Sorry I’ve clicked like and I can’t change it, stupid fat fingers
Eta I got it changed, just in case you got an alert for me.
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Eta I got it changed, just in case you got an alert for me.
First and foremost it isn’t an inheritance until the grandparents die. Until then it is their money to pay for their needs, comforts and wishes. I would remind your adult child of this in the strongest of terms. Secondly, yes I would tell the grandparents.
No special needs. It’s like they’ve joined a cult and have been brain washed. They only hang out and mostly work with this lot. It’s so freaky.
I don’t even know what that means 🫤
I think (?) that fat people are expected to conform to sex stereotypes more than everyone else otherwise dismissed as sloppy, untidy etc when a thin person wouldn't be. But, yeah, when you equate "gender" with someone's look/dress sense/aesthetic does it have a meaning any more?!
Yes. But when you do, make sure that they are aware that ‘top surgery’ is a euphemism for an irreversible double mastectomy.
You what??!! Is that different to a reduction?
Oh, yes. Google if you dare. It’s horrific.
im assuming that your child is female. being super into being feminine and then suddenly reverting sounds like they felt negatively about being feminine, feels pressured by it etc.,. and sees an "out" with being nonbinary. it sounds like they're a bit lost going from one extreme to the other as well and they should not be making major decisions like this in that frame of mind. this is not hair, like people regret cutting off their hair, never mind parts of their bodies that won't grow back, and it sounds like your child has not been committed to this for very long. if you think this is the case then maybe speak to them about why they feel they want to do this etc. i used to ID as nonbinary as mentioned before so this is all coming from a personal place. i would wager that your child isn't mentally OK and thus shouldnt be making decisions like this.
top surgery is a double masectomy, yes, it's complete removal of the breast. sometimes the nipple will also go (depending on chest size). people that have undergone 'top surgery' often have to get a fake nipple tattooed back on. the function of the breast is usually permanently destroyed. im a bit surprised that your child is looking at having this already, and seemingly without having had a history of being on hormones etc (it seems like this is very sudden) or a documented history of gender dysphoria. because of this, i would also hope that a doctor would be reluctant to do the surgery on your adult child.
it goes without saying but it's also a very hurtful thing to request from you. it's vulture-like. if i were your child, i would not be taking any advice about decisions like this from friends that encourage me to say such blindly hurtful tit (it sounds like this is happening to me). i would never ever dream of asking for "inheritance money" early for financial support for literally anything. i think you're well within your rights to say that it's a hurtful thing to ask for
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Yes, that’s what ‘top surgery’ is.
Transgender Mastectomy Surgery | FTM Reconstruction Surgery
Patients who opt for cosmetic mastectomy can expect to experience a number of benefits, Contact us to schedule a consultation or call us at 469-429-7557.
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Have they got any sort of mental health issues (other than this)?
Yes, I would tell their grandparents. Also, inheritance isn't a right, and what happens if they give their money away, and then need it themselves?
I think I’ll take your word for it atm, I’m in shock enough as it is, I’m totally wired out right now.
Don't forget they only put their 'best' outcome photos on:
7374 - Inglefield, Christopher (thelondontransgenderclinic.uk)
FtM Top Surgery before and after patient photos from London Plastic Surgery Specialist Mr. Inglefield
www.thelondontransgenderclinic.uk
Thank you! This is all so new to me, let alone her, it’s all been such a big sudden change, and lots of things at once. Like a name change legally too. I think she’s being very pressurised from an extreme wing, like some religious groups.
it is a lot <3 there are a lot of women here that have personal insight on this and have a solid understanding of the issue, moreso than a lot of places
it sounds really difficult for you and your family. for sure it sounds like she is deep into this stuff. i think it operates a little bit like a cult where people that are vulnerable anyway (eg if they are experiencing mental illness) get drawn into it. the best thing you can do for your daughter is be there for her, emphasise the permanence of the decision etc etc.. for me there are two wings to it - 1. mental health and 2. struggling with the expectations placed onto women, and from there, there are lots of avenues your daughter can explore before deciding to do something permanent like this. the first thing is looking after her mental health generally, seeing a therapist etc etc., and the second is IMO exploring feminism outside queer theory, like radical feminism. ironically, naomi wolf is a TRA, but i really liked her book the Beauty Myth (a scan is available online...) on this subject - tbh that naomi is a TRA in some ways is helpful in this context bc it's not going to get picked up as "terf propaganda". again though, this only works if your daughter expresses she is struggling with the expectations of femininity.
do tread with caution though as again, much like with a cult, people that follow the tra way of thinking do not like to be told it's wrong, and ofc she is your daughter so you know her best.
if she just wants to reject femininity, that's OK, there are other ways to do it - she can dress androgynously, she doesn't need to change her body. nothing has to be permanent. this kind of thing is one of the best things she can do if she is struggling with femininity. i think she needs to give this other stuff a good go first before deciding to do something permanent like this (imv she probably shouldn't do the surgery ever but i'm not sure she'd hear that atm). this is what i did and now im in a good place, i dont need to wear loads of makeup but im also so happy to be a woman. good luck x
Today my colleague showed me a piece of work that a Year 8 girl who is very clearly autistic had handed in during her PSHE class. I don't remember the actual task set but for whatever reason she decided it was pointless, refused to do it and instead wrote a completely irrelevant list of all the things she hates (it would have been quicker to write a list of the things she doesn't hate tbh). One of them was "I hate when people ask me for my pronouns. If they can't tell I'm a girl by looking at me and/or knowing my name is *Chloe they are obviously very stupid" - gave us both a laugh.
They’ve been wearing a binder and dressing like this for about 2 years, but seems to be going deeper into it, before only men. Then women, now god knows, It seems very sudden. But I think they’ve just been shady too.
I hate to give you one more thing to worry about, but is there any chance she could have been sexually assaulted or raped and not told you? A trauma such as that can lead women to self-harm in a way that they feel would make their body repulsive to the opposite sex. Over-eating is another response to it.
I think they’de say, but who knows.
Not necessarily, my friend only found out her daughter had been raped a year or two ago. She has gained a lot of weight and is now in a Lesbian relationship (not a problem as she is happy with her current partner)
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