Ioan Gruffudd & Alice Evans #109 I'm Alice Evans, my life’s a mess, I need a GoFundMe to buy Panda Express

[Invictus]

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome

I know it's all-too easy to be a "search engine psychologist", and I'm not a psychologist and obviously couldn't diagnose people I'd never met even if I was, but... there are many professional psychologists in my family (it's how my parents met!), and I do know a bit about personality disorders, so, based on Alice's behaviour on social media - and courts do take this very seriously in divorce/custody hearings - I would say she is displaying several signs of what could be a cluster B personality disorder - I would suggest BPD. This is disproportionately common in actresses/models (Amber Heard being a classic recent example), because BPD people have huge underlying insecurity and so chase professions where they are excessively admired.

One of the top symptoms of BPD is "fear of abandonment", and so, as and when it happens, they react as if it is the worst, most unendurable thing in the world - as to them, it feels like it is. Alice's reaction to the split is disproportionate and over-the-top, and this could certainly be an indicator of an underlying disorder, and her history suggests she has many of the other symptoms of BPD (impulsive, self-destructive behaviours; extreme emotional swings; explosive anger; alcohol abuse).

If I was Ioan, I would be strongly pushing for a clinical evaluation from a psychologist, because if she has that disorder, it will a) give him a much better framework in which to understand, and therefore deal with, her seemingly completely irrational behaviour as they move forward as co-parents, and b) help galvanise her getting the precise kind of help and support she needs, which will enable to be a much better parent (not that she is an irredeemably awful one now, but there are obviously areas of concern).

I don't believe it is incidental that Alice has no relationship with her father, as this speaks of a childhood which must have had periods of intense emotional trauma, which are a necessary prerequisite for BPD to develop. She probably feared abandonment by her father, and is projecting a lot of that onto Ioan / relationships with men in general. She seems to have picked men she believed would never leave her - Ioan because he was younger / less powerful, and Olivier because he was gay. That might sound counterintuitive at first, but an advantage to being with a gay man is that he is never going to leave you for another woman. It is not unheard of for gay men to marry women and to have quiet "arrangements", e.g., they can discreetly see men on the side, as long as they stay with the family. That might have been an appealing set-up to someone as fearful of abandonment as Alice.

In fact, Alice's reaction to Ioan's departure far more resembles that of a child being abandoned by its father, than one adult being left by another. Her outrage, unrestrained emotional outbursts, and untempered fury would be fairly appropriate reactions for a young child whose father had walked out and was refusing any contact. But in Alice's mind, that is what the marital dissolution is equivalent to, as what has struck me is how she seems completely unable to accept that people do actually have the right to leave marriages. Marriage is not an unbreakable bond in the way that parenthood is, hence why divorce exists and adultery is not illegal (whereas abandoning your child - at least financially - is).

Alice is trying to punish Ioan like a furious child might do to a father who has left her, because I think this is a deeply embedded and unresolved emotional conflict at the heart of her personality - something clearly went very wrong between her and her father, and now those same issues are being played out by her towards all men she gets involved with.

These are all issues that can be treated and resolved with intensive therapy, but they have to be acknowledged first. This means acknowledgement by Alice - that she has a psychological issue that needs treating - and by Ioan - that his ex-wife is not merely being difficult or obstructive, but that she's actually not psychologically well. She's not actively choosing to be irrational, but her emotional abilities are very limited and distorted by her personality disorder. That her behaviour is so obviously self-destructive, but that she can't see it at all, suggests there is a very significant emotional and perceptual distortion at the centre of her personality and how she sees the world

Personality disorders are difficult (though not impossible) to treat, because unlike other psychological issues - depression, say, or OCD - they are not a symptom that an otherwise healthy person is experiencing, but rather, the personality disorder IS the person. These disorders typically develop so early that there isn't a healthy underlying personality that's separate from the disorder, and so personality disordered individuals can be very resistant to treatment, as they fear treating what is wrong with them (which is their actual personality) will annihilate them.

Treating a personality disorder is possible though, and it involves teaching the person re-parenting techniques to apply to themselves to try and heal some very deeply embedded early damage, and then teaching them different behavioural skills - getting them to understand they need to behave differently in certain situations, even if they have strong feelings saying otherwise - and gradually moving them beyond the worst excesses of a personality disorder (and the good news is these do tend to burn out and be less all-consuming as people age).

As I say, cluster B disorders are very common amongst actresses / models and so it certainly isn't far-fetched to imagine Alice might have one. As Amber Heard was clinically evaluated as part of the trial, and she and Johnny didn't even have children to consider, I would imagine it would be eminently possible to arrange a clinical evaluation for Alice.

It might really help her to see why this split has hit her so hard and why she is dealing with it in such a self-destructive way: that being how she is is not her "fault" (she did not do this damage to herself) - but that fixing it is entirely her responsibility.

::raises hand:: Psychologist here... Some of this is really on point...some.

 

[SC_love]

Why has she suddenly gone quiet?! Doesn’t even have a lawyer telling her to shut it.

 

[Invictus]

Why has she suddenly gone quiet?! Doesn’t even have a lawyer telling her to shut it.

This is the question of the day. I feel like something must have happened. Or it's the calm before the Alice storm. She has some interesting patterns

 

[welshfitnessgirl]

Why has she suddenly gone quiet?! Doesn’t even have a lawyer telling her to shut it.

Not even a thank you video for all her “donations”

 

[Snotbuster]

But for a time on Twitter, she was seen as a "celebrity" in the political battles. I kept running across her in the Twitter circles I ran in.

But she never quite got "it". She fought with black leaders. She bashed Meghan Markle. Kind of a no no in that particular American circle. Then her infamous fight with Twitter bigshot Hoarse Whisperer. If you don't know it, it's floating in threads somewhere.

And if you notice - many of Alice's Twitter supporters are also low followed accounts within the same political demographic. So when this divorce EXPLODED, those same followers started commenting to Alice, bashing Ioan and Bianca, and Alice LOVED them. And noticed them. And it was awesome for them.

Now they can show their love at 10 dolla a pop.

They have had the time of their lives.

She was political as a stereotypical middle class white woman but was too arrogant to move beyond that role. Hence her fights with POC on Twitter--that you mentioned above. She and her followers also have a limited view of feminism- man bad, woman victim.

 

[ButterTart]

She was political as a stereotypical middle class white woman but was too arrogant to move beyond that role. Hence her fights with POC on Twitter--that you mentioned above. She and her followers also have a limited view of feminism- man bad, woman victim.

Alice has repeatedly said she doesn't consider herself a feminist. I don't think she has a clue why it actually means, so it isn't even a limited view. It's an erroneous one. She doesn't have to agree with it to understand it, but she's shown she doesn't understand it.

 

[claudiarocks]

Not even a thank you video for all her “donations”

Well we know her views on those two ‘twats’ of words

 

[tilly27]

Ioan should pay money into Ella's bank account, bet she'd

Just to warn you - I don't want to be doom and gloom, but feel it necessary - coming off duloxetine is pretty awful. I couldn't sit up for three days due to dizziness and brain zaps (something they never tell you about). Taper off as much as you can and reduce the number of grains in the capsules day by day. But it's worth it - I actually feel much better without it!
Have you tried bupenorphine patches for the pain? They're non-addictive and slow-release into the bloodstream. They really do work for chronic pain! xxx

Hey my dear @Autisteuse i hope you are well xxx
Just popping in to say I also have had terrible experiences of coming down dosage of antidepressants before switching to another. Brain zaps are the worst, feeling like you're going to fall to the floor & have a fit was my experience.

I am also on Buprenorphine, the sublingual tablets. They have helped me immensely, I also feel they calm my mood, I know they're not actually meant for that, but in my case they help calm me & make things more bearable.

I wonder if Buprenorphine has ever been a consideration for @ReturningthePearls my dear? xo

Between Buprenorphine & quetiapine have saved my life.

 

[welp]

TIL Bianca is an extra in the Elvis movie lol

hey Alice that (extra) could be a nice job: Its easy, only takes few hours and you will find plenty in LA. Also with luck you may also seduce the rich lead actor

 

[Feather fans]

It is a very interesting outlook at Alice’s reaction and possible links yo relationship with father, and like many discussed before, she probably has several disorders/issues which are made worse by (possible) alcohol / substance (pills?) overuse and social media addiction. What I always meant to say/ suggest to discuss/ ask is why, when her childhood experiences are discussed in relation to her personality formation, we always assume it is her mother who was a problem influence? I always thought: what about father? The fact the he went no contact with her doesnt mean he is a nice person himself. I remember many said two narcissists dont tend to get together (at least not for long term). But does it mean that he was a good dad to them? He could have been selfish/ emotionally unavailable/ overly critical - many things really. And if any of it is true as well as what we all suspect about het mother, Alice had no chance really did she? Im not suddenly going all swooney and sorry for her, or more like I am not trying to EXUSE her behaviour, more like wondering at the factors that made her be this way

 

[tilly27]

If following Alice has taught me anything it is to always do research before commenting on something or indeed believing anything. Since she is a prime example of how someone can Lie repeatedly & pull the wool over your eyes.

I just wish the media would follow suit

 

[Diamonds60]

Most people here agree Alice has BPD. I actually think she has ASPD. I agree though she has abandonment issues but her underlying disorder is AS. Anyway I will sit back in my corner Lol.

 

[MarkC1387]

FFS this is a person who presumably doesn't have a ton of disposable income and she's been conned into giving away her money after pay day. Disgraceful.

 

[Nesibindi]

I don’t need to shoot you.
Plastic surgeons are worth their weight in Hollywood roles.

Wowza. Girl had some massive work done and got a completely new face and chin.

 

[tilly27]

Why has she suddenly gone quiet?! Doesn’t even have a lawyer telling her to shut it.

I'm wondering if she does have a new lawyer & she's playing at being good before ripping the rug from underneath him/her?

Or trying to prove us wrong that she was gonna pull another shitstorm after the pictures of Ioan & Bianca. She'll. not be able to resist for long, but it's a coming

 

[ButterTart]

It is a very interesting outlook at Alice’s reaction and possible links yo relationship with father, and like many discussed before, she probably has several disorders/issues which are made worse by (possible) alcohol / substance (pills?) overuse and social media addiction. What I always meant to say/ suggest to discuss/ ask is why, when her childhood experiences are discussed in relation to her personality formation, we always assume it is her mother who was a problem influence? I always thought: what about father? The fact the he went no contact with her doesnt mean he is a nice person himself. I remember many said two narcissists dont tend to get together (at least not for long term). But does it mean that he was a good dad to them? He could have been selfish/ emotionally unavailable/ overly critical - many things really. And if any of it is true as well as what we all suspect about het mother, Alice had no chance really did she? Im not suddenly going all swooney and sorry for her, or more like I am not trying to EXUSE her behaviour, more like wondering at the factors that made her be this way

To misquote Groucho Marx, sometimes a bleep is just a bleep. Her father doesn't have to have a disorder or to have caused her trauma to want nothing to do with her. She's been pretty clear about her feelings toward her stepmother, and we've seen her actions. Just based on those, I can't say I blame him for cutting off contact with her. And regardless of whatever mental health issues she has or doesn't have. she is fully aware of the consequences of her actions. And proceeds anyhow. If I saw a report from a qualified mental health professional who had actually assessed her, I might feel differently, but for now, sorry. No pity from me.

 

[reenie84]

Hey, Alice, if you want me to donate I want to see the receipts that you're spending the money on food for your kids and legal help. Because I'm pretty sure people are just funding your wine habit. And fully expect in August to see you whining about not having any legal help despite having raised enough for it by then.

I would love to see some receipts, I dread to think what would be there 🫣
And yeah there are plenty of ways to make money, if I was her I’d be exhausting every option before I stooped so low.

 

[AstaLaVistaMista]

Not even a thank you video for all her “donations”

She'll do one now as soon as she reads this, obviously not something she would think to do from her own kind heart

 

[Ally Pally]

TIL Bianca is an extra in the Elvis movie lol

hey Alice that (extra) could be a nice job: Its easy, only takes few hours and you will find plenty in LA. Also with luck you may also seduce the rich lead actor

How do you know Bianca is an extra in the movie? When was it filmed?

 

[SusieTCones]

There's a musician named Amanda Palmer who people either love or hate who has mastered that parasocial relationship. Some mentioned Alice should look into a Patreon, which is what Palmer does. She's also pretty problematic and there's a super cut of her singing the n-word over and over, so she's not my bag.

A more unkind comparison be Palmer and Alice would be the very large sense of self importance and cultivating online relationships that by the very nature cannot be equal. However, Amanda palmer does indeed make music that people like and pay for. Alice doesn't even come close to that work ethic.

Palmer is also married to the phenomenally wealthy author Neil Gaiman, so the grubby nature of asking for money is a bit muted. But palmer too creates circles of fans and deep loyalty in the face of super questionable behaviour.

The core of that parasocial exchange is that it takes so little to feel so special in the presence of an arbitrary blue check. One of Alice's biggest claims to fame is the Hallmark movie. Imagine any of the other ladies who were in the show who had talent don't get that same adoration? Alice knows how to work a line.

I'm not sure if I have a point but there's other examples of people needing validation and it always seems to me to be from people who are really screwy.

Amanda Palmer, ugh, yes. Great comparison, and good point noting the difference in the work ethic. Like her or not, AFP does create content. I'd differentiate them also in that Alice seems to have a much more vindictive streak.

Maybe someone needs to start a WhatAliceEvensReallyLooksLike Instagram.

How about AliceEvansAbusesFilters

Bianca, on the other hand, is not so pretty that she would have had every opportunity handed to her on a plate, and so clearly has had to work normal jobs and develop a personality - and, of course, she has a serious illness. Many men would run a mile at that kind of diagnosis, but Ioan hasn't, which I think speaks volumes about the kind of depth of character he has. Were he just a cad and a bounder looking for a bit of no-strings fun, I'm sure he could have found any number of ditzy LA blondes for that - but that's not what he's done.

He has also selected a partner quite a lot younger, which is a very stark statement about the power dynamics he wants to leave behind. He is no longer an inexperienced adolescent needing an older woman to take charge, he is a strong and capable adult man who wants a relationship that reflects that, and with a person who respects who he is. You can just tell Bianca is not a "hen-pecker" or "ball-buster" or any of that, she seems thoughtful, serious, and polite - just like him. Unlike him and Alice, Ioan and Bianca DO look right together, and I noticed that right away - indeed (as others have said), they almost look as if they could be related, and it's not uncommon for similar looks to speak of similar personalities, and to signify a really powerful connection.

Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your perspective! This was so thoughtful and well-written--this could be the basis for a fascinating case study.

Along with Ioan & Bianca "looking right" together, I'd like to think that their personalities are a better fit too. They've both been through hard relationships, and they both seem to have more mature emotional attitudes. We all have different tolerances for Bianca's new age-y "positivity" outlook, but it's hard to deny that she comes across as gracious, kind, and friendly. Compared to the spitting cobra that is Alice, being around Bianca must feel like a day at the beach.