Helen Anderson #9 had a threesome, kind of..

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I was listening to a Christmas playlist the other day and Step Into Christmas came on. The image of Helen waking up to that song (as mentioned in her vlogmas the other day) came into my head. I had pictures of her gurning at Phil and screeching along to the words. I started cringing... I had to turn it off πŸ˜‚
It's mine and my husband’s alarm during December, has been for years. I refuse to let her ruin it πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
 
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"Tattle seyz I luk bauld wiv ma air up, so I'm gunna show dem by wearin me air up even moor... I like ta fil da breeze on ma bald patch."

Her ponytail looks as dead and lifeless as her eyes. She's in desperate need of a good hair cut.
 
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"Tattle seyz I luk bauld wiv ma air up, so I'm gunna show dem by wearin me air up even moor... I like ta fil da breeze on ma bald patch."

Her ponytail looks as dead and lifeless as her eyes. She's in desperate need of a good hair cut.
The absolute duck is that face she's pulling?!

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Are they actively trying to look like weird, pouting big toes? πŸ˜‚ They look beyond ridiculous. How can you be that self-obsessed, spend that much time taking photos of yourself and editing the hell out of them, and STILL post such awful pictures?
 
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@vickingvicky As a florist I can confirm yours is bloody brilliant! The shape of hers made me want to burn it.

I cannot stand the smug selfie shot, it does not make your lips look bigger, your face thinner, nor sexy or mysterious. It makes you look like you're trying to think of a word you've forgotten and now that's all you can focus on.. staring off into the camera trying to remember that word that you can neither spell or pronounce properly.
 
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@vickingvicky As a florist I can confirm yours is bloody brilliant! The shape of hers made me want to burn it.

I cannot stand the smug selfie shot, it does not make your lips look bigger, your face thinner, nor sexy or mysterious. It makes you look like you're trying to think of a word you've forgotten and now that's all you can focus on.. staring off into the camera trying to remember that word that you can neither spell or pronounce properly.
"Smug selfie shot"... that's it! It's that smug expression that just makes a bad photo look even worse! Totally using that term from now on!
 
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I know I've said it before but I really can't believe Helen is younger than me. Her skin has aged terrible.
 
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Holy photoshopped jawline Batman
I don't get why she doesn't Photoshop out her nasolabial folds. I know it's just a natural part of ageing, but like @SHEEP said, I can't believe she's younger than me looking at her skin. I have noticed that on GRWM videos she seems to be very rough when she's putting on makeup or skincare.
 
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Helen 'I'm gonna upload at 6pm' Anderz is an hour and a half late...
 
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Awkward that baldy hairup pic only got 4000 likes so she shoves it on her story to try and get more likes... get the hint Helen, it’s not a good picture
 
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Can you recommend some brands of clothes you like? I really struggle to find nice flattering stuff. I carry my weight round my middle too
I buy standard high street clothes - most of my stuff is from Primark, H&M, New Look and Sainsbury’s Tu. I’m not averse to a charity shop/second hand bargain either. H&M do a range called L.O.G.G that I like and tends to work well for me. It’s not so much about clothing brands as knowing what shapes/cuts/fabrics work, so I have some β€˜rules’ that I follow wherever I get clothes from that I don’t tend to deviate from.
  1. I rarely tuck tops in and if I do I bag the top out over the waistband a bit
  2. I avoid very thin or flimsy fabrics - my tummy needs a bit of structure!
  3. I never wear tube/straight dresses (like the jumper dress Helen was wearing in her video) - shirt dresses, wrap dresses or a line dresses work better, but I avoid anything really baggy
  4. I always observe the loose top/slim bottoms or slim top/looser bottom rule
  5. High rise jeans and flat fronted trousers work well, I tend to go for jeans and trousers that sit just below the belly button
  6. I don’t wear a lot of skirts but pleated and a line skirts are good, again nothing that is straight or clingy (which is a shame because I love a pencil skirt)
  7. Ruching and draping is brilliant for disguising a tummy
  8. I look things for skim the body, rather than cling
  9. I don’t wear anything double breasted or with a tie belt
  10. Golden rule - I make sure it fits well, not too tight but not too baggy either, a good fit on the shoulders and waist are especially important.
I’m sorry I don’t have any brands beyond the norm to recommend (and I realise that my list is horrible for anyone who is very anti fast fashion/high street) but hopefully the β€˜rules’ might be of some use.
 
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This is going to sound really petty and a rant, but I'm absolutely pissed at how easy her life is and how much money she makes.

I'm in a very good position as a person - well paid, own my own home by myself (well with the lovely bank) etc. But I probably make a 1/3-1/4 of what Helen does, and have to actually pay for all the tit I want.

I'm currently dealing with the stress of managing a team of 6 people, all doing different roles, whilst simultaneously setting up an online, national service, with website and full IT/CRM system across a company of 100+ people, with 200k+ customer records. Obviously vague - but I'm working 10 hours a day, constant stress and directors bearing down my neck constantly. I'm fully aware I'm doing a lot better than many people across the country at the moment, so I try not to moan and keep it all in. But I wish my working day consisted of making wreathes and taking photos on walks and editing videos. And I wish all my Christmas gifts could come from PR I don't want. I wish I had enough money in the bank to just "pop to Waitrose" 2-3 times a week for pointless tit. I wish my biggest gripe in life was "wah tattle is complaining about me going out during COVID".

I've followed Helen ever since Tumblr and her first hair tutorial. I always thought she was so down to earth and realistic until the last 2-3 years. I stopped following her during the wedding planning year, but started again after Maff left as I felt connected to her again. But jesus - this year has been super eye opening with how disconnected from the real world she is.

Apologies, guys. Rant over.
 
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This is going to sound really petty and a rant, but I'm absolutely pissed at how easy her life is and how much money she makes.

I'm in a very good position as a person - well paid, own my own home by myself (well with the lovely bank) etc. But I probably make a 1/3-1/4 of what Helen does, and have to actually pay for all the tit I want.

I'm currently dealing with the stress of managing a team of 6 people, all doing different roles, whilst simultaneously setting up an online, national service, with website and full IT/CRM system across a company of 100+ people, with 200k+ customer records. Obviously vague - but I'm working 10 hours a day, constant stress and directors bearing down my neck constantly. I'm fully aware I'm doing a lot better than many people across the country at the moment, so I try not to moan and keep it all in. But I wish my working day consisted of making wreathes and taking photos on walks and editing videos. And I wish all my Christmas gifts could come from PR I don't want. I wish I had enough money in the bank to just "pop to Waitrose" 2-3 times a week for pointless tit. I wish my biggest gripe in life was "wah tattle is complaining about me going out during COVID".

I've followed Helen ever since Tumblr and her first hair tutorial. I always thought she was so down to earth and realistic until the last 2-3 years. I stopped following her during the wedding planning year, but started again after Maff left as I felt connected to her again. But jesus - this year has been super eye opening with how disconnected from the real world she is.

Apologies, guys. Rant over.
I think we all feel this way. I get really pissed off at influencers when a surprise bill puts me on my arse, even though I'm doing okay and I've been working since I was 15, yet influencers get everything for free and ridiculous spon payments. However, they must feel so empty. They must know that what they're doing is vapid and pointless. Sadly, we don't live in a meritocracy, but I know that doing a hard day's work and working towards worthwhile things HAS to be better than what these influencers have.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're having a stressful time at work. You're doing really well - keep your chin up! ❀❀❀
 
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VIDEO SUMMARY:
Vlogmas Day 6
The Christmas Spreadsheet

Helga seems to have fallen off the schedule train already, does she upload at 9pm? 6pm? Who the duck knows anymore. Maybe the element of surprise is supposed to be fun?

Judging by the title of this vlog WE ARE IN FOR A TREAAAAAT

Starting off with her gulping down her cup of tea (or mug of wine) "Oh god... I drank sooo much tea taday... it's jast bin sa coald that all I want is just 'ot liquid runnin' through ma body"

It's a new week.... she's telling us yet again that she's only uploading Monday to Friday (because she's a lazy fook) and will be filming stuff over the weekend to upload on Monday. witch needs her weekends off from pressing a button, and she doesn't want to "worry about the upload". She just wants to enjoy the weekend a bit more. And to just "have a bit of a break" she laughs.

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She had a really nice weekend, she had a chilled Saturday morning watching some trash TV, had a "barf" (bath), did her virtual borefest (wreath making... again). Now she's telling us... again... how she "normally" would be going to the work shop together.

"But obviously because of URGHMMM" She can't even say pandemic or corona, she just has to pathetically make a noise, roll her eyes and pull weird facial expressions:

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Tells people to go watch the video, judging by the piss poor view count - no one bleeping wants to, Helga.

After her wreath making she watched a bunch of Christmas films. Sunday she met up with her sister and GEORGE and did a coastal walk, and now we get a flash back in slow motion, yay.

Oh god... she even placed the camera down and ran off just to do her walking back while talking bit. She's so bleeping lame. Here she comes waddling towards us, telling us how she reached the summit and that they're going to have some cake. Waddle waddle.

Now she interviews her sister and George... Hayley says the walk has been good... George sarcastically says he's having the time of his life. This interview goes on for a bit. They've all had some cake and now they're going off to get some fish and chips.

"There's a boat there, which for a moment I thought was a whale" Says Hayley, "Maybe it was a whale... there!" as Helga comes into shot and now it's the whale's... I mean her turn for an interview with the camera to announce that they're going back now

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"FILWHIP have yer ad a nice tyme?"

Fil finally enunciates today "It's been lovely, yes"

Helen is proud that Fil used his words properly. "Yes, lovely time darling"

More slow mo montage as they head into town for their fish and chips. Now we get to watch them all stuff their faces while talking "FIRTEEN PAOWNDS FOR ALL DIS!" Helga loves bargain food.

Back to present day Helga, telling us that when she got back they watched a reaaallly cool movie called Host which was filmed during lockdown on Zoom, and she tells us that when she was editing her wreath making vlog with her zoom call she got the heebie jeebies that there was a ghost in her footage.

Getting on with today, Monday's are usually her "setting up" day where she plans the week ahead, so we cut to footage of her tidying up her house.. again... she might even do a bit of laundry too (ooh!).

Monday's she likes to straighten up the office too - because she does sooooo much work in there obvs. She does a bit of a hoover and a bit of a clean so she can have a nice working environment again.

She also does "life stuff" like "life admin" (eg bill paying) and plan the rest of the week so she gets her diary up... we can see she's super busy... look how chockablock that calendar is!

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She's figuring out what she's doing for the rest of the week and what she's uploading... which is nothing by the looks of her diary... I thought she was well proud of her spreadsheet before December hit?

"Monday's are also FOOD DAY!" says Helga, with a twinkle in her eye and a big smile on her face, she's got the dog's food and gusto delivered.

She's sitting her now, already planned her week and already edited her vlog. She's feeling content and on top of the world.

So other than the update, she wants to share with us THE SACRED CHRISTMAS SPREADSHEET! (Probably to prove herself to Tattle)

"WOAH THERE! I know wot yer finking, 'WOAH THERE! WOT? A CHRISTMAS SPREADSHEET?!'" No Helen, no one is thinking that... we are all sitting here thinking why the duck this is classed as content.

She's a huge fan of spreadsheets.... (except when she complained about having to use them when doing her taxes....😏)

"I FORT 'YER KNOW WOT? I'M GUNNA SHARE THE CHRISTMAS SPREADSHEET TODAY!' THAT'S IN THE VEIN OF THE VLOG RIGHT? YEAH? COOL! OKAY! ORGANIZING! CHRISTMAS SPREADSHEET" Helen clearly has run out of ideas for vlogmas already....

Right... hold on folks... I need to pause and get myself ready for this tit.

Jesus Christ. Okay. Here we go.

She created this tit at the end of October, beginning of November because she was excited for Christmas and wanted something to look forward to, and she wanted to feel like she was in control more this year. Last year she was unorganised and disappointed in herself and she said to herself that this year she has GOT to raise the bar "AND I HAVE" she says....

She wanted to make sure that by making the spreadsheet she wasn't buying anything she didn't need and that she "wasn't gunna waste ANY FOOD!" (That sounds like Filwhip talking)

Now here we go... we're going to see the spreadsheet! I'm so excited I might wee myself!!!!!!!!!!!
πŸ˜’

Oh god Helen, STOP SAYING HOW MUCH YOU LOVE A SPREADSHEET, WE GET IT YOU LOVE IT, YOU WANT TO MARRY IT. GET ON WITH IT FFS.

"I'm getting... I'm getting, I'm learning how to used spreadsheets, like formulas and stuff like that" and now she lists when she uses spreadsheets..... like writing lists for holidays, money stuff, itineraries... you name it... and because Christmas is spread out over a period of time... she started making.... y'know... A bleeping SPREADSHEET, WE GET IT.

First on the sheet is food. Obvs.

"It's really not that impressive, BUT PEOPLE KEEP ASKING" No, bleeping stop right there Missy... NO ONE asked for this tit. Not a single bleeping soul. Don't you blame this tit on us.

She loves getting her Christmas food from M&S and this year she's also done a Waitrose shop "Now every now and then I'll shop at these places, but these are generally deemed as "TREAT SHOPS"

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"A little bit of EXTRAAAAA" she flaps.


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"Granted" she always buys more than she needs, so this year she was a bit more cautious, a little bit more reserved (lol) and reeeeeally thought about it as there's only two of them and now SAVAGE is coming along too so that makes three...

So now she's made a Christmas menu and has put everything she's bought so far (so far being the key words there), so everything is accounted for and nothing gets wasted.

And here it is!

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Christmas eve is FIL's birthday so it's mystery, mystery on the menu. Xmas day is.... OH MY GOD NO ONE CARES.

Skipping through all this... I can hear her drooling already. Basically she's drinking all day everyday... what's new there?

Boxing day she's doing a new tradition of having a BBQ - she's well quirky

She's on to the next tab which is presents.... and it's blank because she doesn't want any spoilers.... so we're looking at a BLANK spreadsheet.....

Here's the main people she's buying for

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and now she explains how a list works... (basically you type what you need to buy in the need to buy bit and when you bought it you move it to the bought cell! MAGIC!)

She would make another spreadsheet, called the "Plan of Christmas" but she knows having a Christmas day itinerary would stress her out because she's a control freak who has to have everything her way. Reminder... there's only THREE people there... THREE.

oh, now she changes her mind "Oh no I do need to make an itinerary... I NEED TO MAKE A CHRISTMAS PLAN"

duck, she's doing this for content.....

She makes a list and says that she's taking FIL away for the night on his birthday.... seeing his parents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...

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She feels better writing all this down because her brain gets overwhelmed.

"If there's any other people wiv plans... let me know" she says to her spreadsheet.

She has to write it all the details down because she forgets things all the time... (like how to make interesting content)

That's all.
 
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Awkward that baldy hairup pic only got 4000 likes so she shoves it on her story to try and get more likes... get the hint Helen, it’s not a good picture
Find it so crease when influencers do that πŸ˜‚ blaming it all on the algorithm without acknowledging how low effort the content was. Sure maybe when insta was less saturated you could post whatever and rack up nearly 10K in likes but now you're gonna have to do much better than that or buy them.
 
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