I've never told anyone this...

[MRSgs]

I completely sympathise with you - hugs I get intrusive thoughts too and I’m sure I have OCD. Every so often I get awful thoughts about people I love and terrible events happening and I feel evil for thinking them in the first place. I’ve never told anyone in case they think I’m an awful person. They make me feel physically sick and like I’m going to cry. When it happens I go through a silly ritual in my head in an attempt to stop them coming true. I’ve never been diagnosed and I’m too nervous about going to the doctors because I wouldn’t know what to say, and Im worried that they wouldn’t believe me or couldn’t help. Hope you’re ok and that things get better for us soon xx

This is OCD honey. Look up 'Pure O', I think it will give you some answers. Please seek help, I felt exactly the same as you and didn't see a way out. There was no judgement from the doctor and they helped me realise I'm not mad or evil. It's a chemical imbalance in our brains. Things do get better

 

[Loveitme]

I had a boss (f) who was a right witch. Loved to humiliate her staff - in public at any given opportunity. (This was before every car had dash cams). So me and one of my work colleagues knew where she lived, she parked her shiny flashy car on the main road, so we drove past her car, I leant out the window with my steering lock and smashed off her wing mirror. Took a few attempts but so worth it when I saw it in the staff car park. Same mate was being cheated on by her boyfriend so we superglued matchsticks into the door locks of his van. Another mate - also being cheated on, boyfriend had an entertainer cosworth, loved it more than life, so we poured cooking oil and stones all over the bonnet. They got married...
Not so long ago I was in Waitrose with my daughter. I was perusing the bread and she wondered off. this absolute little b and his mother pushing a pushchair with another kid were standing next to me. This little fucker was having a massive tantrum and she was trying to negotiate with this 3 foot terrorist about what HE wanted, and he was screaming etc, as she looked so embarrassed, she walked away and as he went past I did a big stride forward tripping this little hole straight on his face!!!! Slap! He was crying and mum came running back and I said “aww are you ok..” and his mum carried him off! One thing I cannot abide is children in charge of parents!! Don’t feel bad at all.

That’s bloody awful about the child .He was 3,you do realise this is what 3 year olds do ,he could have had additional needs .

 

[Belulah]

That’s bloody awful about the child .He was 3,you do realise this is what 3 year olds do ,he could have had additional needs .

Even if he didn’t have additional need her issues laid with the mother for pandering to the child. Not the poor child!

 

[emm]

Even if he didn’t have additional need her issues laid with the mother for pandering to the child. Not the poor child!

totally agree, this is the only story i have read on here when I think i would be totally mortified to tell anyoneas it isso genuinley horrible

 

[Petulant_vlogger]

When my son was born he was premature. So he kept his eyes shut for quite a long time. He would open them occasionally so we knew his eye colour but it hadnt happened with me holding him. The first Time it happened... I was holding my sweet tiny, TINY little baby and his eyes snapped open.... I was absolutely terrified.

Your eyes are the same size from birth but obviously my sons eye holes were really small. It looked like a fully grown person, looking out through the eyes of my little baby. The jaundice definitely did not help.

I have never told anyone that and I hasten to add that he now has absolutely gorgeous eyes!!

 

[Loveitme]

Even if he didn’t have additional need her issues laid with the mother for pandering to the child. Not the poor child!

Yes you’re right ,why didn’t she mind her business like every other decent human

 

[Mulholland Drive]

My parents still don't know I have a drink problem. And neither do they know I smoke weed from time to time.

Funnily enough, I found the courage to tell them I was a les when I was 15, and dating girls. But even at the ripe old age of 27 I still can't find the courage to tell them of my alcoholism or drug-taking

 

[Qwerty124]

I've never told anyone this, ever and feel so much guilt because we have a really good relationship so I feel like I'm betraying her by even typing this. I dont know if it is even a big deal?

My mam and I went on my first holiday abroad when I just turned 8. She sometimes would leave me alone in my hotel room to go down to sleep with the waiters on the sun beds on the beach. We had a balcony overlooking the beach. One night I was so distraught at being left alone, I was shouting at other waiters directly below to try and get my mams attention. It never worked. I often cried myself to sleep that holiday.

 

[Petulant_vlogger]

Ive thought of another one. When I was a waitress I was carrying 3 heavy plates. Each with hot food, hot sauces and a sharp steak knife. As as I left the kitchen I realised that one of the plates had some large or something on the bottom and was seeing into my arm. The worst plate burn I have ever had.
I start picking up speed. Halfway to the table and a small child appears in my path. He sits on the floor and begins playing with toy cars.

I'm shouting to him and his adult companions and they all ignore me. I weigh it up in my head and realise that I have no time to change route before I drop everything. And if I stop to politely ask the little boy to move, I could drop hot food and plates and knives on him. So I plow on. Gently moving the child... with my foot.

And that's the story of the time I kicked a child.
(Pleade dont judge me too harshly )

 

[XXSJPXX]

I had a boss (f) who was a right witch. Loved to humiliate her staff - in public at any given opportunity. (This was before every car had dash cams). So me and one of my work colleagues knew where she lived, she parked her shiny flashy car on the main road, so we drove past her car, I leant out the window with my steering lock and smashed off her wing mirror. Took a few attempts but so worth it when I saw it in the staff car park. Same mate was being cheated on by her boyfriend so we superglued matchsticks into the door locks of his van. Another mate - also being cheated on, boyfriend had an entertainer cosworth, loved it more than life, so we poured cooking oil and stones all over the bonnet. They got married...
Not so long ago I was in Waitrose with my daughter. I was perusing the bread and she wondered off. this absolute little b and his mother pushing a pushchair with another kid were standing next to me. This little fucker was having a massive tantrum and she was trying to negotiate with this 3 foot terrorist about what HE wanted, and he was screaming etc, as she looked so embarrassed, she walked away and as he went past I did a big stride forward tripping this little hole straight on his face!!!! Slap! He was crying and mum came running back and I said “aww are you ok..” and his mum carried him off! One thing I cannot abide is children in charge of parents!! Don’t feel bad at all.

You have serious anger issues

 

[mochibean]

My parents still don't know I have a drink problem. And neither do they know I smoke weed from time to time.

Funnily enough, I found the courage to tell them I was a les when I was 15, and dating girls. But even at the ripe old age of 27 I still can't find the courage to tell them of my alcoholism or drug-taking

Alcoholism and drug-taking has a big stigma around it. I don't think smoking weed from time to time is an issue in itself, but the alcoholism definitely is.

As someone who has been through addiction and never told my parents honestly unless you need them to get better, I don't see the harm in not telling them. If you have any intentions of stopping drinking there are so many amazing resources and facilities out there to help, it's something you definitely can do you just need to want too.

What are your parents opinions on drugs, alcoholism, addicts in general? If they're quite hateful in that respect maybe it's best not too.

 

[birdiefly246]

I've never told anyone this, ever and feel so much guilt because we have a really good relationship so I feel like I'm betraying her by even typing this. I dont know if it is even a big deal?

My mam and I went on my first holiday abroad when I just turned 8. She sometimes would leave me alone in my hotel room to go down to sleep with the waiters on the sun beds on the beach. We had a balcony overlooking the beach. One night I was so distraught at being left alone, I was shouting at other waiters directly below to try and get my mams attention. It never worked. I often cried myself to sleep that holiday.

oh you poor thing! My heart actually broke reading that! I hope you can heal from that. That is horrific and it is a big deal. It doesn't matter what she was going downstairs do, you were hurting and that's all that matters. You're not betraying her. She may be a wonderful mum in other ways but she wasn't for you on that occasion and that is not your fault. You were just a kid and you deserved better

 

[watermelon sugar]

Here we go

I don't know my biological Dad. My Mum has never told me, she won't tell me. I've asked every Fathers Day and she won't tell me.
When I was younger, in year 4 my Mum picked me up outside school with some bloke. I'd never seen him before. I went up to her and she was all 'this is your Dad. He wants to take you to McDonald's.' I was fine with that at first but the walk to the car i got scared and upset. I cried and said I didnt want to go. He said it was fine and gave me a Liverpool top as a present. It was the yellow one. Years past and I was cleaning the loft out with my sister. The yellow Liverpool top appeared and I said 'my Dad gave me that.' My sister began acting all shifty and said it was a dream. I know it wasn't
When I was 15 a few days before my 16th birthday I went snooping through my Mums phone. I found a text from someone called 'Graeme' this text said 'she deserves to know. She's gonna be 16' i went to my Mums sent box and she had text this Graeme person back saying 'leave her alone, you best not ruin her birthday' I wish I rang that number. Or pulled my Mum up on it.
Another time when I was 16 at about 11pm one random Saturday night a bloke knocked on our door. My Mum locked me in the livingroom with the dog. She was talking to this bloke for about half an hour. Then out of nowhere he burst into the livingroom. He was all 'I cant believe i finally get to meet you. You're beautiful' my Mum quickly made him leave before he said any more. She just said it was one of my other siblings' Dads friends. I think he was my Dad.

I was grape in the back of a taxi when I was 16. I went out to town clubbing when I was obviously underage and got absolutely hammered. I lost my phone & my money but my friend just put me in the back of a taxi. I remember not having the money to pay and saying that I will go into my house and get it. He just ignored me and drove further up the road and got out and attacked me.

 

[Qwerty124]

oh you poor thing! My heart actually broke reading that! I hope you can heal from that. That is horrific and it is a big deal. It doesn't matter what she was going downstairs do, you were hurting and that's all that matters. You're not betraying her. She may be a wonderful mum in other ways but she wasn't for you on that occasion and that is not your fault. You were just a kid and you deserved better

Thank you for your reply, someone is definitely cutting onions. She really is now, I dont even know if she thought I was asleep and didn't know or even that I was shouting of her. We've never spoken about it together and to be honest she would probably brush it off as no big deal, but not in a nasty way, if that's possible?

I have 3 young kids myself and I find it hard to let them out and have sleepovers etc not because of my mam personally but I just want to be there for them no matter what.

 

[BettyCrocker]

I've never told anyone this, ever and feel so much guilt because we have a really good relationship so I feel like I'm betraying her by even typing this. I dont know if it is even a big deal?

My mam and I went on my first holiday abroad when I just turned 8. She sometimes would leave me alone in my hotel room to go down to sleep with the waiters on the sun beds on the beach. We had a balcony overlooking the beach. One night I was so distraught at being left alone, I was shouting at other waiters directly below to try and get my mams attention. It never worked. I often cried myself to sleep that holiday.

this is really sad and yes, unfortunately this is a big deal. She was leaving you alone in a hotel room so for a start off there’s a safety issue there and the fact that she was going off on her own to bag random men is really seedy and completely irresponsible. Anything could have happened to you being left alone and anything could have happened to her for being with random men.

 

[birdiefly246]

Thank you for your reply, someone is definitely cutting onions. She really is now, I dont even know if she thought I was asleep and didn't know or even that I was shouting of her. We've never spoken about it together and to be honest she would probably brush it off as no big deal, but not in a nasty way, if that's possible?

I have 3 young kids myself and I find it hard to let them out and have sleepovers etc not because of my mam personally but I just want to be there for them no matter what.

Maybe she did just think you were sleeping but it doesn't condone it in terms of how you felt. I can imagine there's probably a part of you that lives with the feelings of you at that age and doesn't want your kids to feel that way.

My mum is kind of the same in that when we went on holiday (just me and her) she would sometimes get drunk with people she'd met out there, throw up all night then pass out. This happened from around age 8-11. Thank god nothing ever happened but I dread to think what could have. I
remember laying thinking "why can't she be like normal mums". Terrifying when I think of it now and I could never do that to my kids. In a weird way I'm grateful she did these things as I definitely know how I don't want to be as a mother.

 

[Qwerty124]

Maybe she did just think you were sleeping but it doesn't condone it in terms of how you felt. I can imagine there's probably a part of you that lives with the feelings of you at that age and doesn't want your kids to feel that way.

My mum is kind of the same in that when we went on holiday (just me and her) she would sometimes get drunk with people she'd met out there, throw up all night then pass out. This happened from around age 8-11. Thank god nothing ever happened but I dread to think what could have. I
remember laying thinking "why can't she be like normal mums". Terrifying when I think of it now and I could never do that to my kids. In a weird way I'm grateful she did these things as I definitely know how I don't want to be as a mother.

Im so sorry you went through that. Thats really sad.

Unrelated to my mam but I cant stand drunks now as an adult.

Thats exactly it. I definitely won't be doing anything close to what she done or how she made me feel.

I'm talking 25 years ago, things were done differently. I get solice thinking she thinks I was unaware and I'd never mention it for fear of making her feel bad for it. I dont know why I mentioned it but your comments have been very understanding and kind, thank you so much.

 

[50sGirl]

Here we go

I don't know my biological Dad. My Mum has never told me, she won't tell me. I've asked every Fathers Day and she won't tell me.
When I was younger, in year 4 my Mum picked me up outside school with some bloke. I'd never seen him before. I went up to her and she was all 'this is your Dad. He wants to take you to McDonald's.' I was fine with that at first but the walk to the car i got scared and upset. I cried and said I didnt want to go. He said it was fine and gave me a Liverpool top as a present. It was the yellow one. Years past and I was cleaning the loft out with my sister. The yellow Liverpool top appeared and I said 'my Dad gave me that.' My sister began acting all shifty and said it was a dream. I know it wasn't
When I was 15 a few days before my 16th birthday I went snooping through my Mums phone. I found a text from someone called 'Graeme' this text said 'she deserves to know. She's gonna be 16' i went to my Mums sent box and she had text this Graeme person back saying 'leave her alone, you best not ruin her birthday' I wish I rang that number. Or pulled my Mum up on it.
Another time when I was 16 at about 11pm one random Saturday night a bloke knocked on our door. My Mum locked me in the livingroom with the dog. She was talking to this bloke for about half an hour. Then out of nowhere he burst into the livingroom. He was all 'I cant believe i finally get to meet you. You're beautiful' my Mum quickly made him leave before he said any more. She just said it was one of my other siblings' Dads friends. I think he was my Dad.

I was grape in the back of a taxi when I was 16. I went out to town clubbing when I was obviously underage and got absolutely hammered. I lost my phone & my money but my friend just put me in the back of a taxi. I remember not having the money to pay and saying that I will go into my house and get it. He just ignored me and drove further up the road and got out and attacked me.

Have you thought about doing an AncestryDNA test? If any of your father’s close relatives have tested then it might help you to discover who he is.
Obviously you could be opening a whole can of worms though...



Sorry that the taxi driver did that to you.

 

[aimz_yeah]

I really hate having to explain myself to people about why I'm not doing much for Xmas. I hate the holiday and try to ignore it every year but people are always like "are you doing anything nice" or going to see family (I don't really have much family). I know they mean well but its like you're not able to just say you're having a quiet one without justifying it

 

[freda19]

I really hate having to explain myself to people about why I'm not doing much for Xmas. I hate the holiday and try to ignore it every year but people are always like "are you doing anything nice" or going to see family (I don't really have much family). I know they mean well but its like you're not able to just say you're having a quiet one without justifying it

I have an aunt with that attitude. She can't be arsed with the Christmas roundabout and is happier on her own doing her own thing. It infuriates me when relatives nag her about it. Same with weddings, she dresses nice and goes to the service then heads home, no interest in ceilidhing or partying all day afterwards. And now the bloody nieces and nephews are old enough to join in the "Come to ours for Christmas Aunty " mantra. I think half of them only do it to look caring and I'm pretty sure a few do it to wind her up. If she accepted they'd tit a brick. She's happy in her own company, good for her.And good for you, each to their own.