Just had a flashback to a mini series Ioan was in on the BBC years ago, he played a peacekeeping soldier in the Balkans. It was really good as I recall.
Warriors (1999 TV series) - Wikipedia
Warriors (1999 TV series) - Wikipedia
Ioan Gruffudd and Alice Evans #81 I'll never understand what I did wrong
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Alice Evans Threads Wiki
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Thanks & a good catch!
I missed it totally!
I think the only way for Ioan to put the kids first would have been to not date for the next 5-10 years or something (let's be real, the divorce would have taken years and Alice would never have let go of this, so he would have been forced to wait until the kids are adults to understand it themselves, if that even would work) or really hide the duck out of the relationship (many fathers do this, but they are not famous and dont have a crazy ex-wife). But even then the outlook would be grim, Ella refused to see him (outside of the house) seemingly because Ioan demands more discipline than Alice does (and obviously Alice backed her here as we saw in the texts) and seemingly because the whole matter about whether he can pay the private school was already last year a hot topic. Then you have probably Alice poisoning her that he doesnt come home even when she is sick or when it's his only option to see her. Alice programmed the emotional blackmail from the start and he had no chance here. It likely would have gone on and on even without Bianca until he gives in.
I actually wonder if in the case of Ella his approach is exactly right: to show that emotional blackmail and tantrums are not the way to achieve your goals, and that she will have to live with the fact that daddy cant always appease mommy (and in extension them). Time will tell if this works or if he gave up too quickly on her, but what many commonly see as taking the kids first is not always the way to go. What I am unsure of is if he could have done better with Elsie, since that relationship was fine pre-Bianca (even if under wrong promises/assumption, whoever was responsible for this)
I actually wonder if in the case of Ella his approach is exactly right: to show that emotional blackmail and tantrums are not the way to achieve your goals, and that she will have to live with the fact that daddy cant always appease mommy (and in extension them). Time will tell if this works or if he gave up too quickly on her, but what many commonly see as taking the kids first is not always the way to go. What I am unsure of is if he could have done better with Elsie, since that relationship was fine pre-Bianca (even if under wrong promises/assumption, whoever was responsible for this)
Monday morning quarterbacking and all that. How I wish I could go back in time every single day of my life but I can’t.
The separation from AE, the introduction of someone else - let’s face it, it was always going to be a shitstorm. AE is incendiary, she goes off if someone has parked their big car in a small space, so trying to leave a marriage must have seemed insurmountable. I think he needed someone to lean on, someone who understood the nuances of being trapped in a bad situation, given him some strength, some one positive, that’s why BW happened.
Easy to say on the outside, he should have done this or that, but dealing with someone like AE is tricky when you are on the same side as them, nigh on impossible if you are not. She is wily and cunning, I don’t think IG is. But he has learnt how to handle her now. He can see the light now, he is almost there.
Easy to say on the outside, he should have done this or that, but dealing with someone like AE is tricky when you are on the same side as them, nigh on impossible if you are not. She is wily and cunning, I don’t think IG is. But he has learnt how to handle her now. He can see the light now, he is almost there.
As far as I can see Alice was reacting from at least the minute Ioan started to divorce her. Her reaction level hit the highest level and stayed there. The alienation went to into full swing at that point with no hint of a new girlfriend.
She has stated that she is doing this deliberately and intentionally until he does what she wants him to do. IIFC that is he lives in the garage and pretends they are a happy family. Or a version of that, one bed apartment by himself no social life, available to do odd jobs at her beck and call and to finance her ridiculous demands. Anyone who expects him to agree to that needs to wobble their head and stick it in a bucket of ice.
Ioan didn’t cause her to change course or up her game when he confirmed his relationship with Bianca. She was doing it all anyway and she told him that. He has and he had no means to avoid her malicious and abusive behaviour except through the routes he is now taking.
It’s the C21, single parent gets a partner is not shocking or complicated. Narc mother goes bananas on SM is.
She has stated that she is doing this deliberately and intentionally until he does what she wants him to do. IIFC that is he lives in the garage and pretends they are a happy family. Or a version of that, one bed apartment by himself no social life, available to do odd jobs at her beck and call and to finance her ridiculous demands. Anyone who expects him to agree to that needs to wobble their head and stick it in a bucket of ice.
Ioan didn’t cause her to change course or up her game when he confirmed his relationship with Bianca. She was doing it all anyway and she told him that. He has and he had no means to avoid her malicious and abusive behaviour except through the routes he is now taking.
It’s the C21, single parent gets a partner is not shocking or complicated. Narc mother goes bananas on SM is.
I have very much been there too , but I totally understand that right now Ioan is helpless in relation to contact with his daughters, and he’s basically dammed if he does and dammed if he doesn’t.
It must be a living hell for him knowing he‘s unable to swoop in and get them , and very likely the reason he didn’t leave the maniac years ago .The law often favours the mother , even when there’s mountains of evidence to suggest otherwise.
I do however think Ioan is getting his ducks in a row and making sure there are literally no holes for her to slip through.
I also think that if and when he does get full custody he’s in for a bit of a shock . Being a part time working away parent as we know is very different to being Mr mum , let alone unravelling the mess Alice has caused
I don’t envy him that bit .
I hope to hell I'm not right but I think Elsie would be scared of her mum's reaction and story and certainly swayed to her big sisters reaction against Ioan leaving, then Bianca and then everything that came after that. Gloria, the school money, everything. I hope she's not too far gone that something with her dad can't be salvaged.
End of the day I think we can all say we're afraid for the kids, but Alice has them all day every day apart from when they're at school and she neither has the time nor the inclination to have broken anything to them with tact and with the fragility of their wee hearts in mind.
She's a wrecking ball.
I think he knew she'd go nuclear once it was out there and keeping his new relationship under cover let him keep the contact with his kids. I still believe there's a lot more to come out yet and the lengths Alice has gone to stopping access. I believe it was always her intention to alienate the girls once she knew that he wasn’t ever going back to her.
I’m going to go back to Rutherford for a second without ANY inside details like I do here. She was with a dude who was not American and was on some type of visa. They split up right after the second baby was born. It became acrimonious. This is where it gets weird. He was technically breaking American immigration laws and she grassed him and he was deported. He was in fact breaking the law (though interesting to note the TRO I and B received makes reference to real or perceived immigration status) but she was the one who was held accountable for parental alienation and he was awarded temp custody abroad. Effectively two American born citizens were also deported. During a visitation to the states, two courts (NY and CA) said that they couldn’t rule on a matter as it was out of their jurisdiction. She withheld the kids for a few days and was stripped of any chance of ever getting ANY custody. She only has visitation and she has to travel overseas to make it happen. I’m not going to go into messy personal accusations (I don’t know enough) but the point the American judge made in the final ruling was that the father had demonstrated more willingness to co parent than the mother (based on her not returning the kids on time following a visitation) and was awarded 100%. I know Rutherford to be a working actress and I’m not too sure about substance abuse issues but none of that seems to factor in if there were. It was simply that the other parent was more willing to co parent. Apply that here to Alice and Ioan……in the same state, with the same threshold/criteria and case law to rely on….
BIB
Yes it is right. She is old enough to learn that there are limits to what you can demand of another person, relation, friend or lover. She is old enough enough to learn that some behaviours should not and will not be rewarded. If she doesn’t learn this lesson then she will be the loser in life. Because she will be a very unlikable person.
Sure he could forget what being a good parent means and just indulge her. But I hope he learnt that lesson with her mother. Instead he is doing the courageous thing. He is risking what he most loves to save what he most loves.
It's fantastic, but heartbreaking. My husband and I recently watched it again on YouTube.
The Rutherford case is a mindblower huh. I only know the jist, most of what you've put here.
She was in an article for Forbes in 2020 and I don't think she mentioned her kids...
I thought this one was interesting given the circumstances...
The 1 Thing That Made Kelly Rutherford Lose Custody
Rutherford, by all accounts, started losing her fight for custody the moment she started interfering with dad's relationship and access. Now, she's suffering some rather extreme consequences.
My other point and forgive me but it has to be acknowledged, is that usually before a violent event occurs within the family at the hand of one of the parents, there were almost always signs that the other person was not taking the break up well. Some are still awarded the children for weekends or alternate weeks. Something bad happens that can’t be fixed as punishment to the “leaving” parent. I’m not suggesting this is the case in this specific matter l, however the judge will (usually and hopefully) know which signs and hallmarks to look for to prevent such events. Alice can’t control herself, especially after a few drinks and she is now very close to a judge granting a PRO which means the judge believes that Ioan and Bianca are under some sort of physical threat. That’s really serious and shows how serious I is taking this. The judge will make that decision in the end. But for everyone saying, “well the kids are going to be so messed up if they’re forced to live with Bianca”….the alternative could result in something much worse, god forbid. That’s the judges call but we’ve all seen it before and the courts have wised up to the signs that it’s going beyond PA.
That's hilarious! Now, I'm going to be walking around singing that all day. My family already thinks I'm weird. Oh, well...
Private moments...hmmmm. Okay. Moving on.oh dear lord
I really, really wished I hadn’t have read that (telling my brain to …..unsee, unsee!
) BIB - agree, also the film title struck me as curious, why this one?
Black Balled - Urban Dictionary
https://www.urbandictionary.com
I might be wrong but wonder if she thinks she has something on Yo he hasn't already mentioned that could embarrass him publicly in some way?
- Status