Gaslighting

[Peakyblinders]

Yes guys i have ended it

Great advice from everyone and good to know I am not alone and there is nothing wrong with me haha.

 

[simplelifex]

I hope you are okay @Peakyblinders and thank you for creating this thread

I'm in a similar situation, I'm blamed for everything and my partner accepts no responsibility. I'm told he is the only person who will ever love me. I'm very stuck though as I have no family members or support network. I have been with him nearly 8 years and there has been one incident of physical violence where it went to court but I was pressured to say that the relationship was okay and I didn't want to take it further. I have a child (not by him) and I'm constantly picked on for my parenting or my child wanting attention and of loving my child more than i love him. At the beginning of lockdown he accused me of being a girl in a pornographic film I felt absolutely disgusted with what he accused me of.

He wants me to move underneath him and I refuse to so he has threatened the relationship so many times and accused me of not wanting the same dream as him.

Sorry if I have jumped on anyones post I just wanted to share my story.

 

[tskiry56]

Anyone got any experiences or are currently beinggaslighted by their partner? I definitely am and it is making me believe I am in the wrong all the time/a psycho.

You need to get out of this situation.
I was in a relationship full of abuse- emotional, physical, coercive behaviour.
I was made to believe by him and his family that I was the problem and I wasnt good enough for him.
It took the final act of physical violence for me to see I was just about existing in an awful situation. I was controlled and living on the edge all the time too scared to speak out.
Please speak to someone, it has taken me years of counselling to understand that it wasnt me with a problem it was him.

 

[leoladyxo]

Sometimes when I have an argument with my boyfriend he will say that something never happened or that I wasn’t remembering it correctly, but I know that I am right. I just ignore him and keep making my point. I hope that you are OK, OP.

 

[Kaye1976]

I would like to visit this thread in a few days time and see that you have told this bloke it done and finished due to his behaviour! If you had a daughter would you advise her to stay because she thinks she’s loves him? This is not love it’s exactly what you have asked about and that’s gaslighting!
Gaslighting that will eventually get worse over time and probably become physical abuse!

Enjoy and build your confidence while being single and someone will come along when you least expect it.

DONT SETTLE FOR AN IDIOT!!!

 

[BettyCrocker]

Dont be sorry this is why i wanted this thread made as I bet there are lots of people in the same situation - this one seems a lot more serious than mine as you have been together so long and a child is involved. I would say get out but its easy for me to say - I am not doing it myself!

He has just messaged me telling me that if i carry on moaning then we should just leave things - thing is i am not moaning i am literally just expressing my opinion which I am not allowed to do.

get out of this relationship right now. Tell him it’s over and don’t entertain him again - you know in yourself that this isn’t right, listen to your gut. You don’t owe him anything. You aren’t happy - so why carry on with it?

 

[Mercedes12]

Really feel for any of the posters in this thread who are going through this.

Experienced gaslighting with my ex. All the usual stuff: that I’m a psycho, I’m crazy, no one else would ever want me, people think he’s mad for putting up with me, all his friends and family think he’s mad for being with me.

It was one of the lowest points in my life and like many other people, it took me a while to pluck up the courage to end the relationship. I genuinely did believe nobody else would ever want me!

But by the end I was at rock bottom and would rather than been alone for the rest of my life than continue that relationship.

LADIES - men who do this to you are weak, insecure and pathetic. They do this to control you usually because they know you can do better than them!

Know your worth; don’t settle. You are better off being single and happy than having your emotions dictated by a narcissist!

Sending everyone lots of love

 

[Dickydoo123]

I’ve been coming backwards and forwards to this thread hoping you’d dumped him Easy for me to say, but I think if it’s this much effort and so hard at such an early stage in a relationship then imagine in 5 yrs time! The red flags are there now and I think you know that but you want reassurance they’re there Let me tell you they are
His behaviour is rinse and repeat; kick off, storm out, wait for you to phone, sort out...... start again.
Being with somebody isn’t always better than settling for ‘not having to start again’

Please know your worth

 

[eyeballs]

Yes I have. My ex husband. It’s 3 years on and he is still doing it (we have children)
If you don’t have children it will be so much easier to cut then out. He ruined my life and completely crushed me as a person. I regret everything about being with him. I am a changed person because he left me with no confidence.
You are here so you know what they are doing to you is wrong, speak to a trusted friend or family member. You can do this. Good luck x

 

[mcfeez]

I have never been gaslighted by a partner but was by my parents as a teenager. At the time I knew I was desperately unhappy and perhaps even depressed but looking back I actually think it was much worse than I ever acknowledged.

I would remove myself from the situation as soon as you safely can. It is the only way you will being to heal.

 

[Mercedes12]

My advice to anyone ending a relationship like these is block and delete them off everything. Delete their number, delete anyone off social media who will post pics with them, ask all the people in your life to refrain from telling you anything about the person eg I saw him out the other week. If anyone continues to mention him/her to you, take these people out of your life.

The elation and high you will feel when you finally heal and feel happy again is indescribable! Obviously it’s a long process to build yourself back up but you will get there in the end.

 

[Moe]

Thanks everyone I know you are all totally right. Really appreciate your advice!
Interested to hear if anyone else has any stories/experience? Xx

Why? People on here have given you their experiences already and have been so honest and bared their souls. Is that not enough for you?
WTF are you writing a book or something and doing research?

 

[laughing]

He just sounds like a plain and simple knob.

Get out now whilst you are not too involved. Easier to deal with a break up of 5 months rather a break up of 5 years.

During bad times, you don't want someone like that. Surely acting like this during lockdown that should prove the point .

 

[Farticus]

I'm probably unusual as I'm a male on here. stumbled across this page when searching google for another topic, I came on and started reading a few forums and great entertainment.
However, this is a serious post. GET OUT....GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN for God's sake. Cut all ties and exit hell by the nearest door.
I was a victim of gaslighting for years, and became so convinced I was wrong that I lost everything.
Even now that I am going through divorce it is still happening. You think you can please them by giving them what they want, and when you do, the goalposts move. It's chasing the dragon trying to make them happy, and you will be told, "I don't expect much, just you to show you love me and respect me", respect then becomes doing as they say, walking on eggshells, justifying even being at work or going to the gym. All the while, you are the abusive one, and god help you if you do stand up or question, because you will be told "that's not what I meant" or you are so sensitive.
Now that I finally got the guts to lave my god is she playing the victim. And very convincingly, but thank God people who doubted me are now seeing. It's control, and people who crave control crave chaos. Narcissists. Everything is disrespectful to them. I hardly have a relationship with my children, and the narcissist doesn't care who is caught in the crossfire as long as they control you.
If you want to have any semblance of self worth this time next year please do not let a person like this space in your mind.

 

[Peakyblinders]

Thank you - I cant quote your post but leoladyxo that is gaslighting.

tskiry56 I will definitely take a look at your blog. I am not experiencing any physical abuse nor do I think I ever would. This guy is actually an all right nice guy (I know thats how narcissists usually present) but yeah during arguments he will always say its me and I am the reason he behaves how he does etc. Says i am too over opininated - I literally cannot say anything without him accusing me of moaning or being argumentative.

 

[tskiry56]

You need to get out of this situation.
I was in a relationship full of abuse- emotional, physical, coercive behaviour.
I was made to believe by him and his family that I was the problem and I wasnt good enough for him.
It took the final act of physical violence for me to see I was just about existing in an awful situation. I was controlled and living on the edge all the time too scared to speak out.
Please speak to someone, it has taken me years of counselling to understand that it wasnt me with a problem it was him.

Edited to add I write a blog about my experience it may or may not help you https://unbeatenmystory.wordpress.com/

 

[Juliet]

Yes guys i have ended it

Great advice from everyone and good to know I am not alone and there is nothing wrong with me haha.

Good. Please also block him to minimise any chance of him worming his way back into your life. People like this don’t like to be told no so he will be fuming that you have ended it. You will honestly be happier without him. Take care xx

 

[no-no]

it’s having a massive effect on my mental health etc. I am an emotional person and quite an anxious person anyway so all this just makes me 10x worse. He keeps saying he will only reply to me if I’m nice etc but I am nice. I’m just never allowed to say anything that calls him out on his behaviour. I know I need to get out but I feel like I can’t because I don’t want to but deep down I know I need to if that makes sense. I feel so weak x

Please, for your future, end it. I’ve wasted years with someone who’s just upped and left this evening because he’s miserable. This is a man who never opened up or cared about how I felt. He’s just left. Don’t waste your precious time on this guy. Even if you weren’t being “nice”, you don’t have to be. Trust your gut! He won’t change and you’d be forever on eggshells without ever having your needs met. Take care x

 

[tskiry56]

Doubting and questioning the way your partner behaves - it's clear to me you know it's not ok.
@simplelifex please get out of this relationship - you have been to court for physical violence. There are no reasons to stay with someone like that. I know this forum is anonymous but surely writing everything down you can see how it's not normal behaviour. You dont deserve to be treated that way.
I took abuse for years - never told anyone but when I did it was such a relief. There is help out there if you have no family near by.
There is womens aid and the domestic abuse charity.

 

[Moe]

Sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees especially when you are in the middle of it. Everyone else can see it but you can’t or won’t. If you think that’s all you are worth then good luck.
I’ve been there like others on this thread.