Holly Gabrielle #5 Still lives like a nun, doesn't allow herself any fun

[YellowLadybird]

Yes this - I honestly still can't get over the fact that Holly has decided to live in her parents' house and do Youtube as a full-time job - after studying very hard to get into Cambridge, getting into Cambridge (aka one of the best universities in the world), putting a frankly insane amount of time and energy into her studies, graduating top of her class, applying for a competitive postgrad program in Cancer, studying very hard for a year, completing a research project, receiving her Master's degree from UCL - to then become a youtuber. What an anticlimactic career trajectory.

Plus I'd argue that you can become a youtuber/social media influencer without a university degree. And there are probably quite a few people who also applied for a spot on that UCL program and didn't get in - people who were probably really disappointed by that because they were intent on pursuing a career as a cancer researcher... And meanwhile, you have Holly who completed that degree with great grades and is now using her degree to... film herself talking about her body hair for a living. :/ (Sorry, I'm just salty today)

I can't believe that she and her sister BOTH got into Cambridge and seem to have done nothing with their degree and the opportunities it provides. At this point they seem like active advertisements AGAINST the university. I don't get why you would squander all those opportunities and just do nothing.

She seems very focussed on "period back = end of recovery". I remember getting my period back while still being slightly underweight and thinking that that meant that my body weight was restored and recovery completed. Only after I developed binge eating I realized that the weight on which I got my period back was still artificially low and I had no way of actually eating intuitively in which I could stay at it. Now I'm 10+ kilos above that weight and my body feels 100x healthier. I dislike her focus on it since it can trigger other people in recovery thinking that getting your period back is the "end point", which will only cause more disordered eating since it's not your natural weight and you'll have to keep restricting to stay at it.

People's bodies are very different - whilst not getting your period is bad, for some people it takes very little physiological stress to induce that, and others would still be menstruating whilst at death's door. I have been on contraception that should prevent periods for half my adult life and my body still determinedly gives me one every month. I swear she won't give up on reminding me that I should get pregnant.

 

[Underjoyed]

People's bodies are very different - whilst not getting your period is bad, for some people it takes very little physiological stress to induce that, and others would still be menstruating whilst at death's door. I have been on contraception that should prevent periods for half my adult life and my body still determinedly gives me one every month. I swear she won't give up on reminding me that I should get pregnant.

Yeah it's simply not at all indicative of your physical health or your recovery process.

 

[emm]

Yeah it's simply not at all indicative of your physical health or your recovery process.

Agreed, I think what is indicative of recovery is your mentality/comfort around eating, clearly which she doesn;t have

 

[seosamh]

I’m being super lazy and not reading back through all old threads but with her recent videos and comments made on here recently, does she have any friends? Thoughts on her family aside, it seems unusual that she spends the majority of her time in her bedroom and only ever speaks of her family. Surely at school or UG uni she will have made some friends? She just strikes me as being very lonely and so uses study, food and exercise as a way of making her day structured, purposeful and to hide/squash down the loneliness/isolation? And the more she does it, the more she has to keep doing it and the more insular her life becomes. I’m not a fan of hers and feel many of her videos and actions are damaging, but something about her recent posts have actually made me feel a little sad for her? And that is something I never thought I would say

I feel similarly to you. I used to think that she was arrogant, but now I am seeing her insecurity and loneliness, and the sad side of her situation. After all that academic success, she’s choosing to just stay at home exercising and making videos of herself (and making videos of herself exercising). It is sad, and I hope she will choose a different life for herself eventually.

Related to this: I watched (most of) her 23 things she learned by 23 video (I know, why ) and one was that she ‘doesn’t need to be part of a friendship group’. She mentioned she’d always had trouble making friends, and always wondered why people didn’t want to be friends with her… It was uncomfortable to watch, actually; I felt like I was hearing things meant for a therapist, not an audience of strangers. Of course, this has been said many times of her content…

Not related to this: also in that ‘23 things’ video (during the part when she talks rather unconvincingly about ‘views and likes not mattering’, about study-related content having been how she built up her ‘brand’ and that having to change) she says ‘I love what I do, I love sharing my life online’. It’s crazy to me that we live in a world in which those two things can be equated. It’s one thing to make vlogs about your life if you’re doing something interesting, but we’ve got to the point that vlogging your life as a vlogger at home can be an occupation, the answer to the question ‘What do you do?’. Even if, as just mentioned by YellowLadybird, you’ve graduated from Cambridge…

 

[Pucharr]

Gosh! Can she stop with the injury whining now?
Why wouldn't she just simply rest it instead of going on and on about how it's so bad and how she wants to be careful! Like just bleeping don't exercise for a week woman! Or simply stop mentioning it destroy your body as you usually like to do. So annoying to see someone do that and be so rigid headed about exercise

 

[xoxoxo13]

Gosh! Can she stop with the injury whining now?
Why wouldn't she just simply rest it instead of going on and on about how it's so bad and how she wants to be careful! Like just bleeping don't exercise for a week woman! Or simply stop mentioning it destroy your body as you usually like to do. So annoying to see someone do that and be so rigid headed about exercise

Her ED voice must be so bad and it must scream at her if she doesn't work out. That's the only explanation I can find. Or it's it's exercise addiction.

 

[raven9283]

In her recent videos Holly emphasises over and over that they are adult life routines and it's quite ironic since absolutely nothing in her routine has changed in the past years. It's almost like she really needs to convince herself that she's an adult because nothing in her life points to it. Most people her age have their own life, a job, some kind of social life (friends and/or partner), their own space (even if just a flat share). No one needs to have all that or be super independent but in her case she's completely stuck in her own little bubble.

I agree entirely that she would benefit so much of moving out or even just having a "normal" job. I understand not giving up the Youtube career because it's very lucrative, but imagine having degrees from 2 top universities in a field that she seems to be passionate about and not using it? Holly seems to be obsessed with control and terrified of failure and that makes her an A student and good at achieving tangible goals (ie running a marathon, learning a language etc) but stops her from engaging in several normal activities - in a job, one might even be a top technical person but everybody still needs to interact with managers and co workers, deal with conflicting expectations or navigate the company politics etc and I reckon she's terrified of having so many variables out of her hands.

Making friends as an adult (ha!) is definitely harder, but what's her plan? To live at home indefinitely? Her siblings, even her sister, are going to move out eventually. I can't possibly believe that she expects to navigate life without building any long lasting relationships outside of her immediate family - and I'm not necessarily talking about a romantic relationship here. Ironically, if she was around more people she would realise how she's putting a lot of her privileges to a waste.

I don't think Holly is a bad person, I do think she would benefit a lot from talking therapy.

 

[teflonpanda]

I don't think Holly is a bad person, I do think she would benefit a lot from talking therapy.

Yeah that's honestly one of the most frustrating things about Holly imho - in one of her recent videos she said she would be open to eventually getting therapy at some point in the future maybe, because she thinks it could still be helpful for her maybe even though she's recovered now. But the thing is, Holly has been talking about wanting to go to therapy for literal years now! It consistently shows up in her videos about 'goals' and 'habits' as a thing she's planning to do at some point in the near future, but then she never follows through with it for some reason.

It's quite bizarre really - all other items on her lists of goals get ticked off no matter what (injured foot? well gotta run that marathon anyway cause that's one of the goals for 2021!) but the therapy goal just sort of stays there. It really sends the implicit message to viewers that therapy is optional but daily exercising even while injured is not.

(Also I just don't understand it - why doesn't she just give it a go? It's not like she's too poor to afford it! And she wouldn't have to talk about it on her channel at all if she doesn't want to, she could just go get therapy and be quiet about it if she prefers that. If she doesn't want to do in-person therapy, surely she could get online therapy over Zoom or sth? Like I genuinely can't think of a single reason why she doesn't do it)

 

[blmrqslm]

(Also I just don't understand it - why doesn't she just give it a go? It's not like she's too poor to afford it! And she wouldn't have to talk about it on her channel at all if she doesn't want to, she could just go get therapy and be quiet about it if she prefers that. If she doesn't want to do in-person therapy, surely she could get online therapy over Zoom or sth? Like I genuinely can't think of a single reason why she doesn't do it)

Maybe her mother convinced her that she doesn't need it?

 

[emm]

it seems so odd to just "wait" to do therapy, there is no benefit not starting as soon as you consider it imo

 

[raven9283]

Some people are scared of therapy because it entails exposing yourself and sharing a lot of your life with another person (who is a qualified professional and has a confidentiality commitment to their patients, but still) but she already exposes so much of her life online. I'd be mortified if strangers knew so much about my life and insecurities as her audience knows about her.

Holly has a hard time admitting that she has problems - I mean, she always talked about her ED in the past, as if she had overcome it when in reality it was (is?) pretty much still a present thing. I believe that in her mind getting therapy means admitting that something in her life in not perfect and needs changing but I wouldn't discard her family discouraging her as mentioned above. I even wouldn't put it past them to make little "jokes" about her being "crazy" if she actually goes ahead it. I do hope that one day she gets the strength to look past them.

 

[hpprotego]

I wouldn't discard her family discouraging her as mentioned above. I even wouldn't put it past them to make little "jokes" about her being "crazy" if she actually goes ahead it. I do hope that one day she gets the strength to look past them.

thing is, her family were who encouraged her and brought her to therapy the first time she tried it back when she was 16/17. She went for a few (I think? Maybe even just one) sessions and then decided it ‘wasn’t for her’.

when it gets down to the nitty gritty of life and self reflection she just doesn’t commit. She got ‘better’ the first time round because she wanted to be allowed to go to university. She did the bare minimum to allow herself to live in order to get that first class degree.

Now, as ‘adult life’ is hitting her, she’s becoming lost. She makes ‘adulting’ videos (when they’re just the same as her old ones) and pretends like everything is okay. However, if she doesn’t have anything to work towards, like a grade, or completing a marathon, she crumbles.

We saw it first hand after she graduated. She had a breakdown. It’ll happen again unless she actually invests in something that’ll be rewarding for her. She should expand her tutoring business, or get a full time job, go to therapy and move out. She needs help with understanding that work isn’t everything, and neither are grades or ‘being the best’. She needs to properly reset her routines or she’ll be miserable forever.

 

[lemonlime]

Maybe her mother convinced her that she doesn't need it?

Very possible.

Spoiler: boring personal reference

My mother doesn't 'believe' in depression or therapy, all through my childhood I've heard that therapy is scam and people can sort their problems if they put their mind to it. No need to mention that never getting help isn't serving her well, but I'm glad I went to therapy after years of depression and social anxiety, despite this ingrained idea that it doesn't work. It does work, you just need the right therapist and the right attitude.

Back to topic!

 

[zheppy]

i feel bad for holly in her latest video, 23 years old and doesnt understand her own vagina. fair enough not being able to insert a menstrual cup its tricky when you first do it but when she said she had to go look at some cartoons so she could understand what was going on down there... poor woman

 

[teflonpanda]

i feel bad for holly in her latest video, 23 years old and doesnt understand her own vagina. fair enough not being able to insert a menstrual cup its tricky when you first do it but when she said she had to go look at some cartoons so she could understand what was going on down there... poor woman

Yeah it was not a struggle with the cup specifically, she could literally not find the vaginal opening

And I think for once her mom made a sensible suggestion when she said Holly should try tampons first before trying the cup cause inserting tampons is easier for beginners imho. But then again what do I know, cause according to Dude Emily, tampons contain bleach and other bad chemicals and are dangerous for you because they cause toxic shock, dry out your vagina, and cause cuts in your vaginal walls due to the dryness. That coupled with Holly's intense gratefulness at having her sister's guidance was just too much for me.

And honestly I wouldn't mind the general weirdness half as much if Holly was not presenting the whole thing as a kind of advice video for young people! I mean come on Holly, you clearly have A Lot to figure out on that front (which is fine) but maybe don't try and make like, tutorial videos about something you don't know much about. God that whole video was just. Something else.

I guess we can just be glad Holly didn't become a doctor like she originally planned to cause Jesus that would've been awkward

[Though off topic and for the record, I think menstrual cups are really cool and useful and certainly better for the environment than tampons! Don't let Holly's video put you off trying one if you want to lmao]

Edit: Also the way Holly feels like she has to turn herself into laughing stock for her family's benefit by joking about how she doesn't know anything about her own anatomy like it's the most hilarious thing in the world... while she didn't have a period for like seven years and her mom clearly did nothing much to help her :/ And then makes fun of her when Holly says or does sth that makes it clear she hasn't had a normal puberty or development as a consequence of her mental illness... tit's fucked man.

 

[xoxoxo13]

I think her mom is in denial. Mostly because she appears to have an ED herself. And acnowledging she's had a negative impact on her daughters implies admitting to her ED, and to her bad parenting. From experience, toxic parents would cut off their own arm before admitting they did anything wrong.

 

[caterday28]

I actually quite liked the menstrual cup video! Though her understanding of her vagina reminded me of my own when I was, like, 13. At least she was honest.

 

[emm]

I actually quite liked the menstrual cup video! Though her understanding of her vagina reminded me of my own when I was, like, 13. At least she was honest.

i thought her sister's explanation of how to insert it was really good, but as you say her lack of knowledge of her own anatomy is really bizarre

 

[xoxoxo13]

i thought her sister's explanation of how to insert it was really good, but as you say her lack of knowledge of her own anatomy is really bizarre

shouldn't she have studied human biology at some point? she studied biology right?

 

[teflonpanda]

shouldn't she have studied human biology at some point? she studied biology right?

Well to quote Holly - "But I'm a cell biologist! I'm not a female body part biologist!" xD