I am Sarahjayjay #8 She has the self-awareness of leftover bolognese

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Jelly Bean

Jelly Bean

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byefeliciax said:
I think to attract charm, humour and personality you kinda have to have charm, humour and personality.

Imagine Sarah on a dating app!

Photos: from at least a decade ago when she was 9 stone lighter, 10 years younger, and not as grey.

Bio: 45 year old SAHM of my teenage babies, DV survivor, got an English degree and dropped out of a psych masters donkeys years ago, never had a job though, don’t have any hobbies, quite like Wetherspoons when I can afford it, looking for a bloke to twat my adult son when he doesn’t put the bins out, I don’t like poor men who haven’t ever achieved anything or got their shit together by their 40s so I expect you to be minted and happy to drive me around to all of the pharmacies and Aldis in Kent and cook for me every day because I’ve got heavy periods. Not got much to bring to the table myself so hope you do. I like to talk about: myself, my self-diagnoses, my kids self-diagnoses, misguided political opinions, being poor. Don’t match me if you’re Tory.

Conversation: “I can’t really meet up with you because I don’t have a driving licence, but I’m currently crowdfunding for an intensive driving course. My BMAC link is…”
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I bet she would waffle on about her trolls endlessly too. Probably sit scrolling through Tattle to show him. Unaware it makes her look a right twat 😂
 
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MistyWindows

MistyWindows

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Okay, if she’s not sure if she can take those together I’m assuming a doctor didn’t prescribe at least one of them?
 
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mchops

mchops

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There is a whole society happy to never work and live off benefits. It's generational now and ever expanding.
 
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D

DameCarlotta

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byefeliciax said:
How does she need “more warning”? How is she 50 45 years old and still so surprised by her period? If she didn’t eat shit and sleep shit so much she would probably be more aware of her pre-menstrual symptoms.

I get loads of warning. When I was younger I used to get super instinctively horny mid cycle because obviously I was ovulating, I made that connection quite young. Nowadays I have little to no interest in sex shaving my legs so my brain and body are working together on a new tactic: for two days of every month I feel so fucking empty and alone. It’s like my biology is still trying to trick me into seeking out companionship while I’m fertile; sneaky sneaky! But I’m in tune with my body and mind so I can rationalise it and I don’t go out looking to get knocked up like it wants me to! I track my period in an app as well so whenever I feel that way I have a little look at my app and lo and behold I am in my “predicted fertile window”. I just know.

From that point onwards I can prepare myself for it all to go downhill. I cry at photos of my kids when they were small and feel broody as hell even though I don’t want more kids - once again a biological trick to lure me into procreating before my fertile window ends! Then my boobs ache. I get super hungry for energy dense foods. I get cravings for crappy foods I wouldn’t eat all day every day otherwise. I feel fatigued. I get headaches and brain fog. Then my fuse shortens and shortens and shortens until about two days before my period I will fly off the handle at the stupidest of things and just cry on the kitchen floor because the milk is out of date. I keep a low profile if I can at that point because I know I can be ‘snappy’. I also give myself some extra compassion, rest, and calorie allowance.

I just think it’s so odd that she doesn’t recognise the pattern of her moods/appetite/other symptoms and that her period creeps up on her like it does every single time. My cycle isn’t regular either, but because I’m in tune with the hormonal shifts in my body it doesn’t need to arrive every 28 days on the dot to be predictable.

Maybe if she actually tuned into her body instead of Twitter and tracked her symptoms she’d be able to recognise that actually, it’s probably a good idea to stay off the internet for a couple of days while she’s in a hormonal headspace. It’s all very normal and natural to lose your shit a bit around the time of your period, but it’s hella embarrassing to keep having public tantrums and batshit tweeting to yourself for 48 straight hours without a break.

She needs to prepare better, and look after herself more. Now might be a good time to seek some advice about menopause too, and how best to fuel her body and hormones.

ETA: Ironically shes now tweeting #periodawareness, after not being aware that her own period was on its way and not being prepared with sanitary products either. Angling for a freebie from Waitrose?
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catching up, so apologies if it’s been covered

but for someone who suffers ’so terribly’ with her ‘monthlies’ I’m astounded that Sarah hasn’t got an extra stash!?

ok, I use reusable so I’m never without (I couldn’t afford to keep buying over priced disposable, plus the environmental impact and the fact they are filled with chemicals so not good for your body) but before I made the switch and was using disposable I always had an extra stash as I have a condition that quite frankly causes carnage in in that department.

who only has enough sanitary wear for their current period? Is this a thing?

(really poverty aside, of course)
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byefeliciax said:
I’m going to attempt to offer Sarah some kindness.

Sarah, if you happen to read this although I’m 99.99% sure you won’t because you don’t read Tattle, this is your prompt to book a driving lesson. Today.

I’ll even give a breakdown of how it can be done because I acknowledge you seem to think your way out of everything that could benefit your lives and you get overwhelmed with finding solutions:

If you don’t already have an instructor in mind, post on your local Facebook page, much like you did when you were looking for a carpet layer to say, “Hi, can anyone recommend a local driving instructor?”

People will then flood you with suggestions. Try and pick one or two who have had the most recommendations and drop them a text. I say ‘text’ because if they’re with students they might not be able to take your call.

“Hi, my name is Sarah and I’m interested in starting some driving lessons with you. Please could you give me a call at your earliest convenience to discuss your prices and availability? Many thanks.”

When they call, ask what they charge and whether they offer discount for block-booking.

It might be steeper to pay up front and have a short month where you cook budget meals, but it’ll save longer-term money. If that’s really out the question, then try and budget for an hour a week. Lessons are about £50 an hour now, so that’s about £200 a month, but you said you’re close to being test-ready already so it shouldn’t be long that you need to make some sacrifices. Cancel all your needless subscriptions temporarily and put up with the £20 “slower” broadband deal for a couple of months. That’s £70 freed up. Take some walks to the shops, or send your sons, that will probably save £80+ on taxi fares. Be a bit more frugal about shopping and utilise your budget cooking - you will easily be able to shave £50-£100 off your shopping bill. This is so so so doable. Yes it might mean “going without” a few extra treats but think about it, short term sacrifice will lead you to a longer term gain. FREEDOM. You have to start living like nobody is coming with a wad of cash to bail you out, you’ve got to do some sums and make it work with what you already have.

Next, ask the instructor if you can book your first lesson for the first week of May which is 3 weeks away. It’s likely they wouldn’t be able to get you booked in immediately anyway if they’re popular/busy. It also gives you chance for your ‘payday’ to come around and for your period to be gone and your iron tablets to kick in.

Next, get your theory test booked for in a couple of month’s time. It’s about £30 I think. There’s an app you can get (£4.99) to refresh your memory and do mock tests. I think it’s called ‘Theory Test 4 in 1’. If you book it for the summer you can get some practice at it, and some driving practice with an instructor in, before you do your theory. If you fail it, book it again straight away. Just keep trying. You’ll get there.

If you can’t afford a driving lesson per week (you can though, you can make it happen with being a bit stricter for just a couple of months) then try one or two a month. Your progress will be slower but it’ll still be progress.

You already have a car, imagine the freedom of being able to hop in it and go places! Not just shopping either. I know you said you really wanted to go on lovely walks and see waterfalls. I’ve googled. There are lots of locations in Kent you could do this if you could drive there, your summer holidays could be filled with nature walks and wild swimming and picnics with your lads. You could probably fill your petrol tank twice and a bit for what it costs to go on the train for a big day out once. You can think about your career a bit more too, once you can get out and about on your own terms a bit more. You can start off with some volunteering somewhere to ease your way back into a routine and remember who the fuck your are and what you can achieve. Bonus as well: Nobody at the McDonalds drive-thru knows/cares if you’re in your pyjamas and have nipped out for a McFlurry and a doughnut during your time of the month. Just imagine how your life could look! You’ll be able to say a big ‘F U’ to everyone who ever doubted you too, you can drive past all your haters like yeah, I did it, I fucking did it, look at me taking my life in my own hands like the legend I am. Toot, toot motherfuckers!

Think about your twins as well. You can be their “chariot” to pick them up from their sleepovers. Also, what are they, nearly 14? If you pass your test this year, you will be “qualified” enough to sit with a learner driver in 3 years. That means that when your twins are 17 you will be able to help them to learn to drive too! How amazing would that be! You can help them to gain independence and freedom for themselves, it’ll be the best gift you ever gave them. It’ll only be a couple of years now before they’re wanting to go out with their mates. Imagine how much they’ll all love that Choppy and Squish’s mum has said she will pick them all up from the club at 3AM to save them on a taxi and how much they will shower you with drunken appreciation. You’ll get to be the first to hear all of their hilarious stories from their night out while they’re all still pissed. What a laugh and a treat!

Honestly, the doors this will open for you…

Just do it Sarah. Don’t think about it, don’t hesitate and try and find a million and one reasons why you can’t. Just for today, take can’t out of your vocabulary and post that Facebook group post asking for driving instructor recommendations. Get that first lesson booked. The only stalling I wanna read about is the car, not your motivation. If you feel nervous that you might be a bit rusty, that’s normal. Your instructor isn’t expecting you to be perfect, your instructor won’t even care that you’re still without a full licence at 45 if that’s what’s holding you back. They get loads of mature learners. You absolutely can do this. TODAY. NOW. RIGHT NOW. You got this 💪

To do today:
1. Ask Facebook for driving instructors
2. Book a lesson for May
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I love this! ❤
 
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