in what she offers. A good basic cookery course would be a start, she doesn't need to qualify as anything but just get some discipline and a bleeping clue what to do with food. Someone willing to be honest with her might be a good thing, though I don't imagine they'll be many folk up for that job. If she were to make budget cooking her niche once she's learned to cook there are loads of books she could do on that theme. If she wants to do telly, there's YouTube to build up some presenting skills on, she can't credibly claim to be afraid of being filmed but demand spots on TV. Knowing what I know now I could never, ever like or respect her but I could at least respect the work she put in and just ignore her. It's her squandering of every opportunity she's ever been given, her sense of entitlement and lying that send me wild.

Totally agree with this and ScamSandwich.
One of the (many) issues is that Jack won’t have training or coaching because she doesn’t feel she needs it. She thinks she’s great at this stuff and the reason she doesn’t get the gigs is because she’s too much of a rough diamond (or whatever it was she said). Not because she’s simply not good enough. Everything is everyone else’s fault and it’s not fair (That Man for example).

That’s not to say she never would be good enough: that’s what coaching and courses are all about. A decent coach would give her some home truths and either get her to where she needed to be or give her the tools to go and do something else.

 

[Oofadoofa]

It's so freaky to me that these are all within the same year! It's like a conference of jacks from alternate realities.

They all share one thing - the smiles and facial expressions don't look genuine, they look forced. It doesn't matter what is happening around the edges, whether it be make-up or hair or even in the touched up photos, it all just serves to frame her one feature that is authentic and fixed - her cold, dead eyes.

 

[emmer_moans]

Have just seen a clip of Nigela saying "meekrowahhhvay" instead of "microwave" and now I wonder if Jack will copy "Mom" and pronounce things in a similar fashion.

P.s. I keep getting adverts on this thread for onesies with a bottom flap...what the?!

 

[ScamSandwich]

Absolutely. The origin story apart from being part- fantasy has been getting tired for years. Whole swathes of it no longer make sense and the events described continually change order. She can't reasonably expect to be droning on in twenty years about her origin story and still have an audience. She really urgently needs to address the complete lack of quality in what she offers. A good basic cookery course would be a start, she doesn't need to qualify as anything but just get some discipline and a bleeping clue what to do with food. Someone willing to be honest with her might be a good thing, though I don't imagine they'll be many folk up for that job. If she were to make budget cooking her niche once she's learned to cook there are loads of books she could do on that theme. If she wants to do telly, there's YouTube to build up some presenting skills on, she can't credibly claim to be afraid of being filmed but demand spots on TV. Knowing what I know now I could never, ever like or respect her but I could at least respect the work she put in and just ignore her. It's her squandering of every opportunity she's ever been given, her sense of entitlement and lying that send me wild.

Completely agree, it does not have to be Cordon Bleu school or whatever but a nutrition course would not do her and other internet gurus who preach about food harm either. There is so much damage being done, I am not solely referring to JM. Those raw vegans basically eating or pretending to eat a diet loaded with fruit sugar or eating too little and then have their hair falling out, if the latter is not a lie. But as @NoseyParkour pointed out-her actual relationship with food is a disturbed one, so no course will ever fix it.
I have to agree that she really did have things thrown at her. I mean, who survives that long in any showbiz environment, always being given more chances while constantly spoiling it. Normally you disappear if you don't deliver but she was very lucky. And you are right, she could practice in her bloody shed doing Youtube clips if you are not a complete natural talent. Why does she not make that most obvious choice??
The chances that I would survive in the TV world are very low, not that I have been given the chance but I don't sit around thinking I am entitled to and suited for a TV career. JM always seems to be lacking something that she thinks she deserves while never acknowledging what she has got.

 

[Pocahontas]

I love Nigel writing about food and watching him eat, his genuine love is infectious.

I think that’s it though, isn’t it. Nige, Nigella, Jamie, Nadiya, etc., etc., - they all show you themselves tasting their own food - they take a big bite and they go, ‘Mmm’ and shut their eyes in pleasure. And it makes you want to taste their food cos they’re loving it so much / their enjoyment is vicarious.

Jack never shows herself taking a bite, she never shows a half-eaten bowl - just a staged photo of ... frankly bizarre-looking and unappetising food. And then says she ate it fast, then had a second and third helping and she also ate it from the pan while cooking. But she only says it, never shows it.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Only four threads today! Is this the end, dear hearts? Is this an unprecedented occurrence within the Jack-Tattle symbiotic relationship? No chaos today....Don’t make me howl and crawl on the floor like a banshee, begging the moon to make her do a chaos. Was looking forward to a right juicy grunk this evening

 

[Pocahontas]

Only four threads today! Is this the end, dear hearts? Is this an unprecedented occurrence within the Jack-Tattle symbiotic relationship? No chaos today....Don’t make me howl and crawl on the floor like a banshee, begging the moon to make her do a chaos. Was looking forward to a right juicy grunk this evening

Four threads?!
PS - I don’t wish too hard for chaos ... But I suppose when it’s Jack quiet we always get some kind of in-thread drama ... it’s quite nice to have a slower pace at times and not have either. Plus Silver is having a nice bubble bath right now and resting her thumbs

 

[Emmapism]

We get onto some interesting topics when Jack is quiet and I agree with Pocah, it's nice to have a rest from her

 

[kachoochoo]

ah, she's probably just having a big dinosaur nap after a few busy days.

there'll be something simmering in the bungalow of dreams before too long

 

[CuriousCat92]

Have just seen a clip of Nigela saying "meekrowahhhvay" instead of "microwave" and now I wonder if Jack will copy "Mom" and pronounce things in a similar fashion.

P.s. I keep getting adverts on this thread for onesies with a bottom flap...what the?!

Me too with the adverts for onesies. They are disturbing.

 

[Silver Linings]

Who issued the Jack signal in the skies of Gotham?

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Four threads?!
PS - I don’t wish too hard for chaos ... But I suppose when it’s Jack quiet we always get some kind of in-thread drama ... it’s quite nice to have a slower pace at times and not have either. Plus Silver is having a nice bubble bath right now and resting her thumbs

It gives the Grunka-ing fraus a chance to catch up!

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

And while I am neither a psychologist or job coach, I think she should get some training of some sort. She did find a niche when she was very young and had a story (her own story) to tell but this is not sustainable and she is constantly overtaken by people who trained to be a chef or who have a USP like Nigella. I actually pitied her a bit when she said to MR that he had achieved something in a day that others have been campaigning for years...only that she is not a real campaigner and she took money from poor people via the tip jar donation, so already feeling less sorry. But she can't always post this potatoes story for much longer and the tip jar rattling is under close surveillance now...I also think that a lot of the drama she does is not the result of her diagnosed or self-diagnosed possible disabilities but it stems from low self-esteem. If she gets some formal training in whatever subject, she could introduce order and self-esteem and would maybe stop the horrific Twitter show. She would gain respect from others, too. If she were up for some campaigning against poverty, nobody would stop her. But she is blaming the bad bad gossip forum and the occasional professional getting in her niche. Sorry, bit off-topic.

JM has never campaigned about anything unless she benefitted herself - either financially or from attention.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Four threads?!
PS - I don’t wish too hard for chaos ... But I suppose when it’s Jack quiet we always get some kind of in-thread drama ... it’s quite nice to have a slower pace at times and not have either. Plus Silver is having a nice bubble bath right now and resting her thumbs

Ah you know what I mean, four thingies, pages, whatsits she’s sent me all off kilter with her lack of chaos. Silver is probably relaxing in a flotation tank, listening to pan pipes! At this rate I’ll have to see what FOD is up to.