You’ll never be a shred like Alice because you care about your progress. Sometimes I think we treat ourselves harshly about these things because we had been counting or keeping some sort of record of how long we’d gone without the substance.
At least that’s what I did—so that that one time when I sorted through my mama’s purse like she had asked me to, accidentally found a week’s worth of pills and quietly tucked them into my pocket, and took them upstairs to my room…I felt awful because I’d broken my no-pills streak.
I don’t think time matters as much as we think it does. Sure, it’s important to an extent, but if or when we slip up it shouldn’t matter too much or we’ll drive ourselves mad with guilt. You were trying your best, and you still are, and if that doesn’t count for something then, hell, what does?
Life changes take a lot of patience. You have that patience, I know you do. I’m POSITIVE you do. And now that this has happened you’re probably even MORE determined to hang on next time. Remember this sadness for the next urge—not to beat yourself up, of course, but to ask yourself during the next urge, “Do I reallyyy wanna drink again knowing how upset I felt last time?” Often it works, because no one wants to feel frustrated again. Love you
[/SPOILER]