Heartbreak.

[LateG0ssiper]

Mornings are always the worst aren’t they?! I’m envious you have your sister nearby, I have no siblings and no good friends where I live. They all live at the other end of the country where I lived until 2018 so great on the phone, but it’d be so nice to have some local friends too. The only people I know are couple friends who knew my husband before me.

It's only really my sister but I'm lucky that I have her or I wouldn't really have anyone here. It's hard not seeing friends that we would usually see together so I know how you feel there.

 

[gigi_93]

He's honestly like a different person. I definitely think he had some sort of breakdown before he left.

Wow, that's not what I expected you to say at all. I bet you don't know how to feel after that. He has some serious explaining to do. I don't care what's happening with work, what he's done to you is never acceptable. Any idea how you're going to respond? This must have really thrown you, hope you're OK x

That’s kind of how I felt with him too. Like he changed overnight. I just responded by asking what he would like to talk about and acknowledged the meme :/ really didn’t know what else to say at this point

Im in no contact- done 2 weeks and feel like giving up

It’s hard isn’t it. Do you mean feel like giving up as in you want to contact them?

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I’m getting better, I was only in for a few hours with a mild asthma attack. I’ve got all the symptoms of covid, but it’s not covid!

Glad you're alright. Hope you're feeling better and good luck with the talk when you have it, hope you get some answers.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Yeahhhh I think exactly the same.....
Sorry but I think this has been going on for far longer than he’s telling you and if hes saying he’s only had sex with her 3 times, I think he’s lying out of his arse

I can see how it looks like that but he didn’t sleep with her till January x

she sounds a bit unhinged tbh, who openly admits they love someone on an Instagram caption for all their friends/family/wife of their sex buddy to see?!

And then likes the pics of their child???

also your husband isn’t any better, he should have told her to remove that picture and caption ASAP because it could really upset and hurt you

They’re both as bad as each other I agree x

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Same, if I don’t “break the rules” and go to my friend’s house I just spend the day crying and overthinking. Also not sleeping or eating. It’s absolutely shit isn’t it?? I’m sorry you’re feeling so awful. It really is all new to me, I’ve never felt this kind of pain and hurt before :/

Me too, it's almost unbearable. I feel no better each day. Last night was one of the worst in fact. I'm so sorry that you're still feeling that way as well.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

It doesn't sound dramatic at all. Going through the hurt and betrayal of being cheated on in bound to change you.

Just know that what's happened is absolutely not your fault and like another poster said, you are well within your rights to tell your husband that you need more time to figure out what you want to do. If that's what you want of course.

You told him you are willing to give him another chance, but how long after finding out about the affair did you say that?

Oh no I blame him 100% it was all him and not me. I think it was a week or so

 

[hypoharpy]

Had an awful nights sleep last night - I just keep replaying conversations in my head. I think the hardest part is letting go of the future I thought I was going to have with him and realising he’s not the man I thought he was.
How is everyone else today?

It will get better , just keep going

 

[Imonlyme]

This is something I’ve realised in my own situation in the past few days (mine isn’t religion related though) - but I just wish my husband would’ve actually be open and honest with what the problems were, and left with 100% certainty of what he wanted going forward. We shouldn’t be blamed for their uncertainty and definitely don’t deserve the manipulation x

You don't deserve any of the nonsense your partner put you through. I agree, if someone is unhappy in a relationship then by all means they can leave. But they should do it in a respectful and considerate manner and at least be open and honest with their partner.

To play mind games and keep your partner hanging on is just absolutely vile and cruel and can cause long term trust issues for some people.

I hope you're doing better

No. Initially I agreed not to contact him unless it was necessary about the house while he started therapy so I've been trying to stick with that. I guess I was hoping he'd see sense and come home.

Okay, so you've held up your end of the bargain as promised, but now you're struggling to move on because you don't really know where you stand?

Am I correct in thinking that you're still holding out that hope, and feel you can't completely move on until you have a definitive answer of his intentions?

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Sending you massive hugs. I know our situations aren’t exactly the same but I empathise completely. I feel so pathetic because I’m still hoping he will text me, but it’s been two weeks already. I find myself asking him questions in my head constantly. Driving myself to insanity

It's not pathetic, I think that's only natural. I am doing the same thing as I don't want to contact him and push him further away but the less we have contact the more I think he's learning to forget about me.

 

[Imonlyme]

I never normally comment in regards to religion because I'm very much of the attitude: each to their own, and I know that many people get great comfort from their faith, but it must be so hard for you since he wasn't always into religion.

But you said his is based on fear and keeping his family happy, nonetheless, he's put something and others ahead of his feelings for you and that shit hurts. You tried to convert and it made you unhappy so at least you tried and that's all you can do.

I hope you're okay and taking care of your needs now. It's so hard when a partner changes from the person you fell in love with. Are you still in contact?

 

[gigi_93]

I am so sorry you are going through this. The passage of time is the only healer in all honesty. You need to look after yourself and appreciate, and find time and ways to enjoy in, the smallest things. Don't get back in the dating game for a while - give yourself time to grieve and heal.

I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason; you will look back in time and see that if this hadn't happened then it would have lead you to --- what's coming (and it will be magnificent).

For now though, self-care must take priority. I know it's hard - I've been through this too, and just wanted to curl up and die if I'm completely honest - but you will get through it. Engage in a new hobby (even just learning something new online), and if you need to talk, try to do it with a counselor or online telephone service dedicated to counseling ... try not to talk with your friends as - and again this is from personal experience - it will tarnish your relationship with them.

Much love to you. You WILL be okay, just know that.

Edited to add: One thing I did find helpful: Hypnotism. It's not for everyone, but I just could not get him out of my head and developed a very unhealthy habit of psychoanalysing everything I'd said and done while we were together that might have caused him to dump me. The hypnotism 'sort of' made me forget all about him. I still had feelings of sadness and felt like I'd been kicked to the curb quite literally, but it helped severe the blow. I suffered from a lot of childhood emotional trauma that tended to overflow at this time also - it's all tied into the fear of abandonment - so it felt very much like my world had come crashing in and I had nothing to live for. I also ended up changing everything I could - new city, new job, new haircut, new dress style - I reinvented myself which psychologically helped me move on from being the victim of something that was beyond my control.

Thank you for this. I totally understand the psychoanalysing thing, I am doing that pretty much all day every day at the moment. Made worse by the fact I can’t ask him any questions because he’s cut me off. I keep thinking “if only I’d done this, he wouldn’t have dumped me” and I can see how unhelpful it is but I Just. Can’t. Stop. hypnotism is interesting, I’m not a big believer in all that but I’m so desperate I’d probably try anything including a lobotomy!

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

That sounds like one of the reasons you're staying with him is because you can't be bothered to split weekend access of your kids with an ex again.

That shouldn't even be a factor in your decision. Imagine how your kids would feel when they're older to learn you stayed because of that? That's a hell of a lot of guilt to lay on someone. I'm sorry, but I absolutely hate when people use kids as an excuse to stay in a bad relationship.

I understand the annoyance of having to give your children over to an ex for the weekend. I did it for 12 years and it was bloody heartbreaking, but it would never have deterred me from leaving a toxic situation.

I’d never lay the guilt/blame on them because ultimately it’s my decision to stay or go

 

[LateG0ssiper]

How would I go about getting propranolol? Did you just explain the situation? I would love to be able to sleep and for my heart rate to just come down

I'm not able to send you a private message, can you send one to me?

 

[gigi_93]

I was wondering how you were getting on. You must feel really anxious waiting for it. Hopefully you'll at least get a proper explanation (not that anything excused his behaviour).

I’m curious about what he has to say. My mind is coming up with all sorts of scenarios :/ how are you doing?

 

[EmaE]

My husband has left our home out of the blue. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. I don't really have any other family. I can't go to work. I can't sleep or eat. I am terrified of losing my home. We had planned the rest of our lives together. I can't bear him not being here, not holding his hand and hugging every day. It's all I've known for years and years. I don't think I can get through this.

Could you try and get someone to stay with you or go and stay with a friend ? I know we’re in lockdown but for your own mental health maybe being alone is not a good idea for now ?

 

[gigi_93]

Me too, it's almost unbearable. I feel no better each day. Last night was one of the worst in fact. I'm so sorry that you're still feeling that way as well.

Has there been any communication with him at all?

 

[Lollyy]

I never normally comment in regards to religion because I'm very much of the attitude: each to their own, and I know that many people get great comfort from their faith, but it must be so hard for you since he wasn't always into religion.

But you said his is based on fear and keeping his family happy, nonetheless, he's put something and others ahead of his feelings for you and that shit hurts. You tried to convert and it made you unhappy so at least you tried and that's all you can do.

I hope you're okay and taking care of your needs now. It's so hard when a partner changes from the person you fell in love with. Are you still in contact?

We arent in contact at the moment, i turned up to his house, albeit waited in the car and he just went crazy at me and blocked me, i said to myself i wont talk to him now until his stance changes & he will i assume contact me. Its been 17 days, he unblocked me after 1 week.. i have no doubt he loves me. But it hurts when the relationship was perfect apart from this.

 

[Imonlyme]

Yes I do appreciate that if that's how the post was supposed to be, it was just how it was said. I'm not an infatuated teenager, it's not a case of being able to suddenly move on with my life, there is a lot more to it. For instance, I still don't know if I'll have somewhere to live in a few months time.

Have you managed to talk to your ex regarding the house?

 

[gigi_93]

Glad you're alright. Hope you're feeling better and good luck with the talk when you have it, hope you get some answers.

Thank you. Wish I knew what to expect but I really have no idea.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Thank you all, we’re back together... but I’m kinda expecting something bad to happen?

I understand this so much, I found out end of January my husband had a month long affair and although we’re trying to save the marriage I’m always on edge