I needed to read this again so thanks @ReturningthePearls for being so eloquent. This line of attack as started up again. For the record, I don't think IG is perfect. He wouldn't have married AE if he was lol. That said, I will give him credit for leaving an abusive marriage despite all the threats AE used to try and keep him there. Threats that she has fulfilled to a large extent (but she didn't she the TRO coming did she lol?) As for BW, she seems nice and is not another AE thank god!! I also think she has been very supportive to IG at a time of crisis for him. This needs to be said again because someone is starting the whole "giving Ioan a pass" thing again on the DM.As lovely Jemadah said, supporting a survivor is obligatory work. Not a sign of bizarre obsession. If I saw Ioan in the street, I would recognize him and maybe say hello (if he didn’t look like he was preoccupied with anything in that moment), but that’s just because I’m a fan. And I think that’s alright, too, honestly! It’s alright to WANT to say hello if you pass him on the street or something. It’s alright to be a supporter of his work and talent.
Ramble coming, but…
Manyyyyyy threads ago I called out people on their use of the word “gushing” over Ioan (and Bianca) when describing how the attitude in here towards the two had begun to shift positively.
With BPD, there’s this concept called a “favorite person” or FP, in which many (not all) Borderlines become somewhat obsessed or intensely fixated on a particular person—very often close friends or even teachers/professors, etc., basically people who have shown them kindness on a serious level or have uplifted or inspired them deeply.
There’s honestly no rhyme or reason to it, but an FP obsession can last from weeks to literal YEARS. The damage is DEVASTATING because Borderlines already struggle with a lack of identity, but they make it worse by trying to invest in their FP’s interests to bond better with them, which means they’re redesigning themselves for another person, which means that when that FP fixation is over…who are they now? I’ve had MANYYY FP’s since fuckin childhood, and every single one harmed me and left me lost regarding who I am or what my life purpose is.
I hate “gushing.”
I hate “fawning over.”
I hate “obsessed with.”
I hate “fangirling over.”
I get noticeably fuckin agitated with any term or phrase that accuses me of doing something I’m not doing. Because I KNOW what it’s like to be obsessive, and I remember, each and every time, the damage it caused me.
It’s super triggering every time I hear fizzlefuck say ANYTHING hinting at obsession or excessive devotion. It’s wrong, it’s a sweeping generalization, and it completely erases our right to appreciate other people for whatever it is that makes them unique and lovable. That was a rant but this time I’m not apologizing for it because it needed to be said.As you were…
"Tattlers.....many of you are some of the funniest, brightest women posting on the internet today, and will always be grateful for staying on top of all the lies Alice tells. But the assumption that anyone that doesn't think Ioan is entirely perfect or that Bianca maybe doesn't walk on water makes us Alice or an FM is becoming pretty old. Remember back in the day you all laughed about how you were all Bianca? Unfortunately the tone on Tattle has become *exactly the same*. It is possible to believe Ioan was abused, got out (yay!), and has made some pretty serious missteps along the way. The hero worship for Bianca is just painful...like why do I have to lurv this 3rd party in order to believe Alice is mad? You are such an intelligent group but this aspect feels so much like the FMs' behavior and I wish it would ratchet down a notch."
Yeah, duck off whoever you are.
