WELCOME TO THREAD #13
Helen Anderson 13# - !!PLEASE READ!! ClutchandNOPE!
Big thank you to @rosejaxon19 for the title suggestion!
46 votes
Helen Anderson 13# - !!PLEASE READ!! ClutchandNOPE!
Big thank you to @rosejaxon19 for the title suggestion!
46 votes
PREVIOUSLY ON QUIRKERZ.....:
▷ STILL CAN'T STAY HOME...
- Has to go to two supermarkets, one after the other, because she wanted to get an M&S wrap and do an ASDA shop to "tide her over for the weekend" before going shopping again two days later, despite already having cupboards full of food to feed a small town
- Got gifted a pair of earrings from her mate. Had to go out to essentially take photos of them.
- Had to go out to take photos of trainee influencer Filwhip in tatty ripped jeans
- Breaks lockdown rules of going out for one form of exercise per day by going for a run, coming home and then going out again to take her dogs out for a walk
- Had to go out the day before her birthday to get "essential" supplies for her "virtual party bags"
- Had to deliver the party bags to a bunch of her friends and family in person
- Previously said that she orders Gusto every week so she wouldn't have to go food shopping as much but spends most of her time going food shopping despite having two freezers and loads of cupboards full of food
▷ PRADA DRAMA pt.2: IT'S JUST A BAG & TOXIC POSITIVITY
- A viewer comments about feeling sad that they can't afford a £2,000 Prada bag like Helen. She dismisses the comment by telling the viewer not to be silly as it's 'just a bag', forgetting how the week before she was going on about how much she deserved the bag.
- Then says that she loves her designer bag because she is a 'basic bitch'
- Ironically preaches that self-worth isn't based materialistic things, yet her whole existence online revolves around her showing off, influencing, promoting and urging people to buy into a materialistic lifestyle.
- Also throws some toxic positivity by saying "Don't tell yourself you'll never be able to afford one.... If you love something enough, you'll be able to get it..." forgetting that a lot of people spend their lives living from paycheck to paycheck
▷ SHE'S tit AT 'ADULTING'
- Discovered that Gmail is a thing
- Discovered that Business bank accounts are a thing
- Discovers that you can colour code a calendar
- Discovered that organisers and folders are a thing
- Created a schedule with a lot of 'self-care' time because she doesn't want to burn out from taking too many selfies, putting on a bit of makeup, or changing into too many band t-shirts
- Complains about people posting on their socials things that they were up to... y'know like regular old influencers do, Helga calls them part of the "toxic productivity" issue because she was comparing herself to them
- Gets a comment about someone comparing themselves to what she posts, she dismisses it and doesn't view her own content as part of the "toxic productivity" problem
- Complains about schools not teaching 'adulting' subjects such as how to use a dishwasher or how to do taxes.... but young Helga probably wouldn't have paid attention as she was too busy drinking beer during her maths class
▷ THAT'S SO QUIRKERZ
- Got herself fringe to cover up her bald patches
- Does a make up look where she ages herself 10 years and highlights her moustache
- Does (yet another) band T-shirt reel where she does a cringe voice-over, weirdly pronounces AC/DC and Mötley Crüe and describes her AC/DC look as 'grunge'
- Does an AD where she got Filwhip to sing the same line "drinking whiskey in lockdown with you" over and over again. Also posts a picture of her foot being strangled by her boot. The caption for the #AD made no sense.
- Weirdly keeps celebrating two weeks of eating sandwich and crisps for lunches, posting it as a weekend highlight on her IG and mentioning it numerous times in her vlog
- Hilariously claims that John O'Groats is the most Northern point of mainland England
- Stereotypes women by claiming that most FEMALES milk their birthdays for a whole week
- Keeps getting "MOISTERISTER" in her eye and thinks she's living in the Trueman Show because she hit her head
- Changes her IG bio to describe herself as STYLIN' n LIFESTYLIN' oh and DAD ROCK
- Changes her Twitter header making herself look like a naked gormless fish
- After making a video about not putting pressure or giving herself impossible tasks, she sets herself an impossible task of working out every day in February, saying that she'll even work out on her birthday. She lasted ONE DAY.
- Does a shit quality advert with her gross chin mic where you can hear her gasping for breath after every 3 words she's gifted a box of chocolates with show names written on them, she gets overexcited and does an ear piercing scream over tiny pieces of chocolate with the show "Lost" written on it
▷
PLEASE READ- Fil creates a page called "clutch and go" which sounds more like someone who's practising their pelvic floor exercises on the loo
- After 15 posts on his dedicated car IG, Filwhip decides to try out the influencer lifestyle with a dramatically long post with the title !!PLEASE READ!! announcing that he's now going to share more 'influencer' styled posts on the car account
- In her vlog, she over-explained how it wasn't her influence and that she doesn't tell him what to do... but then says that he has an advantage because she tells him what to do
- Filwhip posts about his NCT500 trip, gushing over being in a van and stating that he prefers campers over hotels because they have toilets. Forgets that he and Helga had to book a hotel mid-trip because they were bored with the van and wanted to have a nice shower and proper toilet
▷ IT'S HER BIRTHDAY
- Puts out yet another video reflecting on her 20s, which had the same dribble as always - about being her authentic self and how she doesn't give a shit about what people think.
- Had "a few" people come over to drop off gifts, including Maff's sister, who stood in front of Helga as she blew out her candle. Mmmm, taste the covid.
- Fil set the birthday table up for 5 people
- He alsocreated a "menu" which involved them going out to various places for food: They went to Starbucks, Waitrose and then McDonald's
- Still not content with going out to three different places during a strict lockdown, she decides to then go out for the fourth time for a walk/photoshoot
- Wished herself happy birthday on her band page
- Goes out to see multiple people for her ESSENTIAL party bag drop off for her VIRTUAL birthday party event on the weekend
- Makes Pic'n'Mix bags for her party bags, empties packes of sweets and chocolates into a bowl and then hand mixes them with her bare hands to give to her friends and family. No mask. No gloves. No handwashing after the toilet. All the fingers in her nose and mouth. Yum.
- Didn't get a drum kit from Filwhip
- Posts the birthday vlog and instantly complains about getting people disliking it, but it's the same complaint, different year for our Helga.
- Gets comments about her multiple non-essential outings, her touching other people's food with her bare hands and showing off - her response was to reply "not my problem" and then delete a bunch of "criticising" comments and only have arse licking ones.
- Gets more comments about her non-essential trips out in her vlog where she showed herself going to B&M, Waitrose, Starbucks, McDonald's, walks and the dropping off all her party bags to her friends and family.
- She replies "what trips?" and then made the excuse that she needed to do a food shop on her birthday and "You're allowed to go shopping"
- Gets a supportive comment from one of her molluscs telling people to go easy on her as we have to go out and support McDonald's otherwise it will close down!
▷ REASONS TO DRINK
- She's cooking with beer which also means She has left over beer
- She's having beer AND prosecco because Fil got a pay rise
- She wants a night to remember / She's drinking whiskey in lockdown with you
- A whole bottle of Prosecco for the day before her birthday
- Champagne, tequilla, margaritas and prosecco because it's her birthday
PICTURE HIGHLIGHTS:
because 
I’ve been staying with my parents again throughout the pandemic and they do the food shopping, but I go along every now and then. I could give them a list but I don’t leave the house at all besides that so I allow myself the treat of perusing the middle aisles 
