what is the criteria to be able to start a thread please? I want to start one on gaslighting.
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Anyone got any experiences or are currently beinggaslighted by their partner? I definitely am and it is making me believe I am in the wrong all the time/a psycho.
You need to get out of this situation.
I was in a relationship full of abuse- emotional, physical, coercive behaviour.
I was made to believe by him and his family that I was the problem and I wasnt good enough for him.
It took the final act of physical violence for me to see I was just about existing in an awful situation. I was controlled and living on the edge all the time too scared to speak out.
Please speak to someone, it has taken me years of counselling to understand that it wasnt me with a problem it was him.
I have never been gaslighted by a partner but was by my parents as a teenager. At the time I knew I was desperately unhappy and perhaps even depressed but looking back I actually think it was much worse than I ever acknowledged.
I would remove myself from the situation as soon as you safely can. It is the only way you will being to heal.
I would remove myself from the situation as soon as you safely can. It is the only way you will being to heal.
Sometimes when I have an argument with my boyfriend he will say that something never happened or that I wasn’t remembering it correctly, but I know that I am right. I just ignore him and keep making my point. I hope that you are OK, OP.
Edited to add I write a blog about my experience it may or may not help you https://unbeatenmystory.wordpress.com/
Thank you - I cant quote your post but leoladyxo that is gaslighting.
tskiry56 I will definitely take a look at your blog. I am not experiencing any physical abuse nor do I think I ever would. This guy is actually an all right nice guy (I know thats how narcissists usually present) but yeah during arguments he will always say its me and I am the reason he behaves how he does etc. Says i am too over opininated - I literally cannot say anything without him accusing me of moaning or being argumentative.
tskiry56 I will definitely take a look at your blog. I am not experiencing any physical abuse nor do I think I ever would. This guy is actually an all right nice guy (I know thats how narcissists usually present) but yeah during arguments he will always say its me and I am the reason he behaves how he does etc. Says i am too over opininated - I literally cannot say anything without him accusing me of moaning or being argumentative.
I never thought i would experience physical abuse either. But I ended up so emotionally abused that I made excuses when he did hurt me.
Have you been in a relationship a long time?
In ways it doenst sound like a healthy relationship- you shouldn't be blamed for his behaviour. Do you see a future with him?
Yes I have. My ex husband. It’s 3 years on and he is still doing it (we have children)
If you don’t have children it will be so much easier to cut then out. He ruined my life and completely crushed me as a person. I regret everything about being with him. I am a changed person because he left me with no confidence.
You are here so you know what they are doing to you is wrong, speak to a trusted friend or family member. You can do this. Good luck x
If you don’t have children it will be so much easier to cut then out. He ruined my life and completely crushed me as a person. I regret everything about being with him. I am a changed person because he left me with no confidence.
You are here so you know what they are doing to you is wrong, speak to a trusted friend or family member. You can do this. Good luck x
I have only been with him for 5 months but most of that has been during lockdown so I have been using that as an excuse for the way he has been with me etc but I am just so drained. I really do like him and I definitely did see a future with him, not so sure now though as he never takes responsibility for his actions and will not communicate with me, he will just ignore me instead until he decides he doesnt want to anymore.
I would be interested to hear other peoles experiences, what kind of things did your partners do/say to gaslight you?
Thank you! I dont have kids I have only been with him 5/6 months. I came out of a lovely healthy 6 year relationship 2 years ago and have been with horrible guys since then. This guy came along and seemed perfect, dont get me wrong he can be. (I have met actual narcissists and I am not too sure if he is one) Problem is I dont know if it is just the stress of lockdown so it is hard.
I would be interested to hear other peoles experiences, what kind of things did your partners do/say to gaslight you?
He just sounds like a plain and simple knob.
Get out now whilst you are not too involved. Easier to deal with a break up of 5 months rather a break up of 5 years.
During bad times, you don't want someone like that. Surely acting like this during lockdown that should prove the point .
Get out now whilst you are not too involved. Easier to deal with a break up of 5 months rather a break up of 5 years.
During bad times, you don't want someone like that. Surely acting like this during lockdown that should prove the point .
I hope you are okay @Peakyblinders and thank you for creating this thread
I'm in a similar situation, I'm blamed for everything and my partner accepts no responsibility. I'm told he is the only person who will ever love me. I'm very stuck though as I have no family members or support network. I have been with him nearly 8 years and there has been one incident of physical violence where it went to court but I was pressured to say that the relationship was okay and I didn't want to take it further. I have a child (not by him) and I'm constantly picked on for my parenting or my child wanting attention and of loving my child more than i love him. At the beginning of lockdown he accused me of being a girl in a pornographic film I felt absolutely disgusted with what he accused me of.
He wants me to move underneath him and I refuse to so he has threatened the relationship so many times and accused me of not wanting the same dream as him.
Sorry if I have jumped on anyones post I just wanted to share my story.
I'm in a similar situation, I'm blamed for everything and my partner accepts no responsibility. I'm told he is the only person who will ever love me. I'm very stuck though as I have no family members or support network. I have been with him nearly 8 years and there has been one incident of physical violence where it went to court but I was pressured to say that the relationship was okay and I didn't want to take it further. I have a child (not by him) and I'm constantly picked on for my parenting or my child wanting attention and of loving my child more than i love him. At the beginning of lockdown he accused me of being a girl in a pornographic film I felt absolutely disgusted with what he accused me of.
He wants me to move underneath him and I refuse to so he has threatened the relationship so many times and accused me of not wanting the same dream as him.
Sorry if I have jumped on anyones post I just wanted to share my story.
Dont be sorry this is why i wanted this thread made as I bet there are lots of people in the same situation - this one seems a lot more serious than mine as you have been together so long and a child is involved. I would say get out but its easy for me to say - I am not doing it myself!I hope you are okay @Peakyblinders and thank you for creating this thread
I'm in a similar situation, I'm blamed for everything and my partner accepts no responsibility. I'm told he is the only person who will ever love me. I'm very stuck though as I have no family members or support network. I have been with him nearly 8 years and there has been one incident of physical violence where it went to court but I was pressured to say that the relationship was okay and I didn't want to take it further. I have a child (not by him) and I'm constantly picked on for my parenting or my child wanting attention and of loving my child more than i love him. At the beginning of lockdown he accused me of being a girl in a pornographic film I felt absolutely disgusted with what he accused me of.
He wants me to move underneath him and I refuse to so he has threatened the relationship so many times and accused me of not wanting the same dream as him.
Sorry if I have jumped on anyones post I just wanted to share my story.
He has just messaged me telling me that if i carry on moaning then we should just leave things - thing is i am not moaning i am literally just expressing my opinion which I am not allowed to do.
get out of this relationship right now. Tell him it’s over and don’t entertain him again - you know in yourself that this isn’t right, listen to your gut. You don’t owe him anything. You aren’t happy - so why carry on with it?
Doubting and questioning the way your partner behaves - it's clear to me you know it's not ok.
@simplelifex please get out of this relationship - you have been to court for physical violence. There are no reasons to stay with someone like that. I know this forum is anonymous but surely writing everything down you can see how it's not normal behaviour. You dont deserve to be treated that way.
I took abuse for years - never told anyone but when I did it was such a relief. There is help out there if you have no family near by.
There is womens aid and the domestic abuse charity.
@simplelifex please get out of this relationship - you have been to court for physical violence. There are no reasons to stay with someone like that. I know this forum is anonymous but surely writing everything down you can see how it's not normal behaviour. You dont deserve to be treated that way.
I took abuse for years - never told anyone but when I did it was such a relief. There is help out there if you have no family near by.
There is womens aid and the domestic abuse charity.
I know youre right, youre all right its just hard. Even though it hasnt been long I am just sick of starting again with guys. And i suppose because everything was so great before I keep thinking of that. Dont get me wrong I am not innocent and I do my fair share of moaning/getting angry etc but he does drive me to it a lot of the time.
I think it's easier to write because it's anonymous but definitely as I was writing it out it hit me more that it is not okay. I have really kept it to myself and only recently told someone who has referred me to a domestic abuse service and I'm waiting for them to get in touch.
I know in my heart that I need to leave and I feel guilty almost everyday because I feel like I'm putting myself and my son through so much because I feel stuck in this relationship.
I have no family, mum left when I was younger and dad doesn't really bother much. I feel alot of the reasons I stay are lonlieness and vulnerability.
I mean with this with no disrespect whatsoever as I've also said this to people going through tough relationships and say to them to leave it is much easier said than done.
I know in my heart that I need to leave and I feel guilty almost everyday because I feel like I'm putting myself and my son through so much because I feel stuck in this relationship.
I have no family, mum left when I was younger and dad doesn't really bother much. I feel alot of the reasons I stay are lonlieness and vulnerability.
I mean with this with no disrespect whatsoever as I've also said this to people going through tough relationships and say to them to leave it is much easier said than done.
Of course you are allowed to express your opinion and how you feel, it's so important to and not let it build up into something bigger. There is a huge difference between expressing how you feel and having a moan
It definitely is easier to tell someone to leave. I know how much strength it takes to leave and I know I never would of had I not gone to work with blood pouring down my head. This resulted in safeguarding, social services and then the police getting involved.I think it's easier to write because it's anonymous but definitely as I was writing it out it hit me more that it is not okay. I have really kept it to myself and only recently told someone who has referred me to a domestic abuse service and I'm waiting for them to get in touch.
I know in my heart that I need to leave and I feel guilty almost everyday because I feel like I'm putting myself and my son through so much because I feel stuck in this relationship.
I have no family, mum left when I was younger and dad doesn't really bother much. I feel alot of the reasons I stay are lonlieness and vulnerability.
I mean with this with no disrespect whatsoever as I've also said this to people going through tough relationships and say to them to leave it is much easier said than done.
Of course you are allowed to express your opinion and how you feel, it's so important to and not let it build up into something bigger. There is a huge difference between expressing how you feel and having a moan
Even then I was cracking under the emotional abuse he was laying on me.
Telling me people would hate me, it was my fault etc and that I was then the reason he self harmed.
It took so much from me and a hell of a long time to recover from it emotionally. I still look in the mirror and see what he did to me and with that I can still hear the sound of my head cracking open and his words " oh my god what have I done to your head"
I always felt like I didnt want to burden anyone with how I felt but there is ways out.
I hope you get the support you need for yourself and your son.
Tskiry
well done on finding the strength to get through what must have been such an awful, traumatic time. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope things are a lot happier for you now.Peaky - do you have friends you could stay with (if the house you're in is not yours?).
Thank you @panda_eyes It took me a long time too and I lost faith and trust in a lot of people. But one positive I took from the situation was that eventually I want to work in that area and help people.Tskiry
Peaky - do you have friends you could stay with (if the house you're in is not yours?).
I never would want anyone to go through domestic violence.
Things are a lot happier I met my boyfriend after a couple of years on my own. He is fantastic with my son and a great role model for him.
It proved to me that after a bloody long storm there was a rainbow at the end
