Friends (or lack of)

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chartilbury

When I was little I wasn’t really encouraged to mix with anyone and as I got older my mother would happily have kept me prisoner forever so although people seemed to like me, I never really made any proper friends. People stop asking you to do things / go places after a few times of you having to say no! Anyway, I’m now nearly 40 and I have a few people I know and speak to but no one to go for a drink with or ask how I am. Not complaining, just stating a fact. Sometimes it really bothers me, sometimes I couldn’t care less. Like if I want to go shopping then I go shopping and I don’t have to worry about someone else wanting to do something different because it’s just me but at the same time, sometimes it might be nice to have someone else to go with. Ah well, I’m sure others have it worse!
 
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NovemberEcho

Similar thing is happening with me atm - we met when we were 18 (late 20s now) and she’s gone through phases where she doesn’t bother and had a jealous patch when I met my current boyfriend. We had a really good catch up the week before my bday (spilled my heart out about something going on in my life right now) and then didn’t get a birthday message or text from her… she text 2 days later saying she was unwell and her days were thrown out (she’d text me the night before my birthday and had watched my Instagram stories of my birthday ) I text her to see if she was still coming to my birthday drinks the following weekend (on the day) and she said no she was still unwell and we should meet up the following week for drinks - she’s never opened my message replying to say I was free Saw her post pics of her out for drinks with another friend this week (they met through me a few years ago) !!!!
 
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milkywaymelon


You are completely right! Thank you for this! I'm going to remove myself from the group chat now.
 
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Whatwereyouthinking

I totally understand this, the ghosting friend I mentioned used to blow hot and cold and had done since our 20’s. I don’t want to project our relationship on to yours but if she was jealous when you met a boyfriend think how she will be if/ when you get married ( I had a very bad experience with my ‘friend’ before my wedding).

If she can’t be 100% happy for you and unless there is a very good reason for the lack of response from her I would consider distancing yourself, it may save some pain and drama in the future

x
 
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It’s The Truman Show

It’s funny isn’t it that we are grown ups…. But actually we never grow up and people just behave like big kids
 
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Raininvain

I think a Father in Law is a bit different though to it being your father from a friends perspective. Did you friends actually know your FIL at all? I'd only ask in passing very briefly about a friends FIL or MIL if they were ill. It would be different if it was my friends parent/s and I knew them etc. Obviously though it was difficult for you and your family.
 
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usandthem

That’s a rather insensitive question to ask on a Friendship thread, don’t you reckon? I hope that at least you’d be interested enough to ask your friends if they were ever in my position.
 
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Raininvain

usandthem said:
That’s a rather insensitive question to ask on a Friendship thread, don’t you reckon? I hope that at least you’d be interested enough to ask your friends if they were ever in my position.
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I'm sorry you found it insensitive thats not how it was meant. Most people have an awful lot going on in their own lives and unless they are directly connected to a person/know them well wont be asking lots of questions about how they are doing etc. Your friends will probably have thought it was for your husbands family to deal with primarily and it wasn't an issue for them. They probably didnt even think. TBH.
 
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usandthem

You might want to re-read the last page of the thread- I’ve not asked for advice or opinion, simply tried to reassure the original poster. Your assumptions about my personal circumstances are incorrect.
 

disneys

Has anyone tried Meetup before ? I’ve joined it and joined a few groups of local people with similar interests … I’m signed up to go to a coffee thing in the next town over on Friday morning but I’m a bit worried it’s dodgy … the event seems legit and I can see people’s names who are attending but I’ve not heard of anyone I know using the app so I’m a bit scared to go … anyone else used it before ?
 
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blossombloss

I have. It's generally very safe! It's just more how you feel when you get there, what the atmosphere is like and what the people are like. As with all things it can be hit and miss. But I wouldn't worry about it being dodgy, go and have fun!
 
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FishCustard

So the relationship I have with friend I feel like I’m drifting apart from isn’t getting any better.

We had a massive argument and took time to cool off, at that point I said that I would be ready to listen when she wanted to talk.

It’s been a few weeks now and I reached out asking if she was ready or needed more time. Her response was that she assumed that we were all okay now and there was nothing to talk through. Even though she was the one who exploded first.

I can admit that I should’ve done better as a friend too, and have learnt from my mistakes and wanted to discuss my grievances with her and expected her to want to do the same. I’m willing to learn and grow from my actions.

Am I wrong to feel a bit put out that she’s disregarded the whole thing? I honestly feel like I’m going crazy.
 
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disneys

blossombloss said:
I have. It's generally very safe! It's just more how you feel when you get there, what the atmosphere is like and what the people are like. As with all things it can be hit and miss. But I wouldn't worry about it being dodgy, go and have fun!
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Thank you , I think I will go !
 
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d0llhouse

A suggestion for those with partners who are more extroverted or outgoing - I've learned to use it to my benefit!

When we were on holiday, I noticed how quickly and easily my bf made small talk with a couple on the same tour as us. The four of us spent the whole day together and I ended up exchanging numbers with the wife.

Since then, whenever I come across someone I might want to be friends with, I encourage him to initiate conversation. It can really help in those moments when you feel awkward about making the first move
 
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disneys

Has she always been one to brush things under the carpet and then explode ? Sounds like she might not be very good at communicating
 

disneys

FishCustard said:
Yeah, it's always been like that
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Sounds like that’s what she’s like then and so this behaviour for her isn’t out of the normal , if you feel like things haven’t been fully resolved then I doubt she will either … you either need to air everything with her in the hope she opens up too and you can fully clear the air or I think you need to step away from the friendship if you think you aren’t compatible as friends anymore
 

Rxt156

I tried thinking how far back it goes and I’ve had very few friends since early secondary school maybe even primary school!
Maybe it’s in my DNA that I am not sociable
 
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Bobbleowl90

Rxt156 said:
I tried thinking how far back it goes and I’ve had very few friends since early secondary school maybe even primary school!
Maybe it’s in my DNA that I am not sociable
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I’ve always been really shy. It’s probably only since I started full time work that I’ve opened up and been more myself but it’s so much harder to make friends as an adult
 
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