I've never told anyone this...

[freda19]

My sis in law was having a garage clear out and gave me a ratty old deck chair. It was sound(like old things usually are), it just needed a good scrub, which I duly did and it came up like new. A week or two later she saw it all pristine and asked for it back because she said it was the only chair that eased her achey back. Liar, she'd not used it in years. Anyway I said OK through gritted teeth and promiised to drop it off next day. That night I used my trusty stitch ripper to snip every 5th or 6th stitch where the fabric attached to the wood. Dropped it off at sil's next day. Apparently the first time she sat in it the stitching all popped and she fell through it to the ground on her fat arse, got jammed in and had to be hauled out by her neighbour. "Oh dear" I said when she told me "maybe I used too much bleach when I washed it and it rotted the stitching".
I know it was a cunt move but she was forever pulling cunty stunts on me for stealing her cash cow brother. Sorry, not sorry at all.

 

[BasilRathbon]

Last December while on holiday in Wuhan I bought a dead bat from the wet market, had it for my tea and when I got back to the UK barfed all over the customs officers at Heathrow.


Sorry about the last 9 months everyone.

 

[Pinkblush]

My ex boss was from a vegetarian household and that included her jack russell who was also fed a vegetarian diet. One day she bought him into work because he wasn't well. She said he was whiny and fidgety for most of the night and she wanted to keep an eye on him. Around about lunchtime she asked if I would take him across the road to the park for a walk/toileting because she had been asked last minute to attend a meeting. I happily obliged so off to the park we went. I was told to keep him on the lead.

After one loop of the park I sat on a bench and called a mate for a chat. I was absorbed in the conversation and didn't take much notice of the dog pulling on the lead - at this point he was out of sight behind the bench. He had one of those extendable leads so I released it a bit more. When I finished the call I turned around to look at the dog and was horrified to see it laying into a dropped doner kebab. I tried to get him away but I hate to pull on a lead as its seems cruel so I tried to lift him but I couldn't manage it. One thing I noticed was that he seemed to be really enjoying it. His tail was wagging furiously and he couldn't get it down quick enough so it felt cruel not to let him finish it. No one would know, right?

Even when the kebab was finished he was vigorously licking the paper. When I finally managed to get him away I got some wipes out of my bag and cleaned his snout and mouth to get rid of the smell. About half and hour after we got back he had the most violent diarrhoea. The stench and mess were awful. It was an open plan office and staff were gagging. It was putrid. Boss ended up on her hands and knees cleaning it up. It tooks ages but the smell lingered. She got her PA to arrange for specialist carpet cleaners to come out in an emrgency to deep clean. She then rushed off with him to vets linking it to him not being well. When she came back later she said he eas on a drip and they were keeping him in overnight for observation.

I know its bad but I just couldn't come clean. The only good thing was I know for definite that the dog really enjoyed that meat treat in spite of getting the squirts. When she bought him in on the day the vets let him out he ran straight over to my desk and just sat and stared at me making a whiny noise. My boss couldn't understand it. She said I must have a special vibe with dogs but I knew he wanted more kebab.

 

[shadyessex33]

When we’d just moved into our house 8 years ago we were having all the taps changed, so the water was off. I had a terrible stomach ache suddenly that wouldn’t wait. I’m ashamed to say I had to go in the cat litter tray in the utility room
Plumber and my husband were both gagging at the smell asking what on earth the cat had been eating. Still never told anyone the truth.

 

[Facehugger]

My mum was always so old fashioned. She was still stuck in the 1950's when I was a teenager in the 80's. One weekend I wanted to go to a party and stay out, I was about 16, she was having none of it. So I put vodka in her orange juice she had with her tea, she was asleep on the sofa by 8pm, so off out I went and she was still there when I got home at 6am!

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

That's horrible doing that to your step daughter you evil cow!! What a psychotic thing to do!

I’ve taken two years of her evil behaviour

every single day I’ve had shit slung at me from her

im human-and I lost it-maybe I shouldn’t have done it but I’d got so ground down by it

it was ok for her to destroy my stuff,steal from me,try to break my relationship up,lie ,be rude/swear at me hurt my sons dog and much much more?

maybe I am evil-or maybe,just maybe I snapped-guess we’ll agree to disagree on this one

 

[bunnyboo]

I'm not religious, I'm an atheist but once a week I go to my twin brother's grave during my lunch break and talk (yes, out loud) to them. They were pretty young when they passed so it's not like I "knew" them or anything, but I tell them everything.

 

[Olive40]

When I was a little I was having a bath with my brother and I did a poo in the bath, when mum turned back to us I blamed my brother and she believed me and told him off. To this day he remembers and I still deny it. Even at 40 I won’t admit it

Sorry if this one is really triggering.

13 years ago when my children were little and I’d been married for 8 years, I was raped on a night out with friends by a pub landlord. I am certain date rape drug was used. I rarely went out, and didn’t know him.

I got hold of his number from a friend the next day and questioned what he did to me, he shit himself and he quickly told the town we had sex and I consented. To this day I’ve only one flashback of that night, enough to know what he did to me, just one flashback of seconds. . So the whole town thought I was some evil cheat on my husband, I ended up with severe anxiety and PTSD. The reality was only my husband believed me that I was raped and I ended up in years of therapy. My GP said it was rape and urged me to go to the police but I couldn’t face it as everyone seemed to believe his lies. So I couldn’t face telling the world I was raped as I thought no one would believe me. I was the talk of all the gossips at the school gate, no wonder I had severe anxiety leaving my house. My own mother believed the rumours over her own daughter, no wonder I always blamed myself and suffered so much.

Bit of a depressing one but that’s one huge secret I’ve never told anyone other than my husband, Gp and therapist.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

When I worked for an IT company as an IT administrator, there was a really horrid man who was sexist, homophobic and probably racist by all accounts. So on my penultimate night before leaving the company I logged onto his work computer using his Active Directory login details, and uploaded a number of naked men to his Pictures folder and activated his screensaver and Desktop Wallpaper with these images.

The following morning our department received an "urgent" phone call from this guy saying his computer had been hacked. I "volunteered" to go down to the open plan office where he worked along with 8 or 9 other accountants. When I got there he had switched his computer off, but I booted it back and asked him to log in again, which he was reluctant to do, but he did eventually.

Sure enough there was a wallpaper pic of a nude man holding his cock in a "purposeful" way looking straight back at not only me and the bloke, but also everyone else in the room.

I could have fixed the problem in a jif, but I prolonged his discomfort for another 10 minutes or so, and then declared he had indeed been hacked (by me )

 

[LittleMy]

I was sexually assaulted as a child by someone who is now dead. I have never spoken about it to anyone.

 

[50sGirl]

Am I the only one who thinks the posts by Pebbledash were bullsh#t?
Eating her thrush - come on, seriously? I think she was just a wind up merchant.

 

[Hendrix]

I too, unschool my children!

I got pregnant deliberately with one of my children. I lied about being on the pill. No regrets!

Years ago I had sex with one of my friends partners. It wasn't an affair or anything like that, he came on to me one day quite strong and it escalated into sex. I struggle saying no and felt a bit under pressure. I felt absolutely awful afterward especially that since over the years, I ended up growing quite close to this particular friend. She is still with the guy. We act like it didn't happen.

My partner's brother has more in common with me than my partner. I've sometimes thought I've met the wrong one.

I used to steal things from my aunties house when I was a teen anything ranging from her last joint, to a brand new bottle of Chanel her partner got her, knowing full well my cousin's would get the blame and punished, often quite severely.

I will eat and enjoy any residue out of my orafices bar shit and piss but including ear wax, blackheads, bogeys, eye crust, yeast from thrush and so on... I also love swishing my freshly bitten toenails round my mouth.

I once cheated on my ex boyfriend. I have no regrets because he was a vile man. The lad I cheated on him with came inside me. My ex boyfriend was stirring his porridge and eating me out the next morning.

Fuck me, there are some things that should never be said

 

[lemonlime]

Skipped work at my previous job with an "upset stomach" and went to a daytime screening of How To Train Your Dragon by myself instead. No regrets

 

[Angelcake805]

When I was about 10 there's was a few of us in the loos and this one girl started throwing wet toilet paper/towels at the ceiling blocking all the toilets with whatever she could find.. naturally the teachers found out and she blamed me!!! They didn't believe her as she had a bit of a reputation for being a trouble maker but I was so mad she said it was me!!

At the time we had a pet snake and had a bag full of dead mice in the freezer took one to school and put it in her coat pocket break time came around and I was thoroughly amused by her screeching and disgust mwhahahahaha

Fuck you Jenna!!!!!!

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

I used to share a house with a nutjob. One night he broke into my bedroom, left a pint glass of his urine on my shelf, put my spare keys down the toilet, trashed everything and left my knickers strewn everywhere. About a week later he was cooking a curry which he left unmanned whilst he took a phone call. I took the opportunity to squirt some toilet duck, extra salt and some of my own urine (specially saved) into his curry. He subsequently ate it and didn't say anything. He could have been seriously ill due to the toilet duck but sadly wasn't. Hopefully he's dead now.

 

[Missmadness]

My sister is a horrible cunt.Havent spoken for years and years....she’d just been absolutely vile (got me evicted from my home-long story) Anyway she had just got a very impressive and important job working in a government building,And nobody liked her she was very aware of that.She had the responsibility of opening the office and had all the master keys in her bag.Like i say government building,very important.I stole the keys.Never gave them back.Caused absolute mayhem..she got sacked.Every single lock had to be changed.I fucked her right over.

 

[Monstermash]

I had a sexual relationship with my cousin for 3 years. No one in our family ever found out.

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

My sis in law was having a garage clear out and gave me a ratty old deck chair. It was sound(like old things usually are), it just needed a good scrub, which I duly did and it came up like new. A week or two later she saw it all pristine and asked for it back because she said it was the only chair that eased her achey back. Liar, she'd not used it in years. Anyway I said OK through gritted teeth and promiised to drop it off next day. That night I used my trusty stitch ripper to snip every 5th or 6th stitch where the fabric attached to the wood. Dropped it off at sil's next day. Apparently the first time she sat in it the stitching all popped and she fell through it to the ground on her fat arse, got jammed in and had to be hauled out by her neighbour. "Oh dear" I said when she told me "maybe I used too much bleach when I washed it and it rotted the stitching".
I know it was a cunt move but she was forever pulling cunty stunts on me for stealing her cash cow brother. Sorry, not sorry at all.

I did something just like this-and this is the first time I’ve ever admitted it

my step daughter is 18,lazy,spiteful,a billy bullshitter and trouble maker

shes never worked a day in her life and expects us to fund her until,she marries a rich man

shes tried to break us up so many times-I cannot stress how much of a nasty,foul mouthed bitch she is-who likes to play the innocent if anythings said

well anyway,her mother bought her this pair of utterly foul trousers-think Rupert bear pattern but in a shit brown colour

she loved these trousers-and I found out she’d destroyed/stolen some of my best make up,then she broke my hairdryer,had poured my bubble bath down the loo and had hit my sons dog

she expected me to wash,dry and iron all her clothes which until then I’d refused to do

so I washed them and dried them but before I put them away I took my stitch ripper and did the same to these blasted trousers-but every 4/5 stitches

she thought she’d ground me down and merrily put them on for college the next day-smirking as she left

from what I can gather,she’d gone to college and the elastic on her knickers had snapped (I didn’t touch those-I swear) so she’d taken them off-and strolled into class with them in her bag-and sat down

you can imagine the rest…

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

Many many moons ago (pre kids,so I’m going back at least 23 years ago) I cheated on my then boyfriend
with his brother
in my defence I was young,stupid and fed up of being with a cunt (he was a nasty twat-his brother wasn’t much better)
if you met me now,I’d swear I’ve never cheated in my life-I’ve never cheated on anyone else

I babysat for my mates dog once
lovely dog-just never been trained,so he really lacks doggy manners
i may have told her I fed him steak as a treat (he’s spoilt rotten by her)
I didn’t-he had a tin of Tesco’s own dog food
no wonder his farts where awful when I took him back home (after being kept awake all night by him and having to keep an eye on him every minute for those 24 hours in case he bolted)
she refuses to feed him steak now in case his arse turns as toxic as it was that day

My brother was being an utter cunt one day so I farted in his school bag

my ex boss was being a real twat one day (even more than normal) so I may have sneezed in his coffee-oh and if your wondering boss-it was me who put blue roll down the lav just so it would block
you shouldn’t have told me that being sexually assaulted on shift was ‘my own fault for going outside’ and yelling at me for running away when you allowed him to walk back in after banning him

kids-you want to know where your chocolate went?
I ate it
you shouldn’t have pushed every button I had that day-I did buy more out of sheer guilt tho

mother-you know that £300 you claimed I owed you even though I didn’t?
you offered to pay for the kids parties-not pay and charge me double
i didn’t put it under the safe like I said I did
i went to next and spent it on your grandkids

god,I deserve to go to hell in a handcart

 

[Girlinabubble]

I’ve kept in contact with a boy I went out with briefly 40 years ago - we’ve met every year for lunch and still really really like each other but we’re both married and have never taken it further but we both know we would if we could!