I am going to cut Ella a lot of slack. My middle daughter was 13 when everything imploded in our house. Alice has got a run-of-the-mill divorce, but mine really wasn't, my ex's behaviour was truly shocking, even to his own family. My youngest is very close to her cousin on her dad's side. My ex has a brother that none of us like, my girls find him super creepy and strange. Some years after all the insane drama my youngest daughter said to her cousin "Uncle XXXXX is the strange uncle', her cousin said 'Actually your dad is the strange uncle'. It was very conflicting for her. It upset her because it was true, it embarrassed her, but she also was reassured that her father's crappy behaviour had been seen by his family for what it was. crappy behaviour. Back to the middle daughter, she acted out spectacularly, not of the level of the hacking but equally upsetting and so out of character I was tearing my hair out with worry, I'm not going to go into it all because it is too traumatic dredging it up. I was the Ioan in our situation because every time I would ground her or take away privileges she would call her dad who would drive over or send his girlfriend to pick her up even though it was my time and they knew she was grounded and she would sneak out. They then didn't supervise her. She was a grandmaster at playing both of us off against each other. My oldest and youngest struggled with the divorce but it was especially hard on my middle daughter. 13 is a really vulnerable age