honestly, "keep warm by wearing clothes" has got to be the best advice since "you can use a bag to put things in"
Jack Monroe #113 I beg your pardon, she’s got a hammock in her rented garden
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"It's a chilly morning this morning." Ladies and gentlemen, this person is paid to write.
So she answers the door to the postman? I thought that made her curl up in a ball of anxiety, wailing and gnashing her teeth etc.
Popping up from what seemed a continuous grunk to say how bloody brilliantly funny you’ve all been with the Sloppies awards and that Slopbot is the work of a truly maverick mind!! Thank you @traumatised sideboard!!!
I’m also getting these ads a lot, anyone else?Vlad obviously approves of denim and Deirdre specs
I’m also getting these ads a lot, anyone else?Vlad obviously approves of denim and Deirdre specs
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So not only is he grieving, he's got to eat her nastiness.. Poor bastard.
Camisole (I've never worn one).
I've had to google that! Haha!
Now I know!
It's the thing Mrs TUIT loses her tit about if I put it in the tumble drier!
(I know. Dreadfully terrible kitchen appliance but I live in Ireland and there are 9 months of the year it rains so no line drying here!)
Someone shrunk her sox? Well I doubt Sb is laundry master, so that leaves mackie and....... is she throwing shade at BB again?
she probably put them in the tumble dryer too hot too long
Poor BB gets the blame for everything, doesn't she? Socks shrunk, garden hose eaten by a fox, and more...
Stick around for another 20 years and you'll get MENOPAUSAL JACK! This just dawned on me mid hot flush.
I went for a walk at 3 am and it was a chilly morning this morning, so I determinedly tugged on warm socks. I also wore more than one piece of clothing. I layered clothing, in a sense, to cover my body and keep the chill from reaching me. During the walk, I listened to my body and realized I was getting cold and tired, so I went home to my heated apartment. I used blankets to warm up and had breakfast porridge for breakfast. A neighbour knocked on my door and I answered in my undies after howling and throwing myself on the floor. He told me that he could smell my breakfast porridge cooking and said it was the best and most heartiest and rough-hewn breakfast porridge he had ever smelled at breakfast time. He took a ginger sniff and I realized he was not wearing a mask. I kicked him hard in the shins. As I walked back to the stove I tripped over my own foot and smashed my head into the kitchen counter. Immediate black eye and bruised face. I gazed at my shiny face in the mirror and thought, “If I close the bathroom door and start a fan heater in here, I can create a small heated work space.” And this is the story of how my bathroom office began. Please send doggos and sympathy and duck OFF x
(Not mocking RA or disability — I’m mocking the bizarre and redundant fantasy/reality writing)
(I really did go for a walk. I wore a winter coat because it winter. I tend to wear my winter coat at the first sign of winter. I’m doing it again...)
(Not mocking RA or disability — I’m mocking the bizarre and redundant fantasy/reality writing)
(I really did go for a walk. I wore a winter coat because it winter. I tend to wear my winter coat at the first sign of winter. I’m doing it again...)
Just seen That Man advertising Bamix stick blenders. Getting all up in JMs niche again, surely he knows by now that tins and blenders are her thing?
Please, keep tweeting into the ether, Jack. I’d never have navigated winter without your maverick tips 🥱
Total distraction
Are her staying warm tips from the same vein as her tips for having a freezer?
As someone mentioned previously - THE PRIVILEGE! It’s showing Jack, tuck it in.
As someone mentioned previously - THE PRIVILEGE! It’s showing Jack, tuck it in.
The tip about DIY heat pads? a fire/burn risk when microwaved dry... I found out the hard way. Anyhoooo. Back to lurkdom i go.
From now on I am only ever going to refer to porridge as 'Rough-Hewn'..
'Do you want some porridge?'
"Is it rough-hewn?"
'No'
"Then get ta duck!"
I have been taking a bit of a break.......no need to explain, you've all have been there. I have been dipping in and out, it is good to know there are people out there that can make me laugh, even when things get a bit wobbly.
I just had to say that I really thought that Slopbot was an actual robot by Jack's friend the creator of Small Robots. I thought he was being a bit cheeky with his friend and might incur the wrath of Jack when she read it! Then the penny dropped!
Since realising that it was created by the marvelous @traumatised sideboard I have spent far too long hitting that new slop button.
. My favourite so far is this one, I especially liked the "rinsed hoop", made me laugh up a lung.
"My latest creation is blueberry, rinsed hoop and red onion porridge. I inhaled it disgracefully in the communal skip and Edwina Currie declared it the best ever."
Keep up the good work you lovely Fraus. Meanwhile I shall take Jack's advice on keeping warm by wearing clothes and using a heater, I never would have thought of that without her insightful knowledge.
I just had to say that I really thought that Slopbot was an actual robot by Jack's friend the creator of Small Robots. I thought he was being a bit cheeky with his friend and might incur the wrath of Jack when she read it! Then the penny dropped!
Since realising that it was created by the marvelous @traumatised sideboard I have spent far too long hitting that new slop button.
. My favourite so far is this one, I especially liked the "rinsed hoop", made me laugh up a lung."My latest creation is blueberry, rinsed hoop and red onion porridge. I inhaled it disgracefully in the communal skip and Edwina Currie declared it the best ever."
Keep up the good work you lovely Fraus. Meanwhile I shall take Jack's advice on keeping warm by wearing clothes and using a heater, I never would have thought of that without her insightful knowledge.
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