Heartbreak.

[BettyCrockerr]

Not feeling good at all to be honest. I'm so tired every morning, getting to work is a struggle. Haven't seen him for a month now and it's killing me. I've been really upset at work this morning.

I’d suggest you perhaps need to have a chat with your GP if you are feeling like this, it sounds like you may have depression and if you do, you need help to get that sorted out

 

[hello479]

How is everyone doing?

 

[Peakyblinders]

Girls I can’t thank you all enough for opening up, sharing stories and offering advice. I didn’t expect so many replies and I’ve been reading everything. If anyone ever wants to DM me to chat feel free.

Being blocked really is awful. I just want to ask how the kids who I love to bits are doing. It’s only been five days but I kind of hoped he would have said something by now, if only to apologise for blocking me. Why isn’t he missing me?? Wishful thinking.

do you have him on any social media? Has he blocked you on messages and WhatsApp?

 

[gigi_93]

It's killing me not contacting him at all but it's what I said I'd do. I don't want to push him further away. I feel so lost and lonely as I'm used to seeing him every morning, getting messages from him throughout the day then him being there when I get home. I still can't get used to sleeping alone. If someone had said these things to me I'd have thought they were pathetic but this is hurting more than I ever could have imagined.

I never thought I could be this heartbroken either. I thought I’d be stronger than this but the reality is so different, I’m putting on a good front but I am absolutely dying inside. I don’t feel like I should be giving advice when I can’t even follow it myself! Are you eating? I was going to try and cheer myself up with a takeaway (wishful thinking) but I’ve woken up with a horrible cold

 

[Imonlyme]

My circumstances are that we love eachother greatly, but he put faith first & asked me to convert I declined and he then said we cant be together. We have been together 10 years

That's a tricky one. But I'm sorry you're going through it. If you don't mind me asking, was the idea of you converting ever brought up before?

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I’m curious about what he has to say. My mind is coming up with all sorts of scenarios :/ how are you doing?

I bet it is. To be honest I don't really feel any better. I'm eating and sleeping a bit more but I still feel constantly anxious and I'm still getting upset every day. Haven't heard from him and haven't contacted him.

 

[HarJR289]

Don’t apologise, not harsh at all as I know this myself and agree. I have made my bed and feel I have no right to be upset he’s moved on and yet my heart still hurts. I feel like I don’t know what I want in life. My current partner is amazing and we are doing great, I love him but don’t think I’m in love with him if that makes sense? I can’t help but feel like something is missing so perhaps I’m not as happy as I wish. I feel cruel on him writing this

I know entirely what you mean I really do. My last ex ( the one who left me recently ) I forgave so much and made do with my feelings just because I knew he was a decent guy - deep down (mine wasn’t tho) but I let the feeling of content mean more about the feeling of me being happy. I wasn’t crazy in love with him but I was kinda happy if I stayed with him forever just purely because I thought I’d rather be ok with someone than ok on my own. I don’t think it makes any sense but as you say, it’s therapeutic sometimes just writing it out.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

That sounds awful, I’m sorry. I hate the feeling of hoping they will come back, it’s like you know it’s pathetic (for me anyway, not saying you are!) but you can’t help it at all.

Gigi - I know we weren't able to send private messages but I've seen from another thread that we may be in the same town if you ever wanted to go for a walk or something (hope it's OK to say that on here).

 

[Jmx]

Thank you all, we’re back together... but I’m kinda expecting something bad to happen?

 

[gigi_93]

If he hasn't blocked you he may reply in time. Men are certainly very strange, you just don't know what he's going to do.

My sister was coming on Saturday but I ended up asking her not to, I just didn't want to talk about it anymore or cry in front of anyone. I did manage a little bit of sleep last night. I still feel horrendous but I'm sure it's done me some good. Dreading work today.

He might. I have no idea. The text I sent was very diplomatic and not hysterical like I wanted it to be I just politely asked to talk to help me find peace. Who knows if he’s even read it.

That’s good you got some sleep. It’s understandable to not want to talk to anyone. I haven’t even told anyone except my mum and best friend (and tattle!) because I can’t bear to say it out loud. I hope you’re not struggling too much at work.

 

[gigi_93]

How would I go about getting propranolol? Did you just explain the situation? I would love to be able to sleep and for my heart rate to just come down

 

[LateG0ssiper]

There’s nothing wrong with waiting a while to see if anything changes. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in denial. Especially if he’s acting weird.

It’s been a week since I contacted him and 4 weeks since I last heard from him. He said he doesn’t want me to think any of this is my fault and that he’s been busy with work and it’s not going well. He ended the text by saying maybe we can talk sometime and sending a random in-joke meme. I’m confused to say the least

He's honestly like a different person. I definitely think he had some sort of breakdown before he left.

Wow, that's not what I expected you to say at all. I bet you don't know how to feel after that. He has some serious explaining to do. I don't care what's happening with work, what he's done to you is never acceptable. Any idea how you're going to respond? This must have really thrown you, hope you're OK x

 

[LateG0ssiper]

No contact is hard but sometimes it’s the only way. I don’t look at his social media because I don’t want to see him moving on without me. I’ve kind of impressed myself by how I haven’t looked even once...someone give me a medal

He replied and said maybe we can talk tomorrow. I just said ok. That should be an interesting conversation

Any update? No pressure if you don't want to discuss.

 

[Imonlyme]

I’d never lay the guilt/blame on them because ultimately it’s my decision to stay or go

I'm not saying you would would be laying guilt on them. I'm pointing out that that could be how they might feel if they ever thought they swayed your decision to stay when deep down you possibly thought you should leave.

I'm sorry if my last post sounded harsh, it's not meant that way. Just make sure you're staying for the right reasons and that you're not selling yourself short.

You said you've been cheated on in every relationship before this one. That must have some effect on you? You even admitted that your previous history with relationships has made you paranoid. I'm guessing that possibly your self esteem has been damaged by those relationships. And when it has been knocked in such a way, repeatedly it can cause your perception of your own self worth to be depleted without even realising it.

The result is that you're more willing to accept behaviour that you don't deserve or that wouldn't normally be acceptable. Try looking at this entire situation as if it were your best friend going through it. What advice would you tell her? Would you tell her she's worth more than that, or that she deserves better?

 

[Jmx]

When you say you are back together, what has happened to resolve the situation?? Why did you split up and what’s changed to bring you back together??

I really want to tell you guys for opinions because I haven’t told anyone irl, but the reasons are too specific.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I think people are just trying to say something that helps, not purposely being flippant. Everyone's situation is different. You've posted on a public 'advice' thread so people will reply with their thoughts. Really appreciate what you're going through but I thought the general advice above was meant kind in nature

I know that I've posted about this publicly and I do appreciate that people are trying to help but I just found that particular comment to be a bit insensitive as I said, even if it wasn't intended to be that way.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Thank you. I feel a pressure to be a “strong girl” and just forget about him and not even entertain him when he texts me but the reality just isn’t like that. Of course I’m going to talk to him if it leads to me getting an explanation and being able to find out how the kids are. Blocking him myself and walking away would be great but how many people actually do that??



This is a really nice story! Apart from the heartbreak obviously but you had to go through that to make it to where you are now. I’d like it to work out with us, if I’m honest. But I’m not getting my hopes up because I know reality is harsh.

How are you feeling now? I really feel no better and it's been almost a month. I'm sleeping a little now but I'm still exhausted all of the time and constantly feel extremely anxious.

 

[Lollyy]

I think this would be an easier breakup if I could just hate him but I can’t. At the end of the day he treated me so well the whole time we were together. We never lost the chemistry. It’s just making it so much harder to accept

Summer definitely makes it harder too. The warm sun reminds me of my home with him in Florida. I am not ready for that

Why did you guys break up?

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I literally know exactly how you feel...my husband also wasn’t quite himself and seems to have been unable to separate how his life is affected by being married vs lockdown etc. It’s so hard isn’t it, I still too have that tiny bit of hope that all this will work itself out, some way or another, and in 10 years we’ll look back on this as a blip even in spite of how he’s made me feel. I’ve told myself I will give it 2 or 3 weeks and then reach out to discuss next steps around separating which is really scary because it’s not what I want, but I’m also not going to beg for someone to love me.

Lockdown definitely played a big part in this. Wed not long moved to a different area and he was really struggling with being at home every day, especially once I went back to work. I think you're looking at it the right way, you can't make him come back but I think it's silly to instantly throw everything away. That's how I feel.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

@CrazyGiraffeLady my heart goes out to you lovely, I can tell you're hurting I know it's not easy when children are involved but I think you need more time. I know you've agreed to give things another try but you're within your rights to ask him to leave until you've processed things. I think you need to make him sweat and realise he isn't going to get away that lightly. He needs to know what it's like to live without you as that was the risk he took when he stepped outside your marriage and I think it will do you a lot of good as well. It's not too late to backtrack a little if it helps you heal. Hope you're ok and things work out for you xx

You are honestly so right, I am hurting still but I hope things improve xxx