Honeymoon money as a present - how much would you give?

[Tilly Kister]

I am going to be maid of honour for my best friend soon. They want honeymoon money as a present. How much do you think is appropriate? She is a bit snobby! Also my husband is attending too if that influences decisions.
Thanks in advance for any pointers, I am awful with stuff like this!

She can't be too snobby if she's willing to beg for holiday spends because they've over extended themselves on the wedding costs.

Call me old fashioned but I don't give a damn how commonplace it's become to ask for money instead of wedding gifts. It's a rude, crude, crass and tacky thing to do. They'd be getting a toast rack or a set of candle sticks off me & if they didn't like it they could shove both the gift and the "friendship".

 

[DCICassieStuart]

She can't be too snobby if she's willing to beg for holiday spends because they've over extended themselves on the wedding costs.

Call me old fashioned but I don't give a damn how commonplace it's become to ask for money instead of wedding gifts. It's a rude, crude, crass and tacky thing to do. They'd be getting a toast rack or a set of candle sticks off me & if they didn't like it they could shove both the gift and the "friendship".

I completely agree. I got a wedding invitation a few years ago which stipulated "No gifts. Cash only". Not even a please! I didn't go to the wedding (not just because of this, I didn't particularly like the couple) and didn't give them anything either.
I found out afterwards that they'd invited almost 300 people purely in the hope of getting a huge amount of cash. Less than 80 people actually went

 

[DCICassieStuart]

It's not crass at all, many couples are living together before they get married these days and so don't need a gift list in it's traditional sense. Some views on here are out dated and old fashioned.

It's rude to point out that you want 'money only'. It puts a lot on pressure who may not be able to afford to give a large amount as a gift.

When we got married we didn't mention anything about gifts or cash (I imagine most couples don't) We were living together before we got married and I would say we probably got about 80% cash/20% gifts, and the gifts were mostly from older people.

I have no problem with giving money as a gift (it's what I always do) but I think it's rude to ask for it.

 

[Tilly Kister]

[


You seem too nice to be her friend! Why waste your time on someone who looks down on you? That isn’t a good friend. I wouldn’t even give her a fiver.

Absolutely this. In fact what I'd do is something I did once to my stuck up sister in law who did ask for money and she gave the reason a few here have given "We have everything we could possibly need and I don't want anything mismatched."

So I found an organisation which provided people in developing countries with seed and livestock, bought a small community of women living with AIDS in Namibia two milking goats and donated them in her name. They sent a very sweet little certificate of thanks and I put that in the card.

She was horrified and I was wildly amused. I said to her "But you said you had everything you need so I figured you didn't need the money either."

 

[avabella]

Am I the only weirdo? I didn't mention gifts AT ALL on my invitations but told my inlaws and family to spread the word that no gifts were necessary, we just wanted people there.

 

[Lht30]

It's rude to point out that you want 'money only'. It puts a lot on pressure who may not be able to afford to give a large amount as a gift.

When we got married we didn't mention anything about gifts or cash (I imagine most couples don't) We were living together before we got married and I would say we probably got about 80% cash/20% gifts, and the gifts were mostly from older people.

I have no problem with giving money as a gift (it's what I always do) but I think it's rude to ask for it.

It really isn't, most people will expect to buy a gift when they attend a wedding & would rather it be something useful/that the couple want. I also think these days people do stray from gift lists/requests & buy what they feel comfortable with. A friend of mine is getting married abroad, charging people £50 per head to attend the wedding breakfast on top of their travelling/accommodation expenses & asked for money in their invitation-now that is plain rude. This trip has cost us the best part of £1500 & I know for sure I won't be buying anything but a card!

 

[Lht30]

It's not crass at all, many couples are living together before they get married these days and so don't need a gift list in it's traditional sense. Some views on here are out dated and old fashioned.

Whenever we've given money we have often done it as a friendship group, could you club together with other friends going to the wedding? The other thing you could do is once the honeymoon is booked is gift them vouchers for an experience while they are away, I bought a champagne afternoon tea for my friend and her husband while they were touring Scotland and in Edinburgh.

If those aren't possibilities, just because she has asked for money, it doesn't mean you have to do that, just buy a nice gift anyway.

Don't feel you have to spend a lot, these events do put unnecessary pressure on, spend what you can afford, we all have a snobby friends but you shouldn't be judged.

 

[isabellalovescats]

I am going to be maid of honour for my best friend soon. They want honeymoon money as a present. How much do you think is appropriate? She is a bit snobby! Also my husband is attending too if that influences decisions.
Thanks in advance for any pointers, I am awful with stuff like this!

Why would anyone ask for honeymoon money from a maid of honour? I don’t get it! As a MoH, you’re already investing a lot of time, energy, and effort into her wedding. Are you comfortable with giving her what she asks for?

 

[Barbie2020]

[

I think I’m going to go with £100… she is my oldest friend but a huge snob (I say that only partially with love ) and does have a bit of a tendency to think she’s above me (gets it from her mother and trying to impress her well off fiancé!) I know in my heart of hearts that whatever I give probably won’t be enough, she does seem to look down on me and will assume my amount is tight no matter what it is glad the common consensus seems to be that will be enough! We are paying to travel to the destination, and myself and another bridesmaid split the cost of her hen do between us (was just us 3, was super small as in raging COVID times)

thank you so much for the advice! I’ll jump back on and let you know how she reacts…

You seem too nice to be her friend! Why waste your time on someone who looks down on you? That isn’t a good friend. I wouldn’t even give her a fiver.

 

[Tilly Kister]

This is a really tough one. We too asked our guests for money and that was only because of pressure from my husband, I too believe it’s a crass thing to do and I still wish we hadn’t done it.
It depends how much money you have invested in the wedding, have you planned the hen do? Had to buy your own dress/makeup? These are all things to take into consideration xxx

I'd have given you a gift, love. And it wouldn't have been "a bit of tat" as one poster here so charmingly described the standard of taste she expects of her own social circle. I would have taken great trouble to choose something which I knew you'd love and would want to keep for many years.

I'm sat here right now looking at some of my own wedding gifts. A lovely rosewood desktop writing set which my darling old Aunt proudly told everyone at the reception "Only cost ten quid at auction!" A pair of pewter candlesticks from my husband's Grandparents. They had received them for their own wedding over sixty years before. They weren't in a position to get a showy gift so they had given us something that was more precious than anything money could buy. I remember weeping in awe as we opened them, knowing how much they treasured those candlesticks and what their willingness to pass them onto us meant. It meant they had accepted me as one of their own.

My daughter now has a hand carved camphor laurel chest to store her linen in, which was given to us by my best friend from school days. She died of cancer 15 years ago but she's still here, caring for us, making sure our linens & blankets are safe from being eaten by moths and silverfish. Two crystal vases sit on the mantelpiece. They have held many blossoms over the years. Some of them purchased at posh florists and rather grand. But many more were bedraggled dandelions and nearly blown roses, picked by childish hands on rambles. Both the flowers and the vessels were given with much love and have long brightened our home with the light from it.

Will any of these people sit, in 20 or 30 years time, pointing to the pound notes they were so thirsty for and say "Oh that was from....and when she gave it, I knew I was loved."?

 

[Blue pumpkin]

Just give her the amount you would have spent in a present.

She's basically going begging...asking for charity.
Someone specifically asking for money as a gift is in no position to criticise the amount you give anyway. She should gratefully accept what is given just like a charity would. No donation too big or too small.

 

[turkeydinosaurs]

I would rather people ask for money. It’s easier! What’s the point in buying stuff people don’t need or want?
I was in this position a couple of years back with my best friend. We gave them £200.
My friend didn’t expect a certain amount. They were thrilled and booked a day trip on their honeymoon with what we gave them, it was nice of them to send us pictures of what they did with the money.
That being said I could’ve given them a tenner and they’d be grateful.

 

[Hendrix]

Giving money is fine unless the bride and groom split up on the wedding night and then don’t refund the money gifted..

True story!

 

[Pinkii]

Very mumsnetty answers on this thread in regards to gifts rather than money

 

[avabella]

Same. We had quite a small wedding and said we didn’t want gifts just happy they could come to the wedding which was on a week day so a lot of guests had to take the day off work.

But we did still get some gifts and some gave money because I don’t think they were comfortable coming empty handed.

I’m not a fan of when people ask for money towards their honeymoon etc. We didn’t even have a honeymoon! I’m also not a fan of people spending an absolute fortune on their wedding.

My friend got married a few years ago and asked for money and then moaned about the small amount most guests gave!

I had a friend (and I use the term loosely) who not only put some crappy poem in her invites, but a PAYPAL link to send the money to!!!

 

[Blue pumpkin]

I'd rather have no honeymoon than ask people for money towards one.
It's no different to a gofundme beg.

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

I’ve been thinking about this and I think gift registry’s are worse and more beggy than asking for money even though they are more socially acceptable. Usually the registry is at John Lewis or somewhere equally as unaffordable and you end up spending £50 on a fucking gravy boat. Giving money is better because you have more control over how much you give, rather than trying to find what ever is on their list that is within your budget, and they can make better use of the money and probably wouldn’t spend it all on a gravy boat.

One couple I bought a registry gift for have now divorced so who knows what happened to my gift.

 

[Walter's toupee]

I went to a family members wedding in May I gave £50 and I also took a card with money inside from my mum. She never got a thank you and I regret giving £50 now.

 

[NapQueenReturns]

I’d rather people ask for money, makes life easier for me. How the frig am I supposed to know what to get them, otherwise?

30 quid in a card, job done.

 

[CaroleBaskinDidIt]

Weddings really do bring out the worst in people, I had a friend tell me explicitly that she expected to see money in our card at her wedding “because I gave you money when you got engaged” (she did a collection at work, and in reality contributed £10 to it). I gave her the exact sum I had received and have not spoken to her since.

Me and my husband eloped, and every time I hear any sort of wedding story I feel more and more smug about it.

In actual answer to your question though - I reckon £50 max, but only if you genuinely want to and know it will be gratefully received.