Gaslighting

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I would like to visit this thread in a few days time and see that you have told this bloke it done and finished due to his behaviour! If you had a daughter would you advise her to stay because she thinks she’s loves him? This is not love it’s exactly what you have asked about and that’s gaslighting!
Gaslighting that will eventually get worse over time and probably become physical abuse!

Enjoy and build your confidence while being single and someone will come along when you least expect it.

DONT SETTLE FOR AN IDIOT!!!
 
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I’ve been coming backwards and forwards to this thread hoping you’d dumped him 🤭 Easy for me to say, but I think if it’s this much effort and so hard at such an early stage in a relationship then imagine in 5 yrs time! The red flags are there now and I think you know that but you want reassurance they’re there ❗Let me tell you they are❗
His behaviour is rinse and repeat; kick off, storm out, wait for you to phone, sort out...... start again.
Being with somebody isn’t always better than settling for ‘not having to start again’

Please know your worth 🙏🏻
 
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Totally agree with both of you. I messaged tonight like a mug apologising and he was nice then literally rang me about an hour ago pissed with his mates being really nasty to me could barely talk he’s so drunk.
 
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Totally agree with both of you. I messaged tonight like a mug apologising and he was nice then literally rang me about an hour ago pissed with his mates being really nasty to me could barely talk he’s so drunk.
Please know you’re not a ‘mug’. Absolutely not, you’re too good for him. He’s not a keeper at all, the love he has for himself is on another level 😳 Self peace and self love is so much more worth than arguing to keep someone who is only vested in themselves ❤
 
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Totally agree with both of you. I messaged tonight like a mug apologising and he was nice then literally rang me about an hour ago pissed with his mates being really nasty to me could barely talk he’s so drunk.
He sounds like a real prince! Your time is too precious to waste on a person not worthy of it. You are clearly not compatible— accept it and move on now. He sounds like a dead weight.
 
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Did you see him during lockdown? You haven't been together long at all. Are you annoyed now he can go out with his mates? Do you get possessive?

As he couldn't see his mates during lockdown he probably gave you all his attention but now he can meet his mates again, it sounds like he doesn't want a serious relationship?

I would end it as it doesn't sound like it's going anywhere especially after such a short time and so much arguing. You can do much better.
 
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Sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees especially when you are in the middle of it. Everyone else can see it but you can’t or won’t. If you think that’s all you are worth then good luck.
I’ve been there like others on this thread.
 
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Just coming on to say that I've had this my whole life with my mum. She's been doing it since I was a small child.

What I would say is, if you're questioning it/frustrated with it now after 5 months (that's still the nice honeymoon period where things are still great)... imagine what you'll be like in 5 years. It's a huge step to even admit that something is wrong cause our natural insticts as women especially is to ignore behaviour like that.

Please please please do yourself a favour and leave. You deserve better than this and if he truly had respect for you he'd want to work it out with you and the thought of you two arguing and you being upset would kill him inside. He doesn't care. He just wants you to admit responsibility so he can ignore his faults. I'm sure other posters will agree with me, the more you allow it the more he'll do it until eventually you just stop questioning yourself.

As for feeling lonely believ me I get that. My advice is get a hobby, go exercise (seriously the gym really helps me with loneliess) go on holiday with some friends, fill your life up with so much fun and happiness so you'll be happy in yourself and you won't settle for anything other than someone who makes you feel amazing. Partners are supposed to be a breath of fresh air and a bonus to your life.
 
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Just coming on to say that I've had this my whole life with my mum. She's been doing it since I was a small child.
I think if you've had a codependent relationship with a parent you can be more at risk of being gaslit by a partner. If you don’t mind me asking, what were the main things your mum would do?
 
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I think if you've had a codependent relationship with a parent you can be more at risk of being gaslit by a partner. If you don’t mind me asking, what were the main things your mum would do?
So she'd often tell me that the things that happened in my childhood didn't happen. She'd often lie to get me to do or say things that she wanted. She'd make me chase a lot for her love/attention/approval so that when it came to it she could make me say things to her friends about my dad by twisting the story knowing that she'd give me loads of love and attention afterwards for saying the right thing. Does that make sense? She told me once that the man who was abusing me (I was a small child) wasn't an abuser and that if he was she wouldn't be in a relationship with him. My biggest issue (personally) is the lies. If I didn't want to go somewhere she'd say that they'd accommodated for me specifically and then I'd get there and there'd be no food I liked after she'd told me all that.

I think when you grow with that you seek it in relationships because it's what you're used to. Thankfully I went the opposite way and now I'm really hard to manipulate because I have a good gut instinct and won't tolerate any tit as soon as it starts.
 
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Really feel for any of the posters in this thread who are going through this.

Experienced gaslighting with my ex. All the usual stuff: that I’m a psycho, I’m crazy, no one else would ever want me, people think he’s mad for putting up with me, all his friends and family think he’s mad for being with me.

It was one of the lowest points in my life and like many other people, it took me a while to pluck up the courage to end the relationship. I genuinely did believe nobody else would ever want me!

But by the end I was at rock bottom and would rather than been alone for the rest of my life than continue that relationship.

LADIES - men who do this to you are weak, insecure and pathetic. They do this to control you usually because they know you can do better than them!

Know your worth; don’t settle. You are better off being single and happy than having your emotions dictated by a narcissist!

Sending everyone lots of love ❤
 
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@Peakyblinders I’ve read through all your comments and it seems to me you’re downplaying his actions just because they’re not violent. There’s definitely some gaslighting at play here but also if you’re saying he says you’re moaning when you comment on something, maybe your communication styles just don’t match, or you’re not a good match at all! It’s only been 5 months and whatever is going on isn’t worth your time and emotional energy. Personally I’d just block him and move on! Good Luck x
 
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So she'd often tell me that the things that happened in my childhood didn't happen. She'd often lie to get me to do or say things that she wanted. She'd make me chase a lot for her love/attention/approval so that when it came to it she could make me say things to her friends about my dad by twisting the story knowing that she'd give me loads of love and attention afterwards for saying the right thing. Does that make sense? She told me once that the man who was abusing me (I was a small child) wasn't an abuser and that if he was she wouldn't be in a relationship with him. My biggest issue (personally) is the lies. If I didn't want to go somewhere she'd say that they'd accommodated for me specifically and then I'd get there and there'd be no food I liked after she'd told me all that.

I think when you grow with that you seek it in relationships because it's what you're used to. Thankfully I went the opposite way and now I'm really hard to manipulate because I have a good gut instinct and won't tolerate any tit as soon as it starts.
Thank you for sharing ❤ And sorry to hear you went through that. It definitely makes sense (I have grown up with similar). Good to hear you’re able to spot it now 💪🏻 It’s too easy to get blindsided by these individuals.

Hope you’re doing okay @Peakyblinders
 
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Thank you - I cant quote your post but leoladyxo that is gaslighting.

tskiry56 I will definitely take a look at your blog. I am not experiencing any physical abuse nor do I think I ever would. This guy is actually an all right nice guy (I know thats how narcissists usually present) but yeah during arguments he will always say its me and I am the reason he behaves how he does etc. Says i am too over opininated - I literally cannot say anything without him accusing me of moaning or being argumentative.
Not read the full thread but based on just this post I'd say get rid. I've just seen briefly another post that you've been together five months, time for him to go.

It'll only get worse unfortunately. Please don't put up with this behaviour.

Him saying you're too opinionated is his way to erode at your confidence, bet you have been second guessing yourself right? The fact he says it's your fault too that he behaves that way is bullshit, he behaves like that because he's an idiot, not because of you. He's passing the blame on to you. Not good.

Sorry if my post is a bit harsh, I don't intend it to be but whilst you're still early on in the relationship you can get out without kids or marriage being involved.

it’s having a massive effect on my mental health etc. I am an emotional person and quite an anxious person anyway so all this just makes me 10x worse. He keeps saying he will only reply to me if I’m nice etc but I am nice. I’m just never allowed to say anything that calls him out on his behaviour. I know I need to get out but I feel like I can’t because I don’t want to but deep down I know I need to if that makes sense. I feel so weak x
The reason he doesn't like being called out on his behaviour is because he knows he's being an asshole. It's emotional abuse the silent treatment you're being given when you're apparently 'not being nice'.

He's training you to not question him, to never call him out on his behaviour and to do as he says. This is not right. It's emotional abuse.

I was with a man very similar, he would give me the silent treatment after an argument or heated discussion, I was too scared to call him out on his behaviour. He would say things like 'I'll come see you only if you're a good girl' which meant not to question his behaviour. It was horrible. It affected my mental health and on the days where he was ignoring me I'd be going crazy with anxiety. I thankfully saw the light and fucked him off after 6 months of it.

You deserve so so much better. How amazing will you feel when you don't have to worry about this man? You won't need to worry about stepping on eggshells around him, you can be free of his pathetic behaviour. Please consider leaving him. You will thank your future self.
 
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@Peakyblinders lockdown is not a justification or excuse at all. Do not leave it to see if the next 5/6 months are any different. If it is like this already, trust me it is only going to get worse. Get out of this relationship - it is not healthy. Even if you like him and think he is a nice person - the relationship is not healthy
 
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Thanks everyone I know you are all totally right. Really appreciate your advice!
Interested to hear if anyone else has any stories/experience? Xx
 
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Thanks everyone I know you are all totally right. Really appreciate your advice!
Interested to hear if anyone else has any stories/experience? Xx
Why? People on here have given you their experiences already and have been so honest and bared their souls. Is that not enough for you?
WTF are you writing a book or something and doing research?
 
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Sometimes it can be more than 1 member of your family gaslighting you.For example reminding you of something they said to you when you know for a fact they had not then. Both of them question your MH and get aggressive and defensive if you try to put your take on it

 
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This early into a relationship you should still be in the honeymoon period, enjoying spending time with each other. So aside from the gaslighting (which he is definitely doing) that’s reason enough to say this isn’t going to work in the long term and call it a day. I know it’s easier said than done. But please don’t waste any more of your life on this person. I wasted six years and by the end of it was a jumpy anxious mess who had lost all my friends as I was never allowed out. Accused of cheating when he was the one doing it.

It starts off in the ways you have explained and will escalate. You deserve to be happy ❤
 
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This early into a relationship you should still be in the honeymoon period, enjoying spending time with each other. So aside from the gaslighting (which he is definitely doing) that’s reason enough to say this isn’t going to work in the long term and call it a day. I know it’s easier said than done. But please don’t waste any more of your life on this person. I wasted six years and by the end of it was a jumpy anxious mess who had lost all my friends as I was never allowed out. Accused of cheating when he was the one doing it.

It starts off in the ways you have explained and will escalate. You deserve to be happy ❤
Ooh yes definitely I know all about the jumpy anxious mess! Cant believe you went through it for 6 years how sad! I am glad you are out of that now and happy :love:
 
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