@ReturningthePearls - your mum must feel so loved by you & be so proud of you; for your compassion, wisdom, insight & understanding of her choice to stay. I'm so glad she has you in her corner.
I wish her peace.
I think you will make a wonderful counsellor. Hugs,
xxx
@ZipSilver - that is so sad & an awful thing for a child to witness. I hope you're in a good place now? Hugs,
xxx
@Fuzzy Slippers - DV against men sadly doesn't get the support or acknowledgement that it should. I think there's still a stigma about it. I'm sorry your poor son suffered & can only imagine how helpless you felt. I hope he one day finds someone worthy of him. Hugs,
xxx
You’re so very kind to go to the trouble of replying on another thread, bless you!
I’d say I’m okay with it now, yeah, she died over ten years ago now and I’m at peace with how things happened though I’ll wish forever that it didn’t have to be that way. The worst part was watching her suffer so much. She was an absolutely incredible mother, the best I could have ever hoped for, she was so loving and kind, always my biggest cheerleader, had such a caring heart, made me feel like the most beautiful and smartest person in her world and filled me with self esteem. She never got to pursue her passions due to marrying and having kids young with an abuser but spent all her free time listening to music and reading books, both of which she passed onto me (and I’m passing on to my child!). I’d rather have had her for the time I did than anyone else’s mum for a lifetime and so I feel incredibly grateful, and I’m glad she’s no longer suffering even though it hurts that she went so soon. In time I learned how to cope with the grief and even though certain songs still gut me and take me right back to her it all feels as okay as it’s ever gonna be.
The experience of caring for her during her decline taught me so much. It took a while to stop only remembering her as the sick alcoholic she was at the end and to start remembering her when she was well, it was excruciatingly painful to remember what I’d actually lost before the addiction but I’m so glad now that I can think of memories of her and smile and talk about her without pain.
I don’t talk about it much anymore coz who wants to hear an adult go on and on about someone who died a decade ago? But grief never leaves you, though I personally feel for me it’s gotten much, much easier and more bearable with time. But I wouldn’t wish her experience on anyone, nor would I wish grieving a mother in those circumstances at that age on anyone either. I didn’t know it was possible to turn inside out with raw pain and I’m still surprise in some ways that I survived it.
I try not to project, I know the experience of AE and her daughters is unique to them. But I wish sometimes I could speak to and shake her and tell her how serious this could become, and how she could be risking leaving her children for good. I know she wouldn’t listen, denial is a powerful thing and she has to reach that conclusion by herself, hopefully before it’s too late. I remember an older ex of mine, he was a functioning alcoholic with a daughter, and I asked him once whether he realised where things were going to end up for him. He did. He just didn’t want to or couldn’t stop.
I was incredibly lucky to have had the ‘good’ kind of alcoholic in my mum, I think, one who only started problem drinking right when I hit adulthood, whose decline didn’t take too long, and who always tried her best to protect me from it by trying to tell me not to visit so I wouldn’t see what was going on. Who was otherwise a phenomenal, loving, amazing mum. it could have been much worse, I can’t imagine having a parent who is both an addict and has such serious problems with their personality, who is disengaged, with children who are so young
And who would want her if they are following this debacle?
I'M COMIN MAMA, WAIT UP
www.urbandictionary.com
