I wasn't sure whether to post this, as this thread isn't about me, and I didn't want to make out I've had it any worse than anyone else this year. But, on the off chance that bleep Helen reads here, I wanted to say this.
I got made redundant from one of my jobs in January, then fell ill in March and was quarantining when the first lockdown was announced.
Since then, I have lived in a near constant state of fear and anxiety because I am a partial carer for my mum, who is incredibly high-risk and vulnerable to the point where my household has not left the house (except for one dog-walk a day) since March. In that time I have had to leave the other job I had, because it was too high-risk. Luckily I will not lose my home like some people, but I now do not have an income myself. I have been continuously turned down for many, many working from home jobs. I have had to do two stints of 2 week isolations from my entire family and dog because of a the illness in March and a trip to the doctors over a cancer scare, not wanting to put my mum at risk. My fiancé of 3 and a half years has now left me because I could not physically be with him for the entirety of this year, and he found my constant anxiety too much. I am now relatively sure, less than a month later, he has a new girlfriend he is flouting every lockdown rule with.
And do you know what? I have felt near suicidal multiple times this year and I'm still at home. I'm still shielding my mum, and every other vulnerable person I know, because ultimately, I do not want to be responsible for someone else's untimely death.