Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

[jenny2603]

Sentient Squiggles, they’re learning! Nature is healing, we are the virus

No doubt by tomorrow we'll be back to lovely old grannies selling their dentures to buy butter for poor ickle Jack and her catalogue of ouchies.

 

[Blurp]

Could be life saving surgery on the splinter.

Still unconscious from the general anaesthetic required to remove the biggliest splinter ever in grubby finger.

 

[lilamay]

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Nice to see some separate elements on the plate, and tbf this recipe seems OK, but god the photo's awfully pixelated. She's credited it to a photographer called Susan Bell, whose other photography looks great quality, so one can only assume it's Jack's doing. I reckon that while adding on the text, she saved it as a much lower quality file. The photographer must have cringed when she saw it.

How she overlooks something so important is beyond me. She's been doing this for years now and her output is still more amateur than a food tech student's.

 

[Breakdance Badass]

If you had to be stuck in a lift with Soap Jack, Bond Jack or Tank Jack which one would you choose? I would personally choose to simply lay down and die.

I vote Bond Jack with sore finger not eyeshadow-ed black eye. She MUST be wearing double denim though

 

[Walkdengirl]

This is actually ridiculous. Look at just some of the things that were in the fridge picture from three days ago not on either shop. Not to mention all the things that are hidden on the other side of the fridge. Why bother with this charade??

Poverty cos play innit

 

[Mustard]

I noticed that Waitrose had a special offer in packs of asparagus tips- 3 for the price of 2. Perhaps that is where L purchased the asparagus from.

 

[bazzam]

I am making the cannelini buerre blanc and it’s all your fault.

Hope you have plenty of toilet roll in.

 

[Walkdengirl]

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The thing she’s talking about sticking her finger in is a Venus fly trap.

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I thought she had been free bleeding with the colour of that pasta (sorry, don't know how to do spoiler thing)

 

[Smeghead]

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[TriviaNewtonJohn]

If you had to be stuck in a lift with Soap Jack, Bond Jack or Tank Jack which one would you choose? I would personally choose to simply lay down and die.

Tattle Jack please. I wish I'd actually said something to her. Or something around her about ice lollies.

 

[Gnomic Gnome]

No idea but remember sex work covers a lot of jobs and there are as many kinks as there are people, maybe all that greedy goblin facehole chat is really doing it for some 'specialist' niche interest group.

Massaging raw sausages with filthy hands? That’s quite niche.

 

[Captainmouse]

This thing for The Guardian tomorrow definitely isn’t happening is it?

Well she’s double booked herself, shopping with buddle, can’t oissibly do both, not with Dino naps to fit in

 

[Smeghead]

Have we any actual proof yet that Louisa is the Covid Captive?
I'm not getting that vibe.
But then again I don't read people or situations very well.

She’s definitely been at the house as her public Strava activity showed

 

[sleepisforwimps]

Precisely , it’s all just bollocks. There’s no way in hell shes just spending £20 a week 3 people (she’s probably spending Buddles money

I’ve never seen anyone apologise for using expensive pasta and claim it as a present.
Just fuck off , can’t she admit she’s no longer poor and can afford more expensive food.

She is such a fraud

We used to buy giant pasta from Aldi, it wasnt expensive so why claim it is gifted?

 

[Walkdengirl]

Don’t think she was a tv cook before was she? She’s desperate to get back in tv.

And they're equally desperate not to have her back

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[blurstoftimes]

shut up lard soap - surely not? Surely no one would do this...

Now I admittedly sometimes use lard for homemade tortillas but has anyone here ever smelled it? It quite literally smells like a farm.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

We should probably come up with some new injuries for her to fake, keep things exciting. I'm going for the following:

1. Hit by a stray tennis ball.
2. Bitten by a mad horse.
3. Trips and lands headfirst in a skip.
4. Unspecified boating incident
5. Steps on a mousetrap.
6. Flattened by a runaway trampoline.
7. Slips on a giant grape.
8. Is accidentally catapulted from a see saw
9. Punched by Judith Chalmers
10. Stubs toe on a hibernating tortoise.

Punched by Judith Chalmers! Superb! HAHAHA!

 

[Harrybosch]

I might go next. I have a copy of TCC and have made one recipe that was completely sub-par in all honesty. I'm not a great cook except for a few well practiced favourites like chilli or a spag bol but I am interested and I try. Looking through the book to see what I could attempt. This is the one I made before, note the fecking tale of woe. She's like the black & white 'before' part of a JML ad. View attachment 305022

And on the seventh day, She made soup.

 

[BashmentLady]

She’s definitely been at the house as her public Strava activity showed

OT but every time I see your profile pic I think I have a skinny boaby on the screen.